Need some advice! Help!

[gemma110]

Hi everyone!

Ok, so this could be a potentially long story, but here goes......

So, just under 2 months ago, I started dating a friend. I have known him for years, but we had been particularly close for about a year. I travelled 100s of miles with him for one of his interviews, he once travelled 200 miles to see me at uni for less than 24 hours, we ended up speaking every day online, and he kept hinting at how "amazing" it would be if we dating, so around 2 months ago, we finally agreed to make a go of it. We are both really shy and have never been in relationships before, which is why it didn't happen sooner. But the reality of it is, I love him, and have done for quite some time!

For the first 10 days of the relationship I was at home, local to where he lives, and yet he didn't arrange to see me until the night before I had to go back to uni. So we had been dating for 10 days, and he hadn't even attempted to see me (not for my want of trying!). When he did finally see me, we met up with a load of his friends, who I'd never met before, and we didn't even get to spend much time alone. We had a brilliant night all the same, but it was a difficult "first-date"!

I then went to uni for the last 3 weeks of my degree....He's used to me being away, so this was relatively normal, I usually had some form of communication with him everyday. He even tried to get time off work to come to my degree show in London, which was sweet :-)

However, since I've been home again, things have been a bit strange, and I'm starting to get concerned. I've been home 2 weeks, and I have barely seen him. I know we both like our own space, but I thought he'd want to see me more often. I'm not a clingy person, and I don't think I'm asking a lot to see him once every 5 days or so? Right? But when we do meet up, it seems to have to be on his terms. Whenever I suggest meeting up, he doesn't seem that interested, even though he'd recently had loads of time free! He also has a habit of arranging to meet up, and then changing plans continuously, which is mostly because he's massively disorganised, but you would think if he wanted to see me, he wouldn't be doing this...

Neither of us are clingy, or particularly affectionate and we both understand that. And because I am so nervous, I still haven't plucked up the courage to kiss him (I know, ridiculous, right?). He obviously hasn't kissed me either, which I also think is down to nerves. I thought if I could start being more affectionate towards him, then a kiss would happen naturally, but he tells me I'm being "mushy" if I so much as tell him I miss him, so its becoming really hard work.

I'm at such a loss for what to do.....he barely seems to want to see me sometimes, and yet he has often spoken about us being together "forever" and how suited we are to each other. I love him, and I think he loves me (he said he did), but I just can't understand his way of thinking at the moment. I think a lot of his recent behaviour is because he is starting a new job tomorrow, and is incredibly nervous (though he would never tell me that!), and when he's nervous he just shuts down...So he's not really speaking to me at the moment. I know he's nervous about us too, but he won't let me speak to him about things and gets really awkward when I say anything remotely affectionate to him.


Its now at a point where I'm getting really agitated at him not wanting to see me, and at not being able to speak to him about stuff. But I love him, and I know he loves me, so I don't want to end it before it's even started.......And to top it all off, there is a chance that I am going to have to move away to find a job. He's always known that I can't live at home and do my job, and he's always said he would come with me anywhere (and I said I couldn't ask him to do that!). But he starts a new job tomorrow, that's based around home. And if I want to get a decent job in the subject that im qualified in, I have to move away from him. I'm sorry worried that this whole thing just isn't going to work.....And I just don't know what to do or what to think?!

[miki036]

I don't know what his problem is as of the moment..
is it pride? or is it that he just don't want to talk to you..
Maybe he does love you but not to the extent that you love him..
maybe, he did love you but seems that the attraction faded.. or..
the fact that he did get a job at home.. which means it would be pointless if he would really go with you when you get a job..

I say that you give a last to him..
after his job interview..
and set things clear.. if he wants to be with you or not..

but I really do suggest that whatever happens, go pursue your dreams

[michelle23]

if hes not meeting your expectations then walk away. you could try talking to him first-ask him what the deal is with the two of you but it sounds like hes not that into you..

[4 ratties]

Sounds like you guys are not compatible. I would break up now, it would only be harder later. This doesn't even sound like a relationship, you guys don't even hang out