really need some advice

[ferry]

i'm in a really hard situation and i would really appreciate some advice. So there's this guy who i am in love with and we've been off and on for about 5 years, basically all throughout highschool and it is still continuing now. i'm 19 and he is 20. our relationship has always been really passionate, we just have this connection and it's so strong. we could go a year without talking and if we were together again it would be like we were never apart. i guess the feelings are just really strong on both ends. anyways, throughout highschool, things were really hard. obviously he was still young and guys don't want to be tied down, they want to have a chance to explore their options which i understand, at the time it was just hard on me because i cared about him so much. our relationship was very immature and we fought alot and sometimes i felt like he was just using me but then other times i didn't. anyways, around the end of his grade 12 year, i found out he'd been seeing this other girl his age but was still with me as well and this continued all throughout the summer following. i saw this girl at a school football game at the beginning of my gr 12 yr, his gr 13 yr and we decided to go for a walk and talk because she knew about me and him. she told me about their relationship and i told her about ours and he was clearly lying to both of us. he ended up seeing us talking and came over and i dont think ive ever been so hurt in my entire life. he yelled at me and told me to leave and it was basically saying he was choosing her. after that we stopped talking and they ended up getting together and making their relationship official. i never talked to him but occasionally he would message me and try to talk to me while they were still together but i usually ignored him. anyways they've been together for over a year and a few months ago she left to go work in a different country for a year and we ended up starting to talk again and i never expected things to get so serious between us but they did and it really hasn't been me who has pushed for anything, he's the one who has brought up our relationship and his feelings for me, and comparing it to the relationship we used to have, it is so different. He treats me so much better, we can actually communicate with eachother and be open with eachother, instead of turning things on me and blaming me for things he admits his faults and doesn't try to start fights with me like he used to. one of the first times we hung out when this all started again we had a long conversation about everything that happened with us and it was the first time i ever heard him admit that he had treated me badly and that i didn't deserve it. it was the first time we had such an honest conversation and i really got alot of insight into who he is and how he reacts to things and i never really understood that before. he admitted to me that he never stopped caring about me and said that he wished that he never left me. it took me a long time to be okay with being with other people because i always had him in the back of my mind. i never stopped caring about him but i learned to live without him. i always had this feeling that it wasn't over between us and whenever anyone would tell me to let it go i just couldn't i always believed something was still there and then we got back together and it really felt like fate. he treats me so differently now, we've had 2 fights over the course of these 5 months we've been together and before we used to fight basically every week. he told me that he wanted to break up with her and that he just didn't think he had feelings for her anymore. he tells me all the time that he loves me more than anything and that he always will and how i was his first love and his first real relationship and when we're together it just feels so perfect i love him more than anything and i waited so long for this i almost can't believe it's happening. she came down and surprised him and ended up staying at his house for a couple days. after that, things seemed a little weird and we talked about it and he told me he feels bad and doesn't know if he can break up with her. i cried for a long time and he ended up crying as well and it kind of seemed initially like we were in the sense "breaking up" but then after laying there and talking he said there's no way im not gunna be able to be with you. after everything that happened with us we ended up having issues with our families. his mom does not like me and mine does not like him. we've been sneaking around and they don't know yet. he tells me how he wishes i could stay with him every night and that he could bring me over for family dinners and just to hangout. she messages him all the time and has basically been clueless to the signals he sent. i know he's been talking to her alot and i feel like i've fallen for him all over again and i just really don't want to lose him again because i've seen all that we could be and it would just be so devastating. i'm worried that he will stay with her because its easier. he's already been with her for a long time and she has that relationship with his family that i don't have. i feel like our past mistakes are coming back to haunt us and that they're gonna effect us moving forward. i am trying not to live in the past but it seems like he is so stuck on the mistakes he made in our relationship previously and i don't want that to interfere with what we could be. i just don't understand why he would tell me he wishes he would have just been with me and that he loves me all the time if i was just a way to pass the time. i never asked for anything of him because i felt it wasn't my place. he was the one who made things serious and with our history i just don't know why he would complicate things if he didn't have good intentions. it really feels real to me but i'm worried that he might just end up going back with her when she comes back. i don't want to be pushy and nag him because that might push him away and right back to her but i just don't want to wake up one day to realize she's about to come back and we haven't moved anywhere you know what i mean? i just don't know what i should do because i'm in really deep now and i really do love him to death.

i'm sorry this is so long it's just really hard to explain in short and i wanted to make sure i gave everyone the best insight i could! if you took the time to read this i really appreciate it. i'm glad to have gotten this off my chest and any thoughts or advice would mean alot.

[michelle23]

Girl you have issues.

This guy was cheating on you with her, dumped you for her, then comes back to use you and cheats on her. Can you not see a pattern here? Open your eyes, hes a cheat, a liar, hes living a double life. He will never change and you are just a distraction to keep him busy while she is away. He already chose her over you before. What makes you think he wont do the same again?

This guy is laughing at both of you and making a complete fool out of the two of you.

I think you should record evidence-his texts, emails, phonecalls etc and give them to her. Then the two of you should dump his ass and tell him to f**k off out of your life for good. He doesnt love you or her, he has no respect for either of you or empathy for your feelings.

Does it not bother you that he was having sex with her a few weeks ago when she stayed at his house? Or do you believe he didnt do anything? Your a fool if you really believe that..

Stop making excuses for him. Being young is no excuse to treat people this way. Its no excuse to cheat, lie, sneak around. A leopard never changes its spots. I suggest you get some help for your co-dependency and learn to have more self-respect. This is NOT love and if you think it is than you have bigger problems which will probably mess up your whole life.

[rafterman]

O.P Paragraph it up... too hard to read. Later champ