need your advice on this man...!!!

[avita]

hey guys, I'm new in this forum and i really need your advice.

ok so my parents have a bar and there i met this one guy. he lives abo e the bar and was there everytime i visited! since he has a girlfriend i never thought about anything with him. i really got a long great with him and his best friend (female) lives in the same city as i do and i really like her as well. so one day we all met in the bar and they talked about his relationship, because he had troubles with his girlfriend. they've been together for 7 years and he said that he hasnt been happy for 4 years. she wants to marry right now and kids and he doesnt want any of that for now...his best friend told me that he is really insecure and thinks that he wont find another womanand so on..
so this one night when i was there we went out and kissed and thats when it all started.

for a few weeks we've seen each other every weekend (we live 2 hours apart) and then my parents gave up the bar and moved away. and i came to visit him like every 2-3 weeks. i told him from the beginning on that one night every few weeks is not enough for me and he said it's not enough for him either

i get that he's in a difficult position and i get that he wont just dump his gitlfriend after like a month or so for me. but this has been going on for more than 4 months now and nothing has changex! he can be so sweet and says and texts me the sweetest things and then i dont hear from him for a week, ok i get that, hes really busy with his job. but i need to know what this is for him. today he texted me that he is going away for the weekend on holiday, i'm pretty sure with his girlfriend and it broke my heart.

i cant go kn like that but im scared that if i tell him im out if things dont change it will be over..i talked to my brother, who also knows him, about it and he thinks that he doesnt want to end things with his gf because hes d ared that it wont work out with us and he will be alone..

i honestly dont know what to do...tell him i cant go on like that or give him more time?

[Bo]

Either way he does not sound like a keeper. Run fast. Any man willing to step of his current relationship to start another behind their mates back is trash. If he's unwilling to break up with his gf and is scared it won't work out with you that is red flag number 2, clearly he is just desperate then. Get the hell out of there.

[namemyname]

Here's reality for you.

He will NEVER leave his GF. EVER. And he never had an intention to, either.

He is the classic cheater...says how unhappy he is...I'm sure he's told you they rarely have sex, she doesn't understand him, she nags all the time...

You are devaluing yourself to be the OTHER WOMAN. Stop it.

[michelle23]

you are naive and obviously a little dim.

hes playing you. stop being a bloody doormat. your a home recker! shes with him 7YEARS. of course hes gonna give you a BS sob story to get in your pants-men like him are experts at playing the victim, blaming everything on their partner, trying to justify what they are doing somehow to get everyone else to feel sorry for him.

But you know what? There is no excuse for what he is doing to her. Nobody deserves that. Hes weak and pathetic. He wont leave her coz hes too insecure and is afraid to be on his own? Why would you want a little boy like that who doesnt have the balls to end something that is making him unhappy (so he says) and instesd chooses to take the cowards way out by finding a plan B (you) who will just be a rebound.

You obviously have A LOT to learn and i sense you will learn your lesson the hard way.

If he will cheat with you-he will cheat on you. Well you know what they say-karma is a b**ch. Youll both get what you deserve.

If you had any brains-you would dump him and tell his partner what hes been up to. I dont know about you but i go by a girl code where us women should look out for each other-not stab each other in the back.

Maybe the same thing will happen you when youve wasted 7 years on a loser and are ready to settle down and have kids. Maybe then youll understand how wrong what you are doing is

[avita]

thanks for being honest. you pretty much summed up everything that i already knew. and please believe me i fo feel like an idiot and i never thought i would be that kind of girl...

second thing is, he never talked to me about his gf. he never complaindd or anything that is just something we dont talk about..

[michelle23]

Ya coz hes on holidays with her, probably having sex with her right now and telling her how much he loves her and that he cannot wait to have a baby with her. He is living a double life. She does not deserve this.

What are you gonna do now? Are you still gonna stick around and waste your life on him until he gets bored of you or are you gonna tell him to f**k off? And are you gonna tell this girl whats been going on? It would be so cruel and wrong if she got pregnant by this asshole who is betraying her. She deserves a loyal man who will treat her right.

You need to learn something girl. Relationships have ups and downs, rough patches, dry patches with sex, doubts. Its completely normal that his relationship with her is not 100% perfect. Nothing ever is. It doesnt mean that it is okay to cheat when the s**t hits the fan or when hes too much of a coward to walk away. They have shared 7 years together. She probably loves and trusts him with all her heart and she is going to be devastated. You should NEVER get involved with someone who is taken no matter what they tell you or someone who just got out of a long term relationship. It never works.

Please do the right thing and make sure that poor girl finds out the truth somehow. If you dont want him to know it was you-then set up an anonyous page on FB and tell her that way. Take a picture of you and him kissing in public and send it to her anonymously saying hes been cheating on you for the past (however months)

Then she can go and find herself a real man and hopefully so will you

[TablesandChairs]

This is a very cliche situation and what you've described thus far is a very typical case. He won't leave her. Things are probably not as bad as he says. He's a cheat who doesn't really care about you otherwise he wouldn't have put you in this position. Tell him - unless he leaves his girlfriend, you don't want him to contact you any further.

Don't waste time on people like this, they're playing an old game.

[paythebills]

He is a player

[avita]

please dont lecture me about getting involved with a man in a relationship, i know that it is wrong, its not that i planned this or an thing.
i'm not going to tell her, and shes not a girl, in fact she could be my mom he is exactly between us agewise. and she knows that he doesnt want kids yet or marry.
when he comes home on monday i will end this.

[michelle23]

good. get out now and don't look back.