Low sex frequency = Time to break up?

[Orthogon]

Howdy,

I just wanted to see other peoples opinions, as well as get my thoughts out in writing as it usually helps me with this kind of stuff.

I have been dating a girl for a year now, and she is the first girlfriend I have ever had. We get along extremely well, and she is one of the sweetest gals I have ever had the pleasure to meet.

With that being said -- our sex life is shit. We have sex about twice a month on average, and this month we have only had sex a single time. We have talked about this a few times now and for her it always comes down to stress and sickness and a variety of other things. We talked about spicing it up and came up with some interesting ideas, but it is always me that has to initiate all of these new ideas even though she is the one with the major lack in sex drive. I do everything I can to make sure she enjoys it, and she always finishes. She is a horrible liar and has physical signs when she cums (trembling, red skin, extreme sensitivity, etc) so it would be very difficult for her to fake it -- so I do not believe that this is the problem. I also frequently go down on her as it doesn't bother me at all and I know she enjoys it. On the flip side, she rarely goes down on me and only if I ask. She never takes initiative in the same way that I do etc.

There is only so many times you can kick dirt on a fire before it is extinguished. I don't feel the same connection romantically as I used to and I think it is time to end it. We have practically turned into best friends because of this issue. I know it is going to crush me but I can't think of any alternatives. There is no way I will ever take this relationship any further as I know that low sex frequency at this stage of a relationship and age (21) is a HORRIBLE sign. This type of stuff only gets worse with time and it is already pretty bad.

Has anyone here been in my shoes? Would you guys do anything different?

[rafterman]

1-2 times a month ?..... Sheeesh. With great care I would drop her in the friend zone. Because with that frequency, you may as well just be friends. There's no fun in that relationship.

[searock]

You aren't sexually compatible, simple as that. I think you should break up, clearly this relationship isn't satisfying you.

[michelle23]

Yes break up. 1-2 times a month and your only together a year? Imagine what it would be like when your married lol. Once a year on your anniversary. Your not compatible. Its best to just end it now. And dont bother trying to be friends. A clean break with no contact is best. And if she asks why-tell her the truth. "Our sex life is shit". May teach her not to be such a prude with the next guy

Best of luck

[lalalita]

Do you love her? Be careful with this. You may be setting yourself up to leave her, crush her, and then regret it some time afterwards...thus starting that awful "I want you back. Sex isn't as important as you" conversation. If your lack of sex is the ONLY issue in your relationship, I think it's ridiculous to leave her if you feel strongly for her. You'll get your dick wet for awhile with other girls, but if you love her...you WILL want her back.

[michelle23]

You cannot have a healthy relationship if something is lacking. It could be anything. Sex, talking, affection, romance-anything. If something is missing your gonna miss it and the best thing to do is find a girl who has a healthy sexual appetite. What is the point settling for one or the other when you can have both? Sex is one way to make your man feel loved and to strengthen the bond you share. Without it-he gets depressed and feels rejected and hurt. Its not just about sex-its about connection and intimacy, feeling wanted and desired. Most Men and women need it in a relationship.

being rejected stinks especially by someone you love. If he stays with her he will have no confidence left by the time it ends. OP if you are looking for permission to end it-you have got mine

[toyboy]

1-2 times a month ?..... Sheeesh. With great care I would drop her in the friend zone. Because with that frequency, you may as well just be friends. There's no fun in that relationship.

what you talking about,you're wrinkled ass is getting none

[Wakeup]

She is a horrible liar and has physical signs when she cums (trembling, red skin, extreme sensitivity, etc) so it would be very difficult for her to fake it

don't be so sure. Usually, the more you satisfy a woman both inside and OUTSIDE of the bedroom, the more she wants.

A women's sexual response begins outside of the bedroom and it starts in her mind. I'm not saying your are, but if you are just playing video games all night or watching T.V. and ignoring her and then expecting her to want you bad once you get into bed, then you have another think coming.

So whats you're normal day/evening like together?

Even a woman with a healthy sexual attitude will lose her libido if who she is with isn't making an effort outside the bedroom anymore.

[namemyname]

It could be a few things, and none of us could know for sure:

1 - some people just have low sex drives, regardless of their age or partner. Have you always had limited sex with her?
2 - it could be that she's emotionally and mentally attracted to you, but not sexually
3 - she could be a sexual abuse survivor, so sex is a bad trigger for her. People who were sexually molested generally either become hyper, or hypo sexualized
4 - you could be a bad lover, not have good hygiene, etc.