A stray hair and glitter -- Is my boyfriend cheating on me? Please help!

[strawberry_sock]

Hey guys. I'm having some worries about my boyfriend. Please help me and give me your advice. :<

The thing is, he came over last night and I found a little piece of glitter (like, tiny make-up glitter) on his cheek. I brushed it off and showed it to him (though I didn't ask him where it was from) and he said "maybe it's from you?" (though I wasn't wearing make-up at the time). However, I had worn slightly sparkly make-up last weekend while I was staying with him at his house, and thought that maybe some of it had come off on his pillow and that's how it had gotten on his face, but that was quite a few days ago now. Plus, that particular piece of glitter was a little larger and darker than the kind in my make-up (I checked it just a while ago and felt so obsessed and pathetic). In addition to that, he got to my house later than I had expected yesterday, though he had called me (telling me he would be late) and said it was because they were doing construction on the main road to my place and that he had to take another road.

This is not the first time this has happened. A few weeks back, I found a long black hair (I have short brown hair) in his room and it totally freaked me out. No one in his family has long hair. I actually found it on me, on my leg, but I hadn't noticed it before, and as my boyfriend and I had just been cuddling I really started to worry that it had first been on him and had come off on me. When I found it I showed it to him (but didn't accuse him or anything), and he first joked that it was from his other girlfriend, and then said that maybe it was his mom's (but his mom doesn't have long hair!), and that he had no idea how it got there. I said that it was probably from one of his students or another teacher and had fallen on his sports bag at school (he is a PE teacher), and I believed this for a while, but then I really started to worry and stayed worried for a couple of days (I even had a dream that he was cheating on me). However, I finally just decided to trust him and assume that the hair had come from someone at his school.

But this time, the glitter has gotten me all worried again. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should even be worried about the hair or the glitter or not. I really want to ask him about the glitter but I don't know if I should. I don't want to sound like I'm horribly terribly jealous or that I totally don't trust him or something.

And I don't know if I'm just having these feelings because he's going to another city to take English classes at a university this weekend (I live in Japan and my boyfriend is Japanese), and I feel lonely and abandoned because I'm not going with him this time (I went with him last time, which was actually right after the hair thing happened).

Plus, we have been going out for a year and a half, and are going to move in together next month. He has also been dropping major hints (okay, pretty much telling me) that he is going to propose to me soon. (His family knows this as well and they are very supportive of us getting engaged and living together - I'm basically like part of his family.) The thing is, when I have these kinds of feelings/worries, I worry that I won't be able to accept his proposal honestly. How can I really say "yes" to him if I am worried that he is cheating?

I really love my boyfriend, and having these kinds of feelings really trouble me. Do you think he really might be cheating on me? Should I be concerned? Should I talk to him about it? What should I do?

Please help! I really appreciate any advice or understanding that you can offer. <3

[michelle23]

okay first of all relax and stop panicking. those two things on there own are not enough to get you so worried. They could have come from anywhere and I doubt he would have joked about his other gf if he was hiding something

Has his behavior changed towards you in any way. Is he secretive with his phone? I doubt he would be planning an engagement if hes cheating but stranger things have happened I suppose. Has he given you any reason not to trust him? Any other girls flirting with him? Or have you always trusted him before this? How is your overall relationship? How often do you see each other? Do you argue?

[devilish]

okay first of all relax and stop panicking. those two things on there own are not enough to get you so worried.

Has his behavior changed towards you in any way. Is he secretive with his phone? I doubt he would be planning an engagement if hes cheating but stranger things have happened I suppose. Has he given you any reason not to trust him? Any other girls flirting with him? Or have you always trusted him before this? How is your overall relationship? How often do you see each other? Do you argue?

[rafterman]

FFS... Do you work in forensics ? Seriously all these things you're finding, could come from anywhere.. airborne on a windy day...whatever ! Its sounds like you have trust issues.. Correct ? If so why ?... To me , you sound a little insecure, and a little retentive. It would be like dating a human microscope..lol.

[Am I crazy?]

I agree with rafterman, theses things can come from anywhere. Heck, as a PE instructor working in a school the glitter could come from even simple contact with sports equipment. The hair on your leg, that was found on YOUR leg most likely came in on you from wherever you came from. It does not sound like your man was all worried that the long hair was from another man that you might be with, lots of guys have long hair. You need to drop your insecurities.

[strawberry_sock]

Thanks Michelle! :< (And everyone else, though I will reply to your posts in a second!)

He's a little secretive, or private, with his phone, I suppose. He has a smart phone and he's on it a lot, but he has always been like that. He'll go on it if I leave the room to go to the bathroom and be on it when I get back (though he'll put it away if we're talking or something), and sometimes he holds it in a way that I can't see what's on the screen, or exits out of the text conversation or what he was looking at really fast. Lately he has been using it at night, too, before he falls asleep. One night, pretty recently, I asked him about it, just asked what he was reading on it, and he apologized for being on it and told me that he was reading the news - an article about changes to the Japanese pension system. Sometimes I do think he's a little weird about his phone, and that he uses it too much, but he's been like that since we started going out.

Other than that I have always really trusted him.... except for one time at a barbeque a few months back, an extremely flirtatious co-worker of mine flirted with him and I had felt like he flirted back with her. I told him about this afterwards and he said that he didn't remember flirting with her, but that if he had or I had thought that he had that he was really sorry. He said that if he had flirted with her, he hadn't meant to and was not interested in her at all, that he was only interested in me.

Our overall relationship is very good, and he has always been very supportive of me. We see each other quite often usually; sometimes he will come over on weeknights and we will usually see each other on the weekends, except when he has to work (he has a lot of obligations to his school and also does coaching). Except recently, actually both this week and last week, we got into a couple of fights. They both happened because I had been having a hard time with my work situation and wanted to take some days off of work. My employer and everyone else I talked to about it really understood, but when I told my boyfriend about it, both times he told me that I shouldn't miss work and that I was really just worrying about little things and letting them add up (which really hurt my feelings). The first time it happened, he apologized later on for hurting my feelings and told me that he should've considered my situation more and been more understanding, and that he had expected too much perfection from me given my circumstances. And the second time it happened (which was actually just a few days ago), he again later on apologized, but by that time I had already kind of gotten over the work situation and didn't want to talk about it anymore. But I still didn't really understand his reaction the second time - I talked to a friend of mine about it, a Japanese friend, and she told me that he might've felt like since he has to work so hard that I should work hard too, or that he just really couldn't completely understand my situation. In any case, both times (the times we argued) left me kind of feeling like he was judging me, though I told him that and he told me that that really wasn't what he had intended.

[strawberry_sock]

@ rafterman and Am I crazy?:

Thank you for your replies!

You're right, and oh, I am such a human microscope. :< And I think sometimes I am definitely a little insecure. I think it kind of comes from my situation in my life right now. I live and work in a foreign country, and have only been here for a couple of years. There are still a lot of things I don't understand, even in (or maybe especially in) my work place, and they can leave me feeling really left out and alienated. Plus, I have been in the process of growing out a pixie cut this last year, and have had many awkward stages that have made me feel really self-conscious about my appearance. (It's bad enough being stared at for being a foreigner, and worse being a stared-at foreigner with weird hair.)

[rafterman]

He might have got pissed off with you taking time off work, because it foiled his plans with his other chick. Or maybe he's just pissed because you were making a mountain out of a mole hill ?

[michelle23]

I think its time to have a talk with him. Your obviously getting quiet serious if an engagement is on the cards and you need to know for sure that you can trust him. It doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong. Smartphones can be addictive-it doesnt mean he is up to anything. I spend a lot of time on my phone-on FB, on this forum, researching etc..

I think you should just bring up something casual in conversation-like so and so cheating on their partner, what an ass, cant believe he would do that-I really thought he was a nice guy.. See what he says. His reaction will help you to understand his view on cheating. Then you can tell him that trust has always been so important to you and you hope that never happens to you

That way you are not accusing him of anything. Your just trying to figure out will he stick up for a cheat or will he agree that he is an asshole

[fearoflove]

Probably had some fun at a strip club.

[lalalita]

I don't think you're being crazy. I've had similar thoughts. But, it isn't sure fired sign of anything. If all the other signs of an unfaithful man are there, AND THEN, you find glitter and strange colored long hairs...then I'd say maybe. Glitter sticks to absolutely everything. He could have picked it up anywhere.

[paythebills]

Glitter sticks to absolutely everything. You are probably just paranoid.

[strawberry_sock]

Hey guys, thanks for all of your replies! I actually feel a lot better now. I called up my boyfriend last night and talked with him on the phone for a long time, and while I didn't ask him about the glitter or talk to him about cheating (I didn't think it was necessary), I felt a lot better after we talked. I think I had just been feeling pretty lonely and insecure.

Thank you!

[michelle23]

your welcome. changes in behaviour are the biggest indication of cheating such as becoming distant, irritable, picking fights, becoming unafectionate, going off sex, sudden interest in appearance, working late (if its unusual), secretive.

another sign is if hes nnot the type to buy you random gifts or rarely offers to help you clean or cook and all of a sudden he randomly wants to spoil you with flowers, chocolates, cleans the whole house and cooks for you.

or if hes normally not the emotional type and doesnt like talking about feelings and randomly clings to you for dear life and spills his guts about how he feels about you.

all signs of guilt. there are many more.

it doesnt sound like your bf has had any behavioural changes so stop worrying. if he does cheat-yyou will know something is wrong just be how he acts around you. he will change completely overnight.

another sign is something that he used to love about you-something that made him laugh-all of a sudden become irritating about you

[namemyname]

Um...don't pretty much ALL the women in Japan have long, black hair?

And glitter blows in the wind from all the Hello Kitty crap and cheap makeup.

He doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong...

He's about to propose? Do you think this level of commitment is freaking you out and you're looking for reasons to end things?