Feeling worthless. Why does this keep happening?

[Kyliefan]

I have been in 2 serious relationships, one 5 years, the other for 3 years. In both situations when it ended I was told how awesome I am, that they wanted me in their life, all that crap, and then within weeks my exes have got with much younger, and I am going to be mean now, slutty girls.
The first kept phoning me for 6 months telling me he wanted me back and that he was a mess etc, which I tried to ignore as much as I could, but as he was my first love it was difficult to hear he was having such a hard time (apparently). I called him one morning cos I'd been working up the guts to tell him to leave me alone for good and found out that he was at another girl's house playing with her baby brother. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again, and a week later I recieved abusive texts from this girl off his phone, saying he had been with her the whole time and I needed to back off (he'd been the one contacting me) which i just ignored. This girl was 18 and I was 24, I was hardly going to respond. I had lived with him at uni, and the girlfriend of one of my other housemates told me that she had seen this girl at the house, 6/7 months previously, a few times when I'd been out, and also that a few years before that he'd kissed one of our friends at a party. She told me she didn't know he had a girlfriend then so thought nothing of it.

The next serious relationship became really hard work towards the end, this guy had been to a music festival with old mates from 6th form and when he came back he kind of got obsessed with them. He started lying about where he was when I couldn't reach him, and yelling at me if I wanted to stay in rather than go and meet them. We had a few rows and decided we wanted to try to make it work. It got to christmas and my grandfather died, we'd made plans to go out with his friends in a different city for new year, but when it came to it I couldn't face leaving my mum and got really upset. He agreed to stay in with us, but was really snappy and kept texting all night. I know I shouldn't have but I looked at his phone when he left the room and all the texts were from one of his girl mates who was always really rude and unfriendly to me, asking where he was and saying she was missing him and that she was sorry he was having such a terrible time. When he left in a strop at 6am the next morning, cos I'd ruined his new year, I decided it was time to stop, this time I totally cut contact. Within a few weeks he was going out with the girl he'd been texting.

I posted recently that I'd been seeing my best male friend for a while, and that he'd broken it off for fear of doing something to hurt me. I know he didnt want a serious relationship, and I was being cautious myself. He has been one of my closest friends for years and knows all of my romantic history. But it's the same thing again, he's been tempted away by a younger, slutty girl! (She's 7 years his juniour and is living with her boyf.)

It's difficult because I do want to stay friends with him, and he was honest with me and hasn't cheated on me, I don't have strong romantic feelings for him, but I do have strong friendship feelings, I have told him I want space from him for a bit if we are going to be able to be friends in the long run.

It's just brought back all those feelings of being inferior and worthless. I'm just tired of being dumped for a younger easier model. It knocks my self esteem cos I do think I'm a good person, but it seems that qualities like loyalty, being caring, supportive etc, just aren't as valued as being easy, slutty and rude. I'm not a saint, but I've never cheated and I'd never send someone abusive messages etc.
Anyone else had this happen? I'm feeling really worthless so please don't be mean.

[4 ratties]

Just sounds like you've been involved with two immature guys that just weren't for you. Maybe 3rd lucks the charm

[Kyliefan]

Thanks, I just feel like this will keep happening and I'm probably best just giving up.

[TablesandChairs]

It's just two guys so in no way an indication of how the rest of your life will unfold. You're 24 so you're young anyway - it was probably a problem of maturity (or lack there of) on their end...obviously they weren't ready for serious relationships and preferred to go play games with 18 year old girls with boyfriends. That alone should give you an indication of where they're at mentally.

In a committed relationship, if your partners family member dies, you dump all previous plans without thinking and support them as best you can. But that's only something a mature person can do; boys are more likely to think about the fun times they're missing out on. So, don't lose hope...you've dated a couple of losers...but that happens in your 20's.

[Kyliefan]

I'm 28 now. I'm just struggling to believe that anyone will be different.

[Kyliefan]

Ur def right about the maturity thing, at times its felt more like I'm their mum.

[TablesandChairs]

I was with a guy for 7+ years with a guy (engaged) who married a 19 year old one year after we broke up. He was 33 at the time. We're still friends but it's only now I realize how incredibly immature he was and is...in fact, his new wife (20 now) is far more grounded.

Not all guys are the same but as we get older, we become far more selective about who we engage in relationships with and are less likely to go into things with our eyes shut so it gets better, really.

[Kyliefan]

Thanks, I'm just feeling shitty cos I'm struggling to deal with my best mate and that situation cos as much as I don't want to be with him and I know it's not right for me it's just dredged up these old feelings.