Is she being nice? Or am I doing something wrong?

[vicvo]

There's this girl that I've met over a year now. I met her through a mutual friend and we started playing an online game together. She lives in NY and I live in NJ. We meet up at least once a month to hang out. Most of the time to go out clubbing or drinking at night. The first time we ever hung out, I had gotten a hotel room with two beds. Her girlfriends came out that night and it was late so we let her friends sleep on one bed and we shared the other. We had many moments during the first few times we've hung out, but I never got the balls to follow through with the signs. I'm a very shy guy. Anyway, after the third time we hung out, I asked her if she wants to do dinner and a movie and she agreed. However, I later asked her if it's a date and she said that I put myself in the friendzone, but she still wants to be friends. I backed off a little bit and expressed my disappointment. We started to hang out again because I had a hard time letting go and it would make it easier on me to still keep her as a friend. We've hung out atleast 3 more times after I told her how I felt.

The question I have for the ladies. Would you still take the time to go meet up with a guy to go to parties and clubs if you're not interested in him? I want to know if she's doing this to be nice, sees me as a friend(and leading me on) or if she's still exploring a possibility. I would have assumed if a girl is not interested, she would have ignored me more and not take the time to come out to see me. When we hang out, I would bring my friends and she would bring hers.

[NotToday]

She only wants to be friends with you, that's my guess. She seems to like you in a platonic sort of way, but that's about it. You should have seized the day while you had the chance...so now, either you accept her as a good friend or you stay away from her completely (if you cannot handle the being friends-thing). Either way, I don't think there's any chance of her liking you in the way you'd like her to like you.

Apart from that, I'd really like to offer you a bit of advice: You sound like you're really insecure and unconfident. That is a HUGE turn-off. You really should work on that, and please don't be afraid to ask women whether they would like to go on a date with you. We're no monsters or anything, the worst thing that can happen would be "no" for an answer, which I'm sure won't kill you happens to the best of us from time to time.

Good luck!

[michelle23]

Shes just not interested, never was id say. If a girl likes a guy-they dont put you in the friendzone even if it takes a bit of time for you to ask her out. She would have known from day 1 whether she saw you as a friend or more than that. Its not your fault. Your just not her type

[vicvo]

Thank you. It's not that I'm insecure. I was never the type to chase girls and flirt openly like that. I like to show my affections on the private side. I genuinely like this girl because of her personality, which makes her really cute to me. I could be chasing another cute face who probably will give me the time as long as I'm willing to spend on them, but that would be wasting time. This girl is genuine, even after all the things I tried to buy and pay for her. One time, I got really drunk one night and she was by my side rubbing me and making sure I'll feel better. She also held my hand briefly on some occasions. I know that she knows that I still like her. I'm thinking maybe when I asked her the first time, it was through texting and I was told I need to ask in person. But I feel even more shy about bringing it up again since she does already know. I just wish she can just tell me straight up that she's not interested so I can get a peace of mind and move on. Part of me is telling me if I don't do anything, I'm letting her go. Another part of me is telling me she's just being nice because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. We live over an hour apart, so meeting up is a big deal and I don't know why she would agree to meet up if there's no interest on her end. My other female friend said she would not have wasted time and would have cut me off if she were not interested. This has been so emotionally draining for me b/c I want to shower her with affection, but then I don't know what she wants me to do.

As of now, It's been almost a week since we last hung out and 4 days since I've texted her. I'm battling everyday to let go of her and move on b/c thinking about her is clouding my mind and time and I won't be able to meet someone new.

[michelle23]

I recommend you stop talking/hanging out with this girl. You do need no contact in order to get over her. And if she is a typical attention whore-she will all of a sudden be interested when you stop showing interest. If she does you tell her you are not playing her games and move on