Stay with unambitious boyfriend or leave?

[bottie]

I am a 30 year old woman with a younger boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years. He is a sweet guy but also a jobless graduate with an enormous debt (only study related costs, nothing frivolous). He tried finding a job in his chosen career field for a year, but there are almost no jobs in that area available. For the past year he has earnt 500 dollars a month in a minimum wage job (parttime). He still lives with his parents officially, but spends most of his time at my place. He lives very frugally, but hasn't been able to save anything. He even had to close down his bank account so that he wouldn't have to pay the rent for his debt anymore (he will file for bankrupcy soon). He doenst have a bank account of his own anymore and uses his father's. He works a maximum of 12 hours per week. The rest is spent doing sports (3 hours per day), reading comics and online forums. When I put some pressure on him, he'll put 1-2 hours a week into finding work. He still hasnt combined his lower wage job with another one. His plan for now is filing for bankrupcy and waiting until he sees a job that he likes. He says it's 'easy' to work hard towards something, when you know what you want and that its his misfortune that he doesnt know.
Meanwhile, I work 60-100 hours every week in a very demanding career that I don't particularly love but appreciate because I at least have a job. I've been making these hours since I was 22 and really can't understand his lack of motivation. Also I really need to sometimes go on vacation to destress from my job, but it isnt possible with him unless I pay for everything. I find myself losing respect for him and his situation. I also dont respect his family, since his parents live on government benefits while they spent all of their time doing fun stuff and earning money on the side.
He does cook for me almost every day and pays half of the groceries bills (but no other costs). He also helps me out around the house if I have small problems.
Ever since I turned 30 I feel really stuck. I will have to move cross country soon for a job offer, and on one hand I am looking forward to having him there by my side. On the other hand, he will still need to be registered at his parents home because of the bankrupcy plans and we will not be able to start a family for years. If we do, I will still have to work fulltime to make ends meet. He is planning on finding a job abroad, but so far nothing concrete has happened.
I look good, have a lot of friends and a good career, but I know I would really miss him. What should I do?

[michelle23]

This would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry but his parents have thought him its okay to be lazy and leech off others and it seems that is exactly what he is doing. Your 30-I am guessing you want to get married and have kids in the next 5-10 years and then have the option of working part time or not at all so you can rear your kids. That wont happen with this man.

Sure breaking up you will miss him, it will hurt for awhile but you will get over it in time.

[Am I crazy?]

I say give him a month to find some sort of job whether in his field or out. I would even go as far as to help him find agencies to help place him. If he has offers and does not accept them then I would dump him. My guess is he is one of those guys with a degree who feels it is beneath him to take work outside of his field. Also, if he is contemplating bankruptcy getting a job may not be in his plans. If he has a job and files bankruptcy he will probably end up having to pay back his debt.

Bottom line: you are with a mooch. It will never change.

[namemyname]

3 years you've spend with this loser? Seriously, what's the attraction? I would find someone like this so unappealing. No job, not going to school, no ambition, no goals.

You're moving for a job? Good for you. Go do that, and leave him behind. He's not anything you'd want to pack up and throw in the car.

[surfhb2]

What's his career path? Maybe he's waiting for the bankruptcy to go through? If he can manage it might be a good idea to go with little less income till that's complete. Are you planning to marry and have kids?

Btw....jobs are hard to find right now so I hope you are taking that into consideration? It's hard to say since we don't know his story completely. I say give him more time.....if you were unemployed you'd be in the same position.

[Am I crazy?]

surfhb2- You are right. Jobs are very hard to find right now, especially when you only devote 1-2 hours a week to your search. If this guy really wanted a job, he would make finding a job a full time job.