Time to grow up?

[MyDeafHavana]

I am 18 years old, female, and very independent. Im 100% ready to move out mentally. My boyfriend turns 20 in a few months and he says he's too scared. He loves living at home and is a huge mummy's boy. So I tried to compromise and said 'okay, just THINK about it for me and mentally prepare yourself'. No compromise, he said that was too scary. So I bent over backwards even more and said 'okay, don't even think about it, start a savings account so when you're mentally ready to think about it, we have a budget estimate to work off' (since I already do have a savings account for it). No compromise, apparently that's too scary too. I'm starting to feel like considering 3 or so months into our relationship he gave me a promise/pre engagement ring, he's a bit of a bullshitter. Loves the IDEA of commitment but will NEVER follow through. I understand that he's had a lot of hands on parenting his whole life so it must be daunting to think about getting independent but come on, it's getting a bit ridiculous for me now considering we've almost broken up over this a couple of times. I'd love a guys perspective on this because I want a bit of compromise off him and I don't know how to get it without hurting him or losing him. I don't want to force him in to anything he doesn't want, but at the same time, he's forcing me into a corner saying 'I don't want to break up with you because I love you more than anything, but I will never think about moving out of my parents house'. Apparently even me asking for a time estimate (Eg, can you start to think about it in a year, two, three) was me forcing him and he doesn't understand why I'd do that. Despite my calmly explaining it a million times. I want to wake up next to him every day and make him breakfast in bed and all that cliche stuff. How can I get him to see that he's forcing me to give up on everything I want because he acts like it's never gonna happen?

[michelle23]

see other thread you posted in for my response. Ill just add here your bf is being smart by not wanting to talk about living together now. You are both too young, not together long enough and not emotionally ready yet. If you dont let this go you will lose him. Just enjoy being a young couple in love who has no responsibilities and can go where you like together and do what you like, have fun.

You have the rest of your life to act like a married couple. Just have fun right now and enjoy each other. Living together too soon will cause you two to break up. When it all happens too fast it is doomed from the start so slow down girl

[MyDeafHavana]

We've actually been together 8 months which is why i'm surprised that he won't even talk about it (living together) if after three months he's willing to put a diamond ring on my finger and tell me that he wants to be with me forever?

[michelle23]

In the first 6-12 months you are infatuated by each other. Most people daydream and think wouldnt it be wonderful to have a future with this person.. get married, have kids, live in a big house in the country and have 2 kids- a boy and a girl who are well behaved and just run around and play all day smiling and laughing.. The whole picket fence dream.. Its just a fairytale, a fantasy. there is absolutely no guarantee that it will all work out. All those sweet nothings you whisper to each other at night are just words. You dont know how you are gonna feel in a years time. In a few months time-you could be ripping each other to shreds, clashing over everything and you could break up..

The reality is it takes about 3 years to figure out if you are really good together or not-sometimes longer so all that daydreaming and planning are NOT promises-just hopes and dreams. It is still not wise to rush it. You are only 18 babe. Take your time. You have your whole life ahead of you. The last thing you want is to end up trapped in an unhappy relationship with an unplanned pregnancy, living with a man who treats you badly and starts cheating on you or beating you. Moving too fast is exactly how those things happen so relax, take your time and just enjoy being a young couple in love for now.

[smackie9]

F uckin 8 months and you want a god damn promise ring at 18? Yer nuts. That isn't how life works. You become an adult first (21) work at getting an actual career, live on your own or with a roommate, enjoy life, travel, etc. I'm on your BF's side. Too young to be THAT committed with someone when you have a good 6 years of being an adult ahead of you. Good god.......give it another at least 6 to 8 months.....maybe more. Who knows maybe you will be single again by then. In other words you are being unrealistic in your demands.

[smackie9]

Honeymoon period : The time that when both parties are infatuated "totally in love" and all you can think of is being together forever, marriage, naming your kids etc. This lasts between 6 months to 1 1/2 years. When it dies off, a lot of couples or one out of the relationship realizes they don't want to do those things with that person. People can and will change their mind about things. That is why 2 to 3 years is needed to decide if you want to marry that person.