So confused about my feelings

[Shameful]

Where do I start? I'm a 32yo married woman. I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for 6. I've never cheated on him or anyone I've dated before him, infact I'm very against such things and I couldn't bare the thought of not being with him, however I started a new job in January and there is a married man of 41 in another department who has started to flirt with me. Initially I was flattered but also told myself it was just friendly banter as we are both married, but tbh I don't see him acting like this with anyone else and I can't get him out of my mind, to the point that its driving me to distraction and I keep finding myself fantisizing about being with him. I don't know what's wrong with me, I love my husband but I actually think I am seriously developing a major crush on this guy. Trouble is how do I know for sure that he is seriously flirting or just having a laugh, if its not serious then I can move on and just be flattered but if it is then I think I better give myself a good talking to and not encourage him or I'm not sure ill be able to control myself. How can you love your husband but also want another man to just grab you and kiss you. If we were single I'd have no doubt that he liked me and I'm sure things would progress to more soon going on the chemistry I feel. I'm so confused about all these feelings. Help!

[michelle23]

Its infatuation. It normally happens because something is lacking in your marriage. If there is anything wrong in the marriage you need to focus on fixing it. Keep your distance from this man. Its a silly crush and its not worth ruining your life for. People who have affairs lose everything that matters and always regret it. He is just a fantasy-reality with him would be a lot different than you imagine it to be and it would never work. You need to put all this time and effort into your marriage. Book a romantic holiday now with your husband-you need it. Start doing date nights, buy a sex game. Bring that hunger, drive and desire back. Play a game with your husband-pretend the two of your are having an affair and meet each other for quickies throughout the day. When something is wrong with your marriage-the bedroom is the best place to start fixing it. Aim to have sex everyday for 30 days-it will bring you really close. Aim to try all the positions in the kama sutra-it will be a lot of fun.

Then you can focus on any other issues such as lack of communication, affection, quality time, romance. Whatever needs to be fixed. Tell yourself now your marriage is in danger and it is your job and your mission to fix it. If you are putting all your energy into not losing the man you love-it will push this other dude out. You have to distance yourself from him. Ignore him as much as you can. Act busy when he is around. Give him the message you are not interested.

Look up emotional affairs, thinking the grass is greener, infatuation vs love and anything else you can think of to get this man out of your head. If that doesnt work-quit your job or get a new one. Its a crush, nothing more, nothing less. You love your husband and should not take him for granted

[toyboy]

its called lust

[Empty Road]

Where do I start? I'm a 32yo married woman. I've been with my husband for 10 years and married for 6. I've never cheated on him or anyone I've dated before him, infact I'm very against such things and I couldn't bare the thought of not being with him, however I started a new job in January and there is a married man of 41 in another department who has started to flirt with me. Initially I was flattered but also told myself it was just friendly banter as we are both married, but tbh I don't see him acting like this with anyone else and I can't get him out of my mind, to the point that its driving me to distraction and I keep finding myself fantisizing about being with him. I don't know what's wrong with me, I love my husband but I actually think I am seriously developing a major crush on this guy. Trouble is how do I know for sure that he is seriously flirting or just having a laugh, if its not serious then I can move on and just be flattered but if it is then I think I better give myself a good talking to and not encourage him or I'm not sure ill be able to control myself. How can you love your husband but also want another man to just grab you and kiss you. If we were single I'd have no doubt that he liked me and I'm sure things would progress to more soon going on the chemistry I feel. I'm so confused about all these feelings. Help!

Cheating is a choice but your feelings is not. If you can't control yourself, get a new job.

[Shameful]

Thank you for the replies, firstly though I must point out that a new job is not an option, also I have no plans to cheat on my husband. I wasn't aware anything was lacking from our marriage and think its more my own insecurities and lack of self confidence or worth that has fuelled these feelings as after several years of marriage and previously being stuck in a job I hated with only minimal staff I've not had any attention from men in a long time. My main issue is really if this guy is serious or not, if not that's great as takes the pressure off and I can just enjoy harmless flirting which probably makes us both feel good about ourselves (he may too like some out of marriage attention) but if he's serious then I know I mustn't encourage it as that would put me in a difficult position. Any tips on how you know if a married man is flirting seriously or just for fun?

[TablesandChairs]

Why do you care if he's flirting seriously or just for fun? It doesn't matter - you're both married. Continue being civil as you would be towards any work colleague and leave it at that.

Essentially, you're flirting with danger. You haven't had any male attention now it's gone to your head. Relax, take a step back and look at things logically. So he grabs you and kisses you and you reciprocate; apart from a few moments of exhilaration, you've achieved nothing except cheating on your husband, which could have big consequences.

Work of spicing up your marriage, going out as a couple or whatever you need to do to reignite the spark. Don't be too flattered by his flirting; a lot of men will flirt with anything that looks half decent. In my job, the amount of married men who flirt with me in very obvious ways is sickening, but they're the same with most of the younger women there.

[michelle23]

STOP flirting. it may seem harmless but its detrimental. flirt with your husband. me and my bf still flirt all the time, banter, laughter, being playful, cheeky. if you continue this-you will eventually want more than just flirting. why do you need male attention to feel confident? you have everything you could want and more. get all dolled up for your husband, buy sexy underwear, bring this need for attention to feel desired into your marriage.

look up emotional affairs and the dangers.

people have come here before in your exact situation. ignored all the advice and were back a few months later saying they cheated. dont be one of them. this bloke prob thinks its all innocent harmless fun too for now but he will likely regret it all if anything happens

[Shameful]

Ok so update time, I've made a big effort to forget this guy and had some lovely quality time with my hubby and for a bit it worked as he's kept his distance and I can tell I'm moving on from being flattered by his attentions.....until today when he came over to chat to me and goddam I can feel myself falling for his charms again! My colleague even said as he left "he soooo fancies you" so I think that confirms that he doesn't act the same round others in the office. I just shrugged it of and laughing said "oooo lucky me" but I won't deny he's still messing with my head! Gah!

[michelle23]

you need to tell him to back off. if you have insecurities-then you need to work on fixing them. Your husband loves you-gives you lots of attention-that should be enough. get some counselling if you feel the need for this kinda attention from others as it will ruin your marriage and your whole life. Its not worth it.