Is it really over for good?

[browncoat]

So here goes. I am 45, separated but getting divorced, 3 children and live in the US. I met a woman, 26, single, who lives in the UK. We met online gaming. We became best friends. I have always been open and honest with my life and she has done the same for me. I told my wife that I wanted a divorce. WE had been unhappy in our marriage for the last 6 years or so. We sought marriage counseling and all the rest. But if neither of you are willing to compromise anymore, no relationship will last. And I wanted to end it before things got bad for the kids. Anyway, my friend knew all of this and was very supportive as a friend would be. She even drove me crazy by always asking if this is what I wanted. After I told my wife things were over for good, my friend and I started talking about the deep feelings that had developed over our 10 month friendship. I told her that I loved her often but she would not say the same back because I am still legally married. I respect her very much for that. We started talking about a potential future with each other about 2 months ago. Everything seemed fine all though there was the "idea" of our age difference and such. I believe loves no age and she seemed to feel the same way. Then things went sour about 2 weeks ago. Even though we communicated every day and most of it was positive, she started to have doubts. Finally last weekend, on our 1 year "anniversary" she stated that she had even greater doubts. Not just about the age difference and children, but whether or not we would able to ever be together due to the immigration bureaucracy and the likes. All the "problems" hit her like a ton of bricks to the point she couldn't see straight. I tried to reassure her that if we worked together and took everything 1 step at a time we could make it work. So far she can only see a negative outcome to all the obstacles in our path. She then pointed to the advice on 1 website on why she didn't want to try and make us work. I want to give her time and try and calm down and think things through. Its killing me inside however. Not only an I losing the woman I love, but my best friend as well. Any advice? Is this relationship salvageable? What would all of you out there do in similar circumstances? Any help would be appreciated and IS needed. Thanks for reading and have a good day

[michelle23]

I think you should stop being delusional and stop telling this young woman everything will be okay. It is not as simple as you want it to be. She has her whole life ahead of her-marriage, kids, the picket fence dream. You had yours and it is unfair to take all those possibilities away from her.

Long term I cannot see it working even if she was willing to move right now to be with you. It wont work. You have an ex wife, children, emotional and financial baggage. I am 23 and I know I would not wanna be step mom to anyone elses kids. Not only that but you are at completely different places in your life

I suggest you leave her alone and find a woman closer to your age. If you want a serious long term relationship-then I cannot see that happening with a woman 20 years younger.

BTW you were emotionally cheating on your wife with this woman which is wrong

[browncoat]

Thank you for your opinion. But both my wife and I have moved on emotionally a long time ago. She dates and has "friends". We both know it is over and are both moving on. As for the rest of what you said I will take it into consideration. Even at 45 I ha e an open mind

[michelle23]

My father is younger than you so maybe I am the wrong person to ask. I just think emotionally, mentally, life expectations, dreams, goals, desires, you are probably too different

[browncoat]

I respect you for what you have said and even may agree with you on the emotional part. But please remember we have talked for a year now everyday. We have SO much in common,that is why we became best friends. You may be right in her not being emotionally ready for the challenges ahead. Is it possible with the time apart she may grow and reconsider in the next 3-4 months?

[michelle23]

Only she can answer that but honestly I just dont see it working. First of all she lives in a different country, you have never actually met in person so this is just a fantasy online relationship. If you were the same age I would say the same thing. Plus all the other added complications.

[browncoat]

True enough. Thanks for your input

[browncoat]

Anybody else care to weigh in on the conversation?

[Valixy]

Have you two ever met in person? If not, maybe you should do that before stressing over big life decisions

[browncoat]

We have not. On our "breakup" she said if we are to meet, I would have to go there. I said sure, no problem. No response :/

[Truthiness]

In my 20s, I got into a serious online relationship with a woman in Israel. We talked every day, were crazy about each other, yadda yadda yadda. I flew over to meet her and... it was a huge waste of time. We had nothing in common. I had built a person in my head that didn't exist, and I assume she did the same.

It might be different for you, I'm just relaying my experience. That said, it sounds like she's moving on from you already. If you're an important part of someone's life, they usually respond to messages.

[namemyname]

Have you met this girl in person? If not, then you need to realize that the whole online thing is just fantasy, and not reality.

I get why you needed her attention and affection during your divorce, but best to let this go.

[browncoat]

I'm not sure if the last two posters read everything. We have a TON in common and I do want to meet her. We spoke over Xbox Kinect and she withdrew when I told her I was willing to travel to the UK to meet her. All I can gather from this is that our relationship is over. And its incredibly sad. I love so much and I know she loves me. She gave me some of the happiest days of my life. From here on out I can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst......

[namemyname]

Well, I'm not a fan of believing that never meeting someone constitutes an actual relationship.

What you're in love with right now (and it's not even real love), is a fantasy of who you want her to be. You have no idea what this girl is really like. She could have horrible hygiene, be mean to waiters, pick her nose, not be able to hold a job, etc. All you know right now is what she has let you see, and what you WANT to see.

None of this is based in reality or real life. You really have to see that, no?

If not, check out catfishing.

[browncoat]

I DO want to meet her! I do want to have a real relationship with her. I am willing to do almost anything to be with her! I want to be able to marry her and live together with her for the rest of our lives! LTR are difficult. It can and has been done. It may not be for her however. We talked and were best friends for a year ffs! I know everything about her as long as she was not lying, and SHE WAS NOT!!! What happened to all the optimistic and positive people out there?