Intimacy problems, Very upset with boyfriend

[floridaperson]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Occationally he has problems getting and staying hard because of how much weed he smokes, but the majority of the time this does not affect our sex life. Over a week ago we were fooling around (making out naked, ding oral, etc.) and he was having problems getting hard because of how much he had smoked that day. I asked him if he wanted to just try again later and asked him if something was wrong. He got a really disgusted expression on his face and said in a very turned off tone, "Well, when I was going down on you there was a faint smell of urine, and I couldn't get hard." To say the least, I was extremely humiliated and offended by what he said. Because with 100 honesty, I am much more hygenic than he is and I keep myself very clean. I do not have a weird smell and I do not smell like urine. We have talked about this over and over since then and he insists that he was just trying to make up an excuse for why he couldn't get hard because he didn't want to tell me he smoked too much again, so he blamed my smell instead and claimed that the reason he couldn't get hard was because I smelled like urine down there and it turned him off. Now he keeps insisting that that's not true, I smell fine, that he was just using it as an excuse. But it doesn't matter what he tells me, I constantly feel insecure about my body and smell around him now. I don't want him to come near me and I don't want to be intimate with him. I cannot see sharing that intimate part of me with someone again who humiliated me and disrespected me like that. I truely want to move past this, but he has made me so insecure about my body and scent now that we can't even have sex because I feel so dirty and uncomfortable doing anything with him. How can he redeem himself and make me feel comfortable again, and how can I move on and just get over this without feeling angry, resentful, and hurt about this?

[michelle23]

Why dont you just dump him and find a man who is not dependent on drugs and doesn't need to blame you for his ED

[searock]

He sounds like a loser jerk... why do you want to keep being his girlfriend?

Anyway, I think the only way things can get back to "normal" is if he continues to approach you and prove to you that he desires you and you do NOT disgust him in any way. Just give it some time.

[HeartIsAching]

You two sound really, really incompatible. He smokes weed so much he gets ED. You like sex, so the ED bothers you. Your body chemistry is so off that he focuses on a "faint smell of urine"... either that, or he's an asshole that uses that excuse to blame his ED on (yeah, that's it, really). You need to cut and run.

[dem862]

How do losers like that even get pussy? The world never ceases to amaze me.

[stev123]

Because for every loser there is a ugly piece of trash.

[Starnique]

Lol, it's funny he blamed it on you. Urine? Lol. You should have said,hmmm well let me go to the dr. first thing in the morn because obviously you're a walking infection because I know good and damn well, I don't have a problem with hygiene. In fact, I smell great, I'm clean and fresh and it's pretty like show art and I haven't had any complaints and if I do smell , you're the problem. You should have been like, shit, you cant even stay hard and handle this, you couldn't make me cum if you called me and you should have been real mean and disgusted about it, blaming him (even though you know its BS, play the game with him and make him look stupid)

Anyway, I never had an issue with a guy that smokes weed unable to stay hard and perform. It was all good. But everyone's different. Just tell him that you're going to leave him if he don't chill out on his weed use because its affecting your sex life and you're not satisfied. If not, then move on.

[Simpo]

wow! That was a big no no. Blaming you for his problem is just wrong. I feel that the issue of his drugs is affecting your relationship rather than just your sex life. This may just be me but I am not a big fan of drug users but I feel you can do better than this guy. At the very least you need to address this issue with him and talk it through and tell him to limit his drug use or he will lose you or lose any intimacy between each other

[michelle23]

if he smokes that much that it interferes with your sex life than he is an addict OP. Dont waste your life hoping he will change-he wont

[VerticalMoon]

You know you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Instead of ruminating on the one last bad experience you had, how about making an effort to remember all the times sex with him was enjoyable?

[Am I crazy?]

The next time you try to have sex with him just tell him that his penis is too limp for you and that you are dumping him for a dude that does not have that problem.

[4 ratties]

The next time you try to have sex with him just tell him that his penis is too limp for you and that you are dumping him for a dude that does not have that problem.

This is the best advice