Should I stay or should I go?

[danni92]

Hi,

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch with my partner at the moment and need advice on what I should do.

My partner replaced a broken part of my car and while we were'nt home his dad phoned and asked if he could scrap the part for the money. My partner told him no because it isn't his however when we had arrived back home, he had gone and done it either way. This caused a massive uproar and my partner called his dad a thief, to which he didn't like the truth and chucked him out of his home, causing him to be homeless & sleeping rough. My partner then wanted nothing to do with them as he doesn't get on well with his dad to begin with. (He has unpaid debts in his name that his dad ran up & refuses to pay & has had him working for him for years unpaid.)

My partner has a kind enough friend who rents houses to let him move into one of his empty houses. However he had no furniture & no way of picking any up. His dad has a van and was the only person he could ask. To which my partner was told to apologise for calling him a thief to get some sofas and a bed etc picked up.

Since I have been called all sorts behind my back from his family because I refuse to have anything to do with them. I have still not received an apology either even though it was 4 months ago (not that it would make any difference.)
What has really p****d me off is how my partner was expected to apologise for speaking the truth whereas his dad was in the wrong and is no true man to apologise.
Since, my partner visits them every single day and is choosing to spend time with them over me. If I ask for any help with anything he will whinge whereas if his mam/dad ask he's around there at the drop of a hat. I have moved to his hometown (120 miles from my home) as I am the only person really there for him. I have no friends or family down here & am so lonely & depressed all of the time.

I just feel really betrayed that his family would do such a thing yet he's ran back to them like a lapdog. Especially when his mam & dad threw him out to sleep rough for no fault of his own. I have done so much for him over the years by helping him out, especially when his family put him down (daily) but it just seems to have gone un-noticed.
We now bicker about it everyday and I'm feeling so low and down all the time that when my partner's not in i'm constantly crying. I'm getting to the end with how much i can take, however I really love him. It feels like such a petty reason to split up over his family, but lying thieving scum seem to mean more to him than someone who actually cares about him & has helped him out when no one else will.

I just feel at a crossroad at the moment. Every time I try to explain how I feel, he takes the huff and can't accept it & we end up no further forward.

I'm also finishing university at the moment which also adds a ton of stress to everything & I have felt like taking my life many times over the past 3 months.

Could anybody please give me some advice? I no longer know what to do

Thank you

[michelle23]

There his family. As bad as they seem to you-he loves them. Always has and always will. You cant choose who your parents are and you need to stop giving him a hard time for wanting to spend time with them.

You have mentioned one incident where your bf had an argument with HIS family. You should stay out of it and don't take sides. Is this the only reason you dont like these people?

I think it is wrong that you refuse to even try to get on with his family. Its not fair on him that he is stuck in the middle of the three people closest to him. You should suck it up and swallow your pride and make an effort.

If you really cannot accept his family and even try to be nice-then I suggest you break up

[danni92]

It's not that I haven't made an effort. I have been with my partner 6 years, engaged 3. I got on with them perfectly until this incident. However there are things they do that is disgusting. They scrounge money off their 6 children, they smack foster children they look after (i've witnessed one being slapped across the face) They will call their children ugly, thick, tell them they have no hope in life....

The incident I have outlined was that they stole off me, so either way it concerns me.

I don't want him to stop having contact with them, i understand theyre his family.

[michelle23]

honestly if my partners family were like that-we would not be together and it wouldn't have lasted 6 years. Are you sure you want to marry into a family like that? Are you afraid your bf will treat your children badly? I would be They sound like white trash...

Only you can decide what to do. Do you want to marry into this family and have them helping you with your future children? Or do you think you can do better?

[danni92]

That's exactly what I'm scared of. I won't be able to trust them to be left with my children unsupervised because they will lick people's arses to their face but as soon as their back is turn they disrespect & backstab people.
I'm not concerned about how my partner will treat them, he knows exactly how I feel about them doing it and how disgusted i am by it, and I've told him that our children will not be left with them.
That's why im so stuck with what to do. I trust him and love him to bits. But his family are like a different league. I met him when he was 18 and have since showed him different views on things etc. so he's quite a lot different to his family

[michelle23]

well you have a few choices really

1/. try to get on better with his family for his sake but make yourself miserable
2/. leave without him
3/. ask him to leave with you so you will only have to see his family a few times a year
4/. stay together and share him 50/50 with these people that you refuse to have anything to do with.

If it were me I would go for 2 or 3.. I couldn't see myself tolerating these kind of people at all and would not want to be in their house or have them in mine. Cruelty to children makes my blood boil so Id already be gone.