Suspicious of my husband and sister

[TrinaRose]

This is my first time on a forum so, I apologize about my post if it's too lengthy. I just would like some unbiased advice from others I don't know personally instead of family and friends.

My title says it all. I am very suspicious of my husband and sister. I am 31. My husband is 35 and we have been married for one year. No kids yet. Just some background history, when I first met my husband 4 years ago, he was a bachelor. He had a house that he was buying, which is almost paid for at his young age and he was everything I wanted. It was as if he realized that I was the one for him and he let all of the other girls go and committed to me. I know he loves me and I love him. He is kind and he cares for me. We havent had any problems up until now.

So this summer, I decided that it would be okay for my younger sister who is 23 (she is adopted into my family). I decided that she should spend the summer with us. I like to have her around so that I can teach her things and be a big sister to her because she had some struggles. Nothing serious but she had a hard time finding herself but is now becoming a hair stylist which she is very good at.(I had to talk my husband into it as he wanted it to be time for only us) He agreed reluctantly.

So my problem is this. I work during the day and my husband is home and works his own hours and visits his office whenever he needs to. He has that privledge. I noticed that they have become very friendly toward one another and I do not like it. My sister is very flirty with his friends, around men period and sometimes their wives or girlfriends look at her like she's being too flirty. I told her about this and she said it wasnt her fault the women were insecure. and she sometimes dresses to show off her rather toned but curvy body. I am physically fit as well but its uncomfortable for me around my husband. He and I were in the jacuzzi and she came in with just a skimpy bikini and my husband, a natural man of course attempted to avert his eyes. I watch everything. They went out to lunch the other day and didnt even let me know which I thought was weird. He acted like he didnt want her there at first. What takes the cake is, I called my hubbys cell during lunch. No answer. I called her phone. No answer. I called the home phone and he answered after several rings and was breathing heavily. I asked what he was doing and he said he was out running and heard the phone when he came back in. He said my sister wasn't there. I came home that evening and my sister was gone but I noticed under my bed, a pair of thongs. They were her's because we visited a lingerie store and I know she got them. My sister has always said she loved my bed because it's so plush, in the past. I swear I can smell her perfume on my bed. Hope I'm being paranoid.They have been acting normal but I am so confused. I feel very paranoid but I dont want to ask and then nothing happened. That would make me the bad guy. I am bi-racial, my husband is white and my adopted sister is from Barbados. I am no racist but I didnt even think he would be into that so it's surprising because he seems very attracted to her. I hate to sound paranoid but I have that women instinct.

If something happened, I dont know what I would do. I would blame my sister for putting him in this situation and him for being such a low life cheater. My husband is acting sort of off and my sister is acting somewhat normal. How do I confront this situation?

[lalalita]

Do you have any other reasons to not trust your husband? Has he ever had a wandering eye in the past?

[vashti]

If you normally have good intuition, send your sister home immediately, and do not invite her to stay in your home again. Since you have no other evidence than her underwear in your room (why would they be there, even if she was merely sleeping on your bed?) you need not say anything more than you feel this was a violation of your privacy.

But I wouldn't pin the blame entirely on your sister. What you want to do about your husband can be decided after she's gone.

[basilandthyme]

I was thinking that you were being paranoid - until you wrote about her undies under your bed. I can't think of any good reason they'd be there.

Ship your sister back home and figure out what to do about your husband.

[smackie9]

I would have called my husband to have a look under the bed.....then I would expect some explaining....

[basilandthyme]

Just one thing to consider before you speak to your husband......does your sister have a history of making trouble? Could she be setting him up?

I know it's a long shot, but I do believe it's worth considering.

[smackie9]

Ya I thought that too. BUT that wouldn't explain their lunch together with both their phones off and the fact she wasn't told about it.....possible hotel room romp?

[MOVINGforward]

ahhh send her back home - immediately!!!!!!!!
you should be able to tell by your husbands reaction after she's gone.

[michelle23]

Put that underwear back where you found it and ask your husband what is it doing there like smackie suggested. Ask your sister to leave and then decide whether you are staying or going. My guess is they slept together. I would be packing my bags.

[TrinaRose]

You all have really got me thinking. I was halfway hoping for someone to think I was being paranoid as the truth hurts.

For some information, my husband is like the normal guy. As I said before, he was a ladies man before we started dating. If an attractive woman walks by or something, he may glance but he doesn't stare and be disrespectful. At least not in front of me. I am not naïve enough to say that he doesn't look at all because men are men. I have never had any suspicions of him cheating and things were normal before my sister came to visit. As for my sister, my family adopted her from Barbados when she was about fifteen. She was here in the States staying with friends and had really no direction. She was in an abusive relationship at the age of 15 and it was bad. She became close to our family through mutual friends and my parents took her in and she was eventually adopted. It's a long story so that's enough of that. However, she does have a history of lying and being very manipulative and using men to get what she wants. She doesn't have many friends because of her, its all about me attitude. She does have a very short temper towards strangers and she even lost her best friend because she opened up several lines of credit and financed a car in her friend's name. Its like she feeds off attention because she never got any growing up. With that being said, she has a history of being scandalous. But that is only to other people. She is very sweet to the family and protective and she really hasn't personally caused us problems. That is why I am concerned accusing her because I know it will just break her down and if something happened, I doubt she would be wanted in the family.

So last night, me and my husband had dinner and my sister still wasn't home at this time. I, of course didn't have an appetite because I was still agitated and confused. My hubby is normally all over me but he really seemed off. He also seemed to have had one too many drinks. He is normally polite but when he drinks, he can be an asshole. I asked him again, what did he do for the day and he said, he stopped by his office, came home, went running, showered and did some work around the house. I asked had he seen my sister and he said sort of smartly, no I haven't, why don't you just call her? So that started a small disagreement because I am like, what the hell is up with your attitude? A little while later, my sister comes in, dressed nice as if she been on a date or something. I ask her why haven't she been answering to let me know she was okay, and she just sort of shrugged, like okay, I will next time. I asked her how was her day and she said she lounged around earlier and then left for a date with one of my hubby's mutual friends. My sister came off as being normal but she sounded like she was boasting a little bit. No big deal to me because that's how she is but I didn't deem it necessary for her audience. As she was telling me about her little date, my hubby didn't say anything this whole entire time. He just basically ignored the conversation and sort of rolled his eyes to the ceiling and headed upstairs.

I never did bring up the underwear incident. Maybe she really did get dressed in my room. I don't know. A red flag is she said she lounged around but my hubby said she wasn't home. I guess that could be possible depending on the time. And why was my husband acting so rude toward her as if he had a problem? Maybe she had someone else there in my room which is still a no no and I will get her straight on that on some serious shit. She is that type of person. I am off today and for the rest of the week for the holidays and I do plan on confronting the situation later today. I will keep you all posted. But what do you all think so far? Oh and another thing, last night I woke up in the middle of the night and my hubby wasn't in the bed with me. Just as I was preparing to get out the bed to see where he was at, he came back in the room. I asked where was he at and he said he went downstairs for a drink of water and an aspirin because he had an headache from the drinks. The thing is I don't know how long he was out of the bed with me. I started thinking he went downstairs to see her, as she in the guest bedroom downstairs. He did seem a little disheveled but it was the middle of the night. Ugh, I hope I am being paranoid. They seem friendlier toward one another today but not inappropriately, as I am here today.

[rafterman]

Dunno... Its sounds really sus. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Have you got a hidden camera you can set up ? Undeniable evidence will quell any sort of paranoya. The fact he went on the offensive about a few things raises my eyebrows and the rest. Get back to us .... its getting kind of interesting.

[michelle23]

you do sound paranoid. I think you should just install a hidden camera. Next time the 3 of you are in the house alone-make an excuse to leave and make it obvious you wont be back for at least an hour or two. Install it outside her bedroom so you can see what hubby does when he sneaks out of bed at night too. And install another outside your bedroom.

Keep us updated.

[Maple1714]

Install a hidden camera asap. I think they are having an affair. I think they had sex. You have to trust your gut feeling, and I have found that my gut is always right...and I mean always. Women know when their man is stepping out on them, we just know b/c we are programmed to. Before you start accusing them just get some hard evidence. Cameras are small and cheap. You could even just get a couple tape recorders to hide. Place them in their bedrooms, turn them on and then say you need to go run an errand for an hour while they are there. In the future, never invite a young attractive woman into your home....not matter who she is. It's too much for a man to handle...after all you said it men are men.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sucks and it's never easy to come to the realization that people you love are lying to you.

[namemyname]

Gosh, this reads like a Lifetime movie. I'm so sorry for this.

You're sister sounds sociopathic. Truly. I don't throw around mental illness terms lightly, but she seems to lack a conscience, and enjoys manipulating and using people. Don't kid yourself this wouldn't transfer to family.

Yes, I think they're done something in appropriate. I wouldn't put it past her to seduce your husband. Not that that gives him a pass, mind you. But, I see her as the initiator. and he as a former player, well... He was probably rude the other night because he was jealous she was out on a date, and she was boasting to get a reaction out of him.

They sell those nanny cams all over. I'd definitely set one up. But, like the others said, your intuition probably isn't wrong.



God, what a friggin mess. You deserved none of this.

[michelle23]

3 is a crowd always. bring another man in-same thing could happen.. it was really stupid of you to bring another woman into your home but still this aint your fault.