Did my kiss turn him off?

[AnnieLeigh]

Hi guys, I am totally new here, but I have such an odd question I need answers to! Will you help?

OK, so last night I had my third date with a guy. We live practically on opposite sides of the country (US), but both of our parents live in the same town, so that's how we met, about nine months ago. We have had our three dates several months apart as a result. We have always gotten along incredibly well, have a very similar sense of humor, laugh a lot, and seem attracted to each other. He also seems genuinely nice and kind, normal and sane.

On our second date, last autumn, he gave me a peck goodbye, but seemed nervous or awkward about it. He still contacted me after that date and seemed interested. He has stayed in touch and continued to show interest me. In fact, that's why we reconnected last week, because he was still trying to stay in contact with me. We randomly discovered we were both visiting our parents' houses again, so we decided to get together!

Anyway, we had our third date last night and it went very well. He talked to me a ton about his life, his work, his family, etc. We spent about three hours together, laughing and talking. The tail end of the date involved a couple of beers and a little food. He was acting very attracted to me in his smiles and his body language, engaging with me, smiling a lot, turning towards me in his chair. He also was talking about other times in the future when we would get together again. All seemed promising. Finally, he walked me to my car, we talked and laughed some more, and he kissed me goodbye.

The kiss was odd.

The way he kissed me was lackluster and lacking in passion. There was no attempt for a French kiss. It was very tame. I myself am a very passionate person, and I knew that some chemistry would have to be established with this guy if we were to try to continue down this path. So I tried to give the kiss a bit more enthusiasm, but did not breach that French kiss barrier. He wasn't giving me much back, keeping it very very tame. The whole thing lasted about 20, 30 seconds, mostly because I tried to prolong it. I let it go and didn't try to push for a more passionate kiss after that.

Then, my date scurried off to his car, we said casual goodbyes, and I haven't heard from him since. He hasn't texted to say he had a good time or would like to see me again, anything. It seemed like he was ready to run away!

As soon as I drove off down the road a little ways, I checked my breath. All seemed fine there. I don't know what happened. He was the one who leaned in to kiss me. I started thinking about it all this morning, and of the dozens of guys/men I've kissed in my life, no guy who has made the first move has ever seemed so "not into it." The men who have kissed me have always shown intense enthusiasm and, honestly, a desire to make out more or get more sexually involved as a result. I've been told by several men that I'm a great kisser.

I wonder if just, instantly, within the first few seconds, my date determined a lack of chemistry and didn't want to go for more? It was so odd. I've made out with some men in the past who, for the first 10 minutes or so, I felt that they had a sloppy or bad kissing style, but after keeping at it for a while, we adjusted to each other. I would never write someone off for a kiss within the first few seconds. It's too soon to make such a swift judgement about compatibility. Is it also possible that my perceived "enthusiasm" was a turnoff? The fact that I was trying to "give it a little more" meant that I was too into him and he just isn't into women who act that interested in him?

Maybe that's not what he was thinking at all. I don't know what he was thinking. But we went from having an exciting and fun third date and discussing future times hanging out with each other, to him leaning in to kiss me and seeming to lose complete interest within seconds. I think I may never hear from him again. Which is Ok, I guess, but i'm just baffled.

Again, I checked my breath and I think it was totally fine! What is up?

[michelle23]

Its all in the kiss. I read an article somewhere that the kiss will make or break you. If you feel nothing-it makes you wana run. If the chemistry is there-you will feel it straight away.

It has something to do with biological compatability.

Happened to me once. This guy was persuing me for 6 months. I had no interest in him but he kept pushing. Eventually I agreed to go out with him and when we kissed it felt so WRONG for both of us. Really awkward afterwards. We never went out again haha

Just forget him and move on.

[searock]

While I agree as a general rule, it wasn't what happened with my boyfriend: we had been flirting for a long time before finally going out on an actual date (we were close friends), and when we finally had our first kiss, it was kind of disappointing for me. I didn't feel turned on or anything. But as we got to know each other better physically and our physical intimacy grew stronger and more comfortable, our kisses became more passionate and satisfying. However, had he been a guy I just met and not my best friend whom I was in love with, I would probably wouldn't have gone on a second date with him.

So yes... the lack of chemistry between you two is probably a big part of the reason he isn't contacting you anymore.

[michelle23]

plus you live miles away from each other. What are the chances of having an actual real relationship with this guy? Move on

[jonnybegood]

Its all in the kiss. I read an article somewhere that the kiss will make or break you. If you feel nothing-it makes you wana run. If the chemistry is there-you will feel it straight away.

Completely agree the last first kiss I had we kissed no stop me like 20 minutes outside in the freezing cold, I put her in her car and bent in just to give her a peck on the lips as a bye bye and she grabbed me and we started again for like another 10 minutes, I got home to a text saying 'How could you kiss me like that and then send me home' I'd never felt anything like it, it was amazing! CHEMISTRY!

Think you may be better to look for someone a little closer to you and develop a real relationship. Good luck in whatever you decide though!