girlfriend issues

[toknow]

So following your train of thought.....When my girlfriends told me we were going to X café and found it was full, their decision to find another café and text me about the new venue makes them a bunch of liars.

No, that's incorrect. I already explained it to you - This is the same explanation with your scenario.
You are talking about cases which don't have much consequence, and since no one expects you to get a table at a full cafe, they will be ok with that, and since they would be ok with that, it won't be a lie because it's an expected common knowledge and not a contract (an agreement). However if you told them you will wait for them at the first (full) restaurant and you went to the second one and didn't wait for them as you told them you will, then that's a lie. Because you had an agreement and they expected you there as you told them you will be and they depend on your keeping your word.

[basilandthyme]

While a tuk tuk would be my choice of transport in Thailand, it's common knowledge that tourists ride bikes in Thailand - just as it's common knowledge that restaurants get full. She didn't think she would ride a bike, but when she got there she was confident that it would be OK and changed her mind.

The OP's girlfriend did not have a *contract or agreement* that she would not ride. She simply thought that she wasn't going to do it and subsequently changed her mind. The OP has clearly stated in is post #6 that "I didn't even ask her not do it in the first place". If he didn't ask and she didn't agree, where is the contract?

He was not waiting for her to be somewhere she wasn't. She didn't leave him stranded while she went riding. In short he was not inconvenienced and she did not set out with intent to deceive him. And after all, the definition of a lie is in the *intent* to deceive.

The only contract I can see is where she agreed to wait for him so she could eat a fruit with him. However, it's common knowledge that it's rude to refuse food offered by hosts (unless you dislike the food - but even then, it's good manners to eat a little if you can). Therefore, this common knowledge of manners should explain why she didn't wait for him. Besides, how special can a bit of fruit be??? I mean, really.

[toknow]

While a tuk tuk would be my choice of transport in Thailand, it's common knowledge that tourists ride bikes in Thailand - just as it's common knowledge that restaurants get full. She didn't think she would ride a bike, but when she got there she was confident that it would be OK and changed her mind.

The OP's girlfriend did not have a *contract or agreement* that she would not ride. The OP has clearly stated that he did not ask her to avoid bikes. He was not waiting for her to be somewhere she wasn't. She didn't leave him stranded while she went riding. She simply thought that she wasn't going to do it and subsequently changed her mind.

I can't see that she set out with intent to deceive him. And after all, the definition of a lie is in the *intent* to deceive.

They had an agreement that she wouldn't do that, period. That's all that's needed for her to lie if she breaks that agreement.

If she breaks that agreement she is intentionally breaking it, therefore intentionally not keeping her promise, not keeping her true word, therefore that's a lie.

[Bo]

They had an agreement that she wouldn't do that, period. That's all that's needed for her to lie if she breaks that agreement.

If she breaks that agreement she is intentionally breaking it, therefore intentionally not keeping her promise, not keeping her true word, therefore that's a lie.

Wrong, he said he told her she "should" wait. Still no contract. And all that is some silly bullshit, he sounds like a nit picky 10 year old throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get his way.


He is sabotaging himself and the relationship.

[toknow]

Wrong, he said he told her she "should" wait. Still no contract. And all that is some silly bullshit, he sounds like a nit picky 10 year old throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get his way.


He is sabotaging himself and the relationship.

You're completely wrong.

"Before she left, she told me that she wouldn't hop on a moped or motorbike there, and within 24 hours of her being there, a family-friend gave her a ride to show her around town."

That's an agreement. She told him she won't do something, she knew he cared about that agreement, and she broke the agreement. What is so hard here to understand - it's extremely elementary.

[basilandthyme]

I had told her that I was upset because she told me she wasn't going to do something dangerous, as around two people die in Vietnam on moped/motorbikes every hour.

OP, do you realise that your girlfriend is far more likely to die in a US car accident than on a bike in Vietnam? How do you cope with her doing such a risky activity at home?

Rough stats: US has population of 300mill and about 31,000 (80 per day) die in car accidents. Vietnam has population of 87million and only 2 die in bike accidents each day.

[Bo]

You're completely wrong.

"Before she left, she told me that she wouldn't hop on a moped or motorbike there, and within 24 hours of her being there, a family-friend gave her a ride to show her around town."

That's an agreement. She told him she won't do something, she knew he cared about that agreement, and she broke the agreement. What is so hard here to understand - it's extremely elementary.

About the fruit. And Your argument is getting really old, your logic is completely wack. I wonder what happens when real problems arise

[Anna1408]

I think you're being way too heavy with this girl. I'm having very similar problems with my guy because he watches my every move and judges me over the most trivial things. In my case I have reacted by being slightly dishonest and rejoining a forum that my guy ordered me to leave (even though I had done nothing improper there whatsoever). It just gets to the point where you feel you can't breathe if a person is so controlling. If you make such a big deal about these little things then your girl will rebel in the same way I have done and the feeling of trust will be broken.

Give her some space and she will love and respect you much more.

[Stillits]

The thing about vacations is that you experience something new and learn new things. Going on a vacation is taking a chance, I can't understand why you would attempt to limit the experiences she can make. You SHOULD imo try street food when you go to Asia - it is awesome! It's part of the adventure. I gotta say I think you're overreacting - there's no telling how you feel when you go there, maybe you smell the street food and want to try it despite deciding at home it's "not safe". If she is 25 she is old enough to decide for herself what she wants and decide what she thinks is too dangerous. It's not worth starting an argument over these things. Once you're in a different situation it is easy to change your mind.

[smackie9]

I think you're being way too heavy with this girl. I'm having very similar problems with my guy because he watches my every move and judges me over the most trivial things. In my case I have reacted by being slightly dishonest and rejoining a forum that my guy ordered me to leave (even though I had done nothing improper there whatsoever). It just gets to the point where you feel you can't breathe if a person is so controlling. If you make such a big deal about these little things then your girl will rebel in the same way I have done and the feeling of trust will be broken.

Give her some space and she will love and respect you much more.

This proves my point To(NOT!)know.

[4 ratties]

Everyone is missing the point here. It's not about her doing what she did, it's about her saying one thing, and then doing another.

When you are with someone you need to be honest with them. If you say something, do it. If you don't want to do it, then don't say you will.

Ill give u the answer your looking for. Everyone has covered the controlling issue
.... It's not that she doesn't respect you! She's on vacation and letting herself go a little bit. It doesn't mean you can't trust her or that she doesn't keep to her word, she is honestly on vacation and kicking back a little bit. If she was doing things she said she wouldn't do in her everyday life then that is different but she is on vacation and you need to let it go.

[toknow]

This proves my point To(NOT!)know.

You don't have a point.

[toknow]

About the fruit. And Your argument is getting really old, your logic is completely wack. I wonder what happens when real problems arise

That's your argument?...BAHHAHAHHAH

[VincenzoG91]

We are talking about someone's life, not whether to buy apples or oranges. But if you want to be technical about it, yes it's a lie.

They apparently had a specific agreement about this.

Wrong. The OP specifically mentioned that one of his recent concerns involved the precise timing of when she would eat a specific type of fruit. That isn't a matter of life or death, it's just fruit.

And these specific agreements are not just agreements. Every single one of these agreements involves the OP pressuring her into agreeing to doing something his way. None of these agreements go the other way, where she asks him to agree to do something. Why is that? Because he is a control freak. And she keeps breaking these petty little agreements because she isn't going to live her life according to his controlling tendencies. If he can't control himself and his manipulative tendencies, he is going to lose this woman. That's probably for the best, because they don't seem particularly compatible. Opposites may attract, but that doesn't mean they will get along. Even if there is an "agreement."

[VincenzoG91]

Another thing happened last night before bed. I had told her that I really wanted to try a very specific Vietnamese fruit that can't be found in the US. I told her I wanted to try it with her and that she should wait for me until I arrive. She said she already had it when she was 16 and she had it last week when she first arrived when a family-friend offered it to her. I still told her to wait to have it again. I wanted to share that experience with her together -- if she's eating it already, it wouldn't be as special since she's already had it a couple times in the very first week of her being there.

I'm sure that you and your piece of Vietnamese fruit will be very happy together, after your girlfriend leaves you.