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Thread: My drug addict boyfriend dumped me. Why do I feel so devestated?

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    My drug addict boyfriend dumped me. Why do I feel so devestated?

    Me and my newly ex have been together for almost 2 years now. A year ago we moved in together. We furnished the apartment together. It felt so good. The place is gorgeous. We made it home. I love his family. They love me. Before we moved in it was like a fairytale. He treated me like a princess and I've never felt so happy. Ever since we moved in though, I started noticing that he never had money and it was strange, because I knew he was doing really well. And then the problems started, because I believe that if anything it should be 50/50 in a household. Then I started being suspicious and I searched his car. I found Suboxone wrap. Then I found syringes in his closet and steroids vile.It's ridiculous because I've always told him that I can't stand those steroid pumped gym guys. And yet, he became one all of a sudden. I went to him and said that I truly love him and if he needs help, he just needs to talk to me and I'll help with whatever I can. He said that he had an opiate problem and was trying to get better. I believed it at the time, but now I know it was all bull. Then he told me he got into money scam with a payday loan and lost money. About 3000$. Everyday I caught him in some kind of lie. Somewhere in the back of my head I've always known that we were gonna break up eventually, since he was never telling the truth and there was so many problems.
    So one day a month ago he asked if it was ok to go to a Philllies game and I said that he doesn't need to ask me about it. I told him to go and have fun, but be careful not to get ****ed up, because he had to drive all the way back home.... Well, he didn't come home. He disappeared for 2 days. I was so sick worried, I called his family. They told me horrible stories how he stole from them and that he had a drug problem. When he finally got back we had a talk and he told me that our relationship was long over and that we need some time apart. The next day I got his phone and found that he met another girl. I mean , I could go on and on how many things are wrong with him.... My mind knows that this break up is probably the best thing that could happen, because I don't deserve any of that crap. My entire body is sick though. I haven't eaten in so long. I've lost so much weight. I feel so depressed. I wanna stop whining to my friends. I'm so much more beautiful and smart than any of his little side **** buddies. And I know. I know. But how the **** do I feel normal again? How did I get so attached to the biggest looser ever. I don't even feel jealous of the other girl, because she is nothing special. Maybe it's the betrayal. Maybe it's the shattered dream of having a wonderful family to come home to. I know it's not only his fault. Everytime he said he loved me, I didn't answer back. I just felt that I person that lies to me all the time doesn't deserve to hear those words back. So I wake up every morning. I look at our pictures and I wonder how the person that gave me diamonds yesterday, now is in the biggest debt ever and doesn't wanna call his mother that's has terminal cancer. Did I do wrong because I didn't settle with the lies and lack of ambition? I feel incredible guilt, because this person that I once called the love of my life is so out of touch with reality. I want him to get better,but I know that if he doesn't want to help himself, it's just not gonna happen. People tell me to take care of myself. And I try, but it's so hard. I go out almost every night. Guys tell me how beautiful I am and blablabla. And everythime I go out and somebody tries to talk to me, I just feel like I wanna throw up. All I want is to figure out how to find myself again. I just want to be normal. I just want to stop feeling so sad, because there are days when the pain is so strong that I'm scared that I'll do something stupid......

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    Ahhhh I want to give you a hug. But one day you'll look back and realize he did you a favor.
    Last edited by Empty Road; 01-07-13 at 04:29 PM.

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    hun the pain you are feeling is temporary. You will get through this. You just have to be strong now and IF he comes back-you tell him to f**k off. Get those locks changed. You cannot fix him or change him. He is an addict and honestly it was only a matter of time before he was cheating on you. You cannot trust anyone who is off their face on drugs. Their thinking is distorted, they also only use the selfish part of their brain (me, me, me) He did you a favor. You can do so much better and you need to realize you deserve better. His cheating should be the final nail in the coffin. He betrayed you and there is no going back from that. Your young, you have your whole life ahead of you, so much to look forward to. Never waste your life or sacrifice your happiness for a loser like this. You have nothing holding you back.

    There are much better men out there. You just need to mourn this loss, get through the grief. Soon you will feel strong and confident again and ready to take on the whole world. Keep your chin up and hold your head high. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong. He has thrown his life down the toilet. That was his choice. You dont need to follow him to the grave. You need to look after you, focus on getting over him, accepting its over and that you are too good for him and move on.

    Set some goals now. Example: "I will use this time constructively by putting every ounce of energy into work and I will get promoted within 6 months". Go do it!
    "Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".

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    Lol too bad! Hahaha!

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    I faced a similar (not exactly the same of course) feeling when I was dumped by one of my ex-boyfriends, so I can kind of imagine what you're going through. He was an alcoholic, though... :S Basically, you feel the way you do because you wish you could have helped. You wish that things were different. You wish you didn't fall into a bad spot with a guy like that... Anywhere close to right? :S My best advice is to take time to confront it emotionally by accepting it. Cope. Take as much time as you need to heal over it. And reassure yourself that just because the past was that way, doesn't mean that has to be the future. Remember that you did all you could to help and that in the end you'll find someone who is much better for you. You can't save everyone, OP.

    I hope this helps a tiny bit... :S

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    Thank you everyone! Your words mean more than you can imagine. Posting my sad story here was very therapeutic and as weird as it sounds helped a lot. I am surprised that I feel a little better every day. I was thinking I was never gonna get out of that dark place I fell into. I know that it took a lot of time for people with similar situations to gain their sense of normality.The kind of pain that I was feeling two weeks ago and the way that I feel now is incomparable. And it's talking to people that made all the difference. So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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    Your welcome. Just always remember-you are worth more. Dont settle for second best. your mr right is out there so set those standards high
    "Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".

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    Quote Originally Posted by michelle23 View Post
    Your welcome. Just always remember-you are worth more. Dont settle for second best. your mr right is out there so set those standards high
    ^ Couldn't have said it any better than that, Michelle. OP, I think you'll do fine. You seem stronger than you realize.

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    I though I was doing really well for a while, but then we had a conversation and things got horrible. He is acting so normal and his words make so much sense. It hurts me even more. All of a sudden he wants us to be friends. But I can't. I just can't. He says he is just honest about the fact he doesn't love me anymore. And there isn't anything I can do about it. He texted me that the other day " I don't want to cause you pain. I know you don't deserve any of this. You're a great woman. I'm the one that ****ed up. And you have every reason in the world to consider me dead to you. You're right I'm a looser and ill be out of your life completely. I just need the rrste of this month to find somewhere . I just want you to find it in your heart to forgive me. Even if you never tell me that you do. You're an amazing person and deserves better than me. I'm truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you. But if you want me to be dead to you, I will be that."
    He is such a sweet talker. I'm so lost and in pain.... I wish I could forgive, but I guess I'm not such a great person after all. He shattered my entire world and expects me to be understanding. I know his words make sense, but my entire being tells me that's not right.
    Last edited by missvicky; 09-07-13 at 11:41 PM.

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    I went through this kind of pain many years ago. I started dating a woman who was really cool. Easy to get along with, and very low maintenance compared to most women that I've ever dated. I was a little uptight about the fact that she had two young kids, but they were really nice kids. Over the course of the next few months, she gradually got skinnier until she was borderline anorexic, and she seemed to have a very random sleep schedule. Then she kept having car problems, and I started giving her money to help with the car repairs. Finally, I realized that the car wasn't actually getting fixed, and I eventually figured out that she was smoking meth. I hung in there for much longer than I should have, on and off again, because I felt like I could really make a difference for her and her kids. I kept thinking about she was such a fun person to be around, except for the drugs, but the last time that she went to jail, I gave up. We sent letters back and forth while she was incarcerated, but I let her know that I had to move on. I did look her up on Facebook a year ago out of curiosity, and she seemed to be doing okay, but I haven't talked to her in a decade.
    Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

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    I just don't understand why he wants to hurt me more than he already did. I can't just turn a switch off and be his super cool friend all of a sudden.. How crazy would that be? I know he did me a favor and I try to stay away as much a I can, but I'm somehow always getting caught up in this shit again. I wanna move on, but it seems impossible...

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    Treat this like any other breakup. Go no-contact, take some time to be sad, and then get on with life. He made his (bad) choices. Now you need to make some (better) choices. Don't try to date someone new right away. Keep busy. Spend more time with friends and family. Focus on a hobby, or a start a new one. Adopt a pet. Do some volunteer work. Learn another language. Just keep busy and you will get through this just fine.
    Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

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    Vince is right hun. You have to cut all contact with him, block him from your phone, facebook etc. It takes time. You will feel like crap for awhile but nothing stays bad forever. You can take this time to figure out what you want in a man and when you are ready go and find him. You really can do better. I know hearing that now means nothing to you coz you are hurting but in time you will realize this is for the best
    "Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".

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    ur just feeling guilty because you wanted to help and the mere fact that a drug addict didn't want you . don't feel bad
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
    - Jimi Hendrix

    http://inspiringlovequotes.net

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    ^^^ As blunt and unsympathetic that is ~ There is a lot of truth to that.

    OP: Google codependency and educate yourself about it so that you don't keep picking men (or women if the shoe fits) that need fixing. White Knight syndrome and Florence Nightingale syndrome come to mind also and would be a good read. Being attracted to fixer-uppers is a curse, sadly *but it can be overcome with (just like for the drug addicted/alcoholic) a 12 step progarmme and support groups.
    Last edited by Wakeup; 11-07-13 at 12:21 AM. Reason: added at *
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

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