Should I date a cheat?

[TablesandChairs]

He's being nice to you because he wants something (and it's probably not your love). More than likely, he likes the thrill of the chase, you being a virgin makes it even more worthwhile.

Listen to what people are saying - reputations don't come out of nowhere. If losing your virginity to someone who is genuine is a priority for you...then think long and hard. Your first time can't be repeated and it depends on you as to how valuable you want the experience to be. It would be sad if he used for sex then dumped you.

[michelle23]

Why??? She even sai she doesn't want a relationship? She is of age, just be careful and smart about it. Really save herself for Mr. Right?? Honestly, how many women on this board only had sex with Mr. Right and lived happily ever after? And of the many that will say no I didn't, how many regret being a few men when they were 19? Give me a break.

Shes 19 and a virgin. She obviously waited this long for a reason. We are not saying meet prince charming, fall in love, live happily ever after. All were saying is dont allow a guy to use you (whether your a virgin or not)

And I am not worried about her losing her v to this guy. If she wants to f**k and leave him-thats fine. I am more worried about him manipulating her, wrapping her around his little finger and walking all over her. Destroying every ounce of confidence she has and making her feel so small and insecure-that it will take a long time before she is ready to ever have a healthy relationship with anyone else again. Riddled with extreme trust issues and losing all faith in all men. That is what these guys do IF she sticks around for a year or two giving him chance after chance after chance. My cousin and all her friends have been with guys like him. Some of them are now anorexic, some were cutting themselves and suicidal, some bulimic, some going from dog to dog almost enjoying being hurt again and again. No exaggeration. These girls are f**ked up.

[Empty Road]

I just don't want to let myself fall for someone who will ditch me as soon as I sleep with them.

and so you decide to date a known cheater/player? hmmm.. I'm questioning your logic here.

[Stephyy]

and so you decide to date a known cheater/player? hmmm.. I'm questioning your logic here.

I've been dating him because of the fact he's told me he's happy to take things slow... and the fact he's told his friends this as well as me. I guess I was hoping for replies more like 'oh yeah guys can change and he's only 19 so he's still finding himself, maybe he's found that the player life is not for him yada yada yada'... but you're all making a lot of sense- there's plenty of lovely guys out there who don't have a history of being a player or a cheat so why risk being with one who may have changed if I can have one that was never like it in the first place?

[Empty Road]

I've been dating him because of the fact he's told me he's happy to take things slow... and the fact he's told his friends this as well as me. I guess I was hoping for replies more like 'oh yeah guys can change and he's only 19 so he's still finding himself, maybe he's found that the player life is not for him yada yada yada'... but you're all making a lot of sense- there's plenty of lovely guys out there who don't have a history of being a player or a cheat so why risk being with one who may have changed if I can have one that was never like it in the first place?

Yup, glad you start to see things more clearer. Words means nothing when the person who speak it has no foundation of trust. He knows what to say to make girls believe him. You'll always wonder if he's lying or not. Do you really want to keep guessing? Like you say, there are plenty of lovely guys out there, why not go for one that you can wholeheartedly trust. And to answer your question. People don't change that easily, they get better at hiding their deceit. Imagine if you have a really good boyfriend, could you ever cheat on him? Why not? Think about it. You see it takes a very selfish nature and sometimes emotionally detached personality to be able to hurt someone u supposedly love doesn't it? Well, wish you the best with this.

[michelle23]

I've been dating him because of the fact he's told me he's happy to take things slow... and the fact he's told his friends this as well as me. I guess I was hoping for replies more like 'oh yeah guys can change and he's only 19 so he's still finding himself, maybe he's found that the player life is not for him yada yada yada'... but you're all making a lot of sense- there's plenty of lovely guys out there who don't have a history of being a player or a cheat so why risk being with one who may have changed if I can have one that was never like it in the first place?

Im glad you are seeing sense. Im not saying you can tar them all with the same brush. Some do have a heart, they just have so many issues, insecurity, low self esteem, dysfunctional childhood, bad role models or being scared to not fit in or needing to prove a point to the word (example: ya im not the best looking or tallest guy but women fall all over me-insecurity) sometimes they have no emotional intelligence and dont know how to be a good partner or how to treat women. A lot of them deep down hate themselves for the pain they cause others but still have a self-destruct button that goes off every time they feel like a cornered rat. There not all necessarily bad people with a hole where there heart should be BUT there issues are too big for you to understand and you cannot fix him. Maybe one day he will regret all of his past and get counselling to deal with all his crap in order to be a better man (many do eventually) but he probably has a lot of hard lessons to learn between now and then. Hes like a spider trying to catch a fly. You cannot trust him. And its pointless trying to understand him or trying to help him. Find a guy who doesnt need to be fixed or changed. Who already has what it takes to be a good bf.

[Am I crazy?]

You are his "project". He will work very hard and take his time if he thinks he will get to bag a virgin.

[michelle23]

yes ^^^ its all part of the trill. Your the shiny new toy. Once he gets what he wants-thats it your no longer fun to play with

[VincenzoG91]

You are his "project". He will work very hard and take his time if he thinks he will get to bag a virgin.

Seems like they both have a "project." He wants to change her into a non-virgin and she wants to change him into a good person. They should be dating other people, not each other.

[IndiReloaded]

Still thinking this is a bored high school student.

Schooooolllsss out - for - summah!

[Rowen]

Seems like they both have a "project." He wants to change her into a non-virgin and she wants to change him into a good person. They should be dating other people, not each other.

Exactly, and if you're walking into the relationship thinking it's a project, you're not really having much of a relationship at all. It'd never work.