Guy desperate for affection from his fiancee :(

[Lovedragon]

Hi.

This is my first post on a forum like this.

Ok, me and my fiancee have been together for almost 7 years now.
I have ALWAYS been the one who initiates every intimate thing we do.

I don�t know why this is bothering me so much lately.
I have recently gotten in to the best shape of my life and am very muscular, athletic and lean right now.
I am so happy about the way I look, and really for the first time in my life, lots of woman are giving me looks that i haven�t noticed before.

That�s not a problem in it self, but the ONLY person I really care about finding me attractive is my fiancee, and I have never gotten complements for my achievement from her.

I can�t talk to anyone about this since i feel uncomfortable doing so.
She is pregnant at the moment with our second child, 13 weeks in, but that doesn�t seem to affect her sex drive positively or negatively.

I can�t fall asleep at night because of this since the only thing i think about is how much I want to make love to my girl. She usually falls right asleep.
Maybe she thinks i�m just horny, but it�s more complicated then that. This is a very emotional thing as well.
I want nothing more then for her to initiate a hug, kiss anything
I want my girl to find me attractive and express it.
Men also want to feel appreciated, even if we don�t always admit it.

Maybe I just have to live with those feelings, and hopefully they will go away.
I don�t blame her at all, she has always been like this and maybe I can�t expect her to change now.
I also want to mention that I love my girl with all my heart. I find her so beautiful but sometimes when i tell her that, I fell like she doesn�t really belief me.

For some reason, this is really taring me apart inside lately even though this has not bothered me so much the last 7 years.
Any advice?

[michelle23]

You need to speak up. Be assertive and tell her how you feel. Sit down over a cup of coffee and say "I feel unloved, I need more affection and intimacy, it feels as if you are not attracted to me and it upsets me. I want to feel closer to you with more cuddles, kisses, sex, its really important to me and I want us to work together to make it better as we are a team. Also tell her how much you love her etc etc and how much this is getting you down.

You can put all that in your own words. Its important though that it comes across as something you need and want and not something that she has done wrong. Dont make it sound like an attack by saying you don't make me feel attractive. Its better to just say I feel unattractive or I feel as though you dont find me attractive..

You could also look up the five languages of love together and do the quiz. Me and my bf have the same love languages- physical touch and quality time being our top two so we both give and receive love in the same way. Perhaps your languages are different which is why you are having issues now. It can be resolved. You just need to better understand each other and how to meet both your needs so you both feel appreciated.

If communicating like this does not work-get relationship counselling. A 7 year relationship and two kids is worth fighting for.

Best of luck

[smackie9]

She is pregnant and isn't feeling "sexy" right now. The shift in hormones, the fatigue, having to take care of another little one, doing houshold chores, etc sorry but she has other things on her mind. Yes many many men complain because the attention is now focused on having and raising children instead of them. This isn't what you bargained for? Oh well this one time you are going to have to suck it up because this is the way it is. Sure you can express some concern, but don't be a dope about it or resentment is going to set in. Discuss compromise, set time aside for rubbing her feet or giving her a message, hire a baby sitter and enjoy some quiet time together, do a spa day together, romance her with a cooked meal and flowers, etc. With women you can't just flick a switch, it takes making them feel appriciated before they recipocate. It's just the way it is. Maybe pick up a few self help books on how to bring back the fun and romance into your relationship, or something fun like a book on tantra sex. The tip here is not to wait till bedtime to get affection. She is done at the end of the day and sleep is all she has on her mind. Ya got to be more creative, because things are now changed with having babies.

[VerticalMoon]

Talk to her. Tell her everything you wrote here. She's not a mind reader. She might not realize how important it is for you to get compliments or have her initiate things. If you're open about it, she might try harder.