Does he only want sex?

[jonnybegood]

Umm sounds like he does, I had a similar issue, we message everyday and if I don't I'm in trouble, she's the one who doesn't want a relationship, we meet up 4-6 times a month and its just sex, whilst I held out hope that in time her feelings would change and we'd move forward I even thought it had last time we meet up we talked for 3 hours, I was just having a kiss and cuddle before I drove home, and got dragged upstairs for an hour.

Some people are just built differently, but when I've told her I need more and I begin to drift, she tells me everything I want to hear and I get hooked again.
I think we need to know what we want and whilst we may compromise on somethings, our intentions are something we shouldn't, ok off to take my own advice now I think.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[lalalita]

you either want a relationship, or you want a fling. the gray area you're creating I don't think is 100% honest on your part. I think you believe by telling him you're open to a fling, that this will "trick" him into spending more time with you, where he will magically realize he wants to be in a relationship with you. This isn't going to happen. He has been up front with you about what he wants and what he doesn't want. You have told him you're okay with a fling but "prefer" a relationship...when you really want a relationship and him "just wanting sex"(which you said you're okay with) is making you post on an online forum seeing if that's what he wants...when he told you.

[4blossoms]

I think maybe I have been unclear about what I want. I know I don't want a relationship with him right this minute. We've only had 4 dates, so I don't know if he would make a good boyfriend or not. Right now I just want to know that our dating *could* lead to something more in the future. And he said he might be open to a relationship in the future. So, hmm... I guess things are ok as is for now...

[smackie9]

You are not getting what she has said. In general YOU are looking for a relationship right? and it sounds to me he is not. Personally I would date a better prospect than him. He doesn't really have any future expectations laid out....he is being too vague.

You need to find someone, that say yes they are looking for a relationship, lets see how this goes. That is the way it should sound.

[michelle23]

yes stop wasting your time on this guy. If a guy is really into you and wants a relationship with you-you will know it

[4blossoms]

Dating is very confusing nowadays.

I'm just not going to sleep with him for several months. If he is still around after a long time I'll have the LTR talk.

[michelle23]

so your gonna take whatever crumbs he is willing to give you even if that is not really what you want?? I will never understand a large % of people who can so easily settle for second best but whatever..

[Kromat83]

Dating is very confusing nowadays.

I'm just not going to sleep with him for several months.
If he is still around after a long time I'll have the LTR talk.

How long are you going to let him manipulate you like this ?
It seems now like it will lead to just sex at this point,
and he says he isn't ready atm, maybe it's better to believe him.

You see potential in this person ?
I think only people that have long-term intentions in mind, should be in relationships.
If it's the other way around, it's merely a fling for two people to just have sex.

I really don't get how so many people obsess over one thing,
which really doesn't make the person that they are.

If he is bad in bed lets say, you will put too much weight of it not working out, instead of helping that person get better.
It's suppose to be an intimate time between two people that love each other, and it is special regardless, but it's improving, it'll be that much more worth it in the long run.

P.S. it's your life, do what you want

[smackie9]

Ya we don't want to see you come back here starting a thread that says "He won't put a title on our relationship, how can I get him to commit?"

We see this so many times on here.....it's a fruitless venture.

Anyways, you heard it form us, you do whatever, and best of luck to you.

[4blossoms]

I think when you like someone a lot you just can't think clearly or rationally! But I see now that this guy is just stringing me along and the way he treats me is just shoddy, so if he ever contacts me again I will cut my losses and move on. If I'm lucky he'll disappear into the blue and never contact me again.

I found one of Evan Mark Katz's articles really helpful: http://bit.ly/OeBkT

He basically says that to know if the guy is falling for you: "he’ll call you as soon as possible to make plans to see you again. That’s it."

I found that in the confusion of all my feelings this was a clear cut way to determine whether or not to keep dating.

[smackie9]

Thanks for the update. Hope you find someone that will truly fulfill your expectations.

[Maple1714]

Well, I know after 20 years I definitely have bad taste in men. But right now I'm not settling for just sex because we haven't had it. I told him I wanted to know him better first. I do suck at playing hard to get and probably look too available.

I'm confused about some mixed signals from him. On our date a few days ago he did a few romantic things. We were at a bar and he serenaded me with a song. Then while we were waiting for the bus we were embracing and he was looked at me and gently brushed hair out of my eyes. We talked about our jobs / careers and the challenges we're facing. He told me not to worry because he knows I'll get through these challenges. He sounded so supportive. The next day I emailed him that I had a good time and can't wait to hear him sing more. He usually replies to my email the same day, but it's been 2 days and I haven't heard back.

Guess I am being too clingy by emailing the next day.

Forget him. My motto is to let the guy always come to you. Don't contact him anymore and if he asks you for another date, go but ask him straight up where he sees things between you going. If he can't give you a straight answer than forget him, there are plenty of guys out there that know what they want. Find a man not a boy. Find a man who isn't afraid to catch you and put in the work it takes to have a relationship.

[4blossoms]

So, I told him today that I'm looking for a serious relationship and he said that lots of things are uncertain in his life and they need to be resolved first before focusing on a relationship. Softens the blow, yeah?

I'm starting to wonder if "too busy" just a code word for "I'm not interested".