Should I date a cheat?

[Stephyy]

I'm currently dating a guy who has a history of being a 'player' and who cheated on his ex girlfriend. I know it doesn't sound good and it's literally taken him months to convince me to date him, but he's told our mutual friends that he's changed and I was wondering what you all think about whether people can change...

I've never had sex- I want my first time to be with someone who really cares about me. I've told him this and he says he wants to take things slow anyway. I guess it just seems a bit too good to be true- he's incredibly charming and I'm concerned he's just telling me what I want to hear in the hope I'll change my mind. But then again, I don't see why he'd waste time trying to change my mind when he could go out there and hook up with a different girl much more easily. I really want to believe him, he seems so lovely! But most people's advice is for me to stay away from him, and I think this is clouding my own intuition.

So, do you believe people change? I just don't want to let myself fall for someone who will ditch me as soon as I sleep with them.

[rafterman]

No dont go there, the fact you're a virgin, sealed it for me. I think he will bust your cherry then run. How old are you both ?

[Stephyy]

thanks for your advice, I'm 18 and he's 19

[lalalita]

Not all people who have cheated, will cheat again or on all partners. Do you know the circumstances behind what happened?

[Stephyy]

I'm not sure of the circumstances at all to be honest. He's told me that people have misconceptions about what he's like, but even his best friend told me that I'm 'too good for him'. Maybe I need to have a proper conversation with him about his past... I just don't know if it should matter!

[michelle23]

its the trill of the chase he loves and the fact your a virgin just makes you more of a challenge. hell f**k you and leave you like everyone else or else hell keep you around and cheat on you all the time. hes prob narcissistic and no its highly unlikely he will ever change. your vulnerable and hes a predator. dont fall for all his charm and bulls**t. you wont see what hes really like until he wants you to and believe me when his true colors show-you will wish youd never met him.

this guy needs to be taken down a peg or two and you should be the one to do it. if you want to knock that already fragile ego of his-tell him he will never stand a chance with a girl like you, your way too good for him and he should take his charm and dirty d**k to some silly naive whore coz thats the only type that will ever fall for him. the damaged goods and used garbage that other men dont want. thats all hes good for.

then stay away from him and go find yourself a nice man who will look after you and treat you right

[smackie9]

The reality of it is, no matter how shady or clean a person's past is, there is no guarantee they will be faithful, or that the relationship will last. These are the chances you take when dating anyone. So talking to him about it isn't going to change whatever happens in the future.

If you are so worried about giving up your virginity to the right person, then I say give it up to the man who marries you. If that is out of the question then you will just have to risk it plain and simple.

[michelle23]

I'm not sure of the circumstances at all to be honest. He's told me that people have misconceptions about what he's like, but even his best friend told me that I'm 'too good for him'. Maybe I need to have a proper conversation with him about his past... I just don't know if it should matter!

you should listen to the people around you. even his best friend warned you about him. please take the advice and run from him. he will mess you up.never trust a guy with a player rep. ever. some do change but usually not until they get their heart ripped out and lose everything that really matters. that could be years. dont listen to a word he says-he will charm the pants off you if you let him and once that happens your worthless to him. think with your head and keep your heart far away from your sleeve. too many stupid naive women think they can fix a guy like him or be the one to make him change. each time they learn the hard way and by the time hes done with them-they have severe low self esteem and extreme trust issues. he will damage you so bad that you will find it difficult to ever trust again. iv seen friends of mine fall for this kinda s**t and they are so f**ked up . dont be one of them

[smackie9]

Make him wait about 6 months to a year and see how that goes. If he starts to pressure you in anyway, then you have your answer.....I know someone who waited almost a year. He was 21 she was 18. They are still married to this day with two children.

[namemyname]

If his best friend throws him under the bus, what does that tell you?

I also agree that it's likely the lure of the forbidden fruit that's turning him on. I imagine a virgin is a powerful score for a player.

If you want your first time to be special, I doubt this guy is going to be it.

I'd also be concerned that other people that know him are telling you to walk.

[HeartIsAching]

People CAN change, but it usually takes a major life-changing event to make it happen. If nothing like that happened that you know of, I'd walk away.

Unless of course you thrive on drama - then go ahead.

[smackie9]

You don't have to worry about sleeping with him.....just don't. Hey you can just enjoy the attention of this charming man for a little bit then dump him for a proper guy later.

[michelle23]

thats if you can prevent yourself from getting attached. with a guy like this i would mess him around so bad-give him a taste of his own medicine put his dirty paws would get nowhere near me

[smackie9]

See Stephyy....what did I tell ya ; )

[Stephyy]

haha I really appreciate all your comments! I'm not looking for anything serious- I've made this clear to him and yet he's still interested so I'll just take things as they come... I know myself well enough not to be seduced by someone who's clearly after one thing! As soon as he starts being pressuring me he's out!