Ex boyfriend kissed me

[UnderTheMoon]

Ok, so I never really post but everyone keeps telling me what I DON'T want to hear which is, go with it. NOT what I want to hear from my friends or family. So this is what is going on. When my sister passed away my boyfriend of the time, broke up with me two weeks later which I posted about in the broken hearts section. I stayed away from him after that because he did try to come back, and I refused it, he left me when I was at a crucial point in my life and that kind of hurt, is something I find unforgivable. This is not the ex I will be talking about from here on out.

So it has been six months and I am fine, I am not dating because I know I am not ready for it, but.. BUT.. an ex of mine who had been all over the country after finishing boot camp finally came back to the state and found out about the death of my sister, some how found a way to get a hold of me and asked me to drinks to talk and I was fine with it. We had a great talk and I enjoyed his company. When we dated, he was close with my sister, she treated him like one of the family and they really got along, for my sister it was hard when I broke it off with him. She tried time and time again to get us back together and I wasn't having it. I love her, and always will but I was furious with her back then for trying to push something I no longer wanted. So while we were talking and laughing I really found myself having a good time. The thing is, during this whole time we were together I did not have a single thought of wanting him back, it was just nice to talk about someone I hadn't seen in so long and reconnecting and sharing where our lives had went.

We went on a walk and kept talking, when we got back to my vehicle my back was turned and I felt him slide his fingers into my hair and grasp a hunk of it and turn my head to him, I couldn't turn my head away and I was getting angry, I had no idea what the hell his problem was, and before I knew it, he was kissing me pretty hot and heavily.... needless to say I froze and more or less quit breathing, I couldn't believe the boldness or why it was happening so suddenly. What really makes me mad, is I tried to turn my head away several times and I was locked in. I will be honest, I found it kind of scary and someone humiliating because I have always been very quick to get away from something I didn't want.

When he finally let me go, I just got into my car, gave him the finger, and pulled away. He called me on my way home and told me, it was just a kiss. The thing is, I don't take kissing or anything else that can be intimate lightly and I have just ignored him. He KEEPS CALLING ME AND TEXTING ME. I thought he wasn't this kind of person because he never was before, but this is a stranger to me. I feel angry and frustrated and I just want him to fade out back into no mans land where he belongs.

What gets me fumed even more, during our talk he said "I have a girlfriend but she treats me like shit." My response to that was, you should find a good girl if this one is so bad. None of my business though.

So what do you all think? How should I make it even more clear I don't want him to be this way and that we should just go our separate ways again, I already tried through my own means, but my ways are not working as well as they normally do. What should I do?


Did I also mention the fact that he asked me to get a hotel room with him for the night and ditch out work the next day? I laughed that one off and told him hell no. I think what also makes me mad is I don't need his girlfriend coming at me when I am the one who got away from him because of the way he was acting. It really is all a mess.

Good advice will be appreciated. I really feel confused because I have not been in this kind of situation before. I am not one to become someone's EA, nor am I someone to allow someone to do something wrong behind a S/O back.

As I said at the top, some people tell me I should just do it, others say to get him back and I am fully against those answers.

Thanks for advice in advance.

[basilandthyme]

Under the Moon, if I understand your post correctly, when he kissed you he forced himself upon you. A kiss (or any other type of physical contact) should be mutually agreed to and consent given by both parties. Frankly, I would not give a man who forced himself on me any chance whatsoever. Add that to the fact that he has a girlfriend already and you'll get a double "no" from me.

Stay away from him. I think there's an app for blocking phone calls and messages - find it and use it.

[LifeInflux]

I agree with my favorite herbs above, what he did was dickish.

There are a few schools of thought here, one of them being -- if you are so opposed to the entire situation, where is the conflict? From what I'm understanding, you don't like the guy all that much, and you have already declined his offers of cheating on his girlfriend with you and whatever else may happen in a (no doubt cheap) hotel room. (raiding the mini b... er eh vending machine?)

But I think that the reason you are conflicted, and please, please, don't take this the wrong way, because - I'm prefacing this - I'm on your side - perhaps... just maybe, while you didn't enjoy the way he went about it, perhaps you miss that kind of closeness and physical interaction.

Hence, why this came up with your friends and family, and perhaps why they feel the need to push you towards some type of encounter. Perchance they believe it will make you happy in a way.


But the sad truth of the matter is, if it is to happen, it shouldn't be with this guy, who stated that he's with someone who makes him unhappy and that, rather than doing the right and honorable thing of breaking up with her, he'd rather cheat on her... it shows no character, and no class.

You need character and class. Find a guy with a monocle.


Otherwise, the best way to make him fade into the background is to absolutely 100% ignore him. By giving him even a scathing retort shows that you are too invested in the situation and arguments can be misconstrued as caring. In the event you do run into him again, you can let him down easy with a kick to the junk, or just tell him you aren't interested and leave it at that. Be creative. And keep us posted

[UnderTheMoon]

Under the Moon, if I understand your post correctly, when he kissed you he forced himself upon you. A kiss (or any other type of physical contact) should be mutually agreed to and consent given by both parties. Frankly, I would not give a man who forced himself on me any chance whatsoever. Add that to the fact that he has a girlfriend already and you'll get a double "no" from me.

Stay away from him. I think there's an app for blocking phone calls and messages - find it and use it.

I am going to look for that app because that is what is aggravating me the most. I told him to quit calling me and texting me and he keeps being pushy about it so I just quit replying. God bless whoever made an app like that! I will be using it I don't know why I didn't think of it myself. I really hate men who do what he did, and he should know that because once upon a time we dated. I want to be treated like a lady, not a whore or a play thing and I don't know who he thinks he is doing that to me. Definitely double no's from me as well.

[UnderTheMoon]

I agree with my favorite herbs above, what he did was dickish.

There are a few schools of thought here, one of them being -- if you are so opposed to the entire situation, where is the conflict? From what I'm understanding, you don't like the guy all that much, and you have already declined his offers of cheating on his girlfriend with you and whatever else may happen in a (no doubt cheap) hotel room. (raiding the mini b... er eh vending machine?)

But I think that the reason you are conflicted, and please, please, don't take this the wrong way, because - I'm prefacing this - I'm on your side - perhaps... just maybe, while you didn't enjoy the way he went about it, perhaps you miss that kind of closeness and physical interaction.

Hence, why this came up with your friends and family, and perhaps why they feel the need to push you towards some type of encounter. Perchance they believe it will make you happy in a way.


But the sad truth of the matter is, if it is to happen, it shouldn't be with this guy, who stated that he's with someone who makes him unhappy and that, rather than doing the right and honorable thing of breaking up with her, he'd rather cheat on her... it shows no character, and no class.

You need character and class. Find a guy with a monocle.


Otherwise, the best way to make him fade into the background is to absolutely 100% ignore him. By giving him even a scathing retort shows that you are too invested in the situation and arguments can be misconstrued as caring. In the event you do run into him again, you can let him down easy with a kick to the junk, or just tell him you aren't interested and leave it at that. Be creative. And keep us posted

Haha a kick in the junk indeed. He almost did because he tried to grab me and I tried to tap his nuts with these beastly knuckles. I was really mad... I know it's a cheap shot but I was so upset I couldn't help myself.

The conflict is really how to make him go away again, but herbs (lol) gave me a great suggestion I didn't even think of.

And the contact thing, sure I miss it, a lot, but I didn't miss it from him and I don't want it like that. GRANTED if I am with someone, sometimes a little rough love is nice and a turn on but I am not with him, and he DEFINITELY no longer turns me on. So you are right in a way, but my family still likes him, though my mother wasn't happy when I told her how he grabbed a fistful of my hair.. I mean he gripped me so tightly it hurt, and the more it hurt, the more pissed off I became. I don't cower away, I just get mad and start fighting lol.

I think he misses me, because he seemed really desperate, the fact is though, is it was wrong. On so many levels it was just wrong. A kiss should made your heart flutter and you catch your breath when it is that good, I never had a kiss that didn't do that to me when it was good. This made me want to cry in shame lol.

I will find a monocle man. : ) Interested flux? ; )

[LifeInflux]

Haha a kick in the junk indeed. He almost did because he tried to grab me and I tried to tap his nuts with these beastly knuckles. I was really mad... I know it's a cheap shot but I was so upset I couldn't help myself.

The conflict is really how to make him go away again, but herbs (lol) gave me a great suggestion I didn't even think of.

And the contact thing, sure I miss it, a lot, but I didn't miss it from him and I don't want it like that. GRANTED if I am with someone, sometimes a little rough love is nice and a turn on but I am not with him, and he DEFINITELY no longer turns me on. So you are right in a way, but my family still likes him, though my mother wasn't happy when I told her how he grabbed a fistful of my hair.. I mean he gripped me so tightly it hurt, and the more it hurt, the more pissed off I became. I don't cower away, I just get mad and start fighting lol.

I think he misses me, because he seemed really desperate, the fact is though, is it was wrong. On so many levels it was just wrong. A kiss should made your heart flutter and you catch your breath when it is that good, I never had a kiss that didn't do that to me when it was good. This made me want to cry in shame lol.

I will find a monocle man. : ) Interested flux? ; )

Herbs is a smart lady, more people should listen to her... Most "smartphones" have the autoreject functionality already built in without the need for an app. Android phones most especially.

I don't think him missing you and being desperate really go together. In most cases, he probably isn't even all that unhappy, I think he wants, what is known in south africa as "sexy time". Perhaps he felt you'd be more apt for a fling as you've already had a sample of the good previously.


Unfortunately, my monocle is in the shop. Yes, the Monocle Shop... but I do have a top hat. Thats equally classy, if not more so

[UnderTheMoon]

Herbs is a smart lady, more people should listen to her... Most "smartphones" have the autoreject functionality already built in without the need for an app. Android phones most especially.

I don't think him missing you and being desperate really go together. In most cases, he probably isn't even all that unhappy, I think he wants, what is known in south africa as "sexy time". Perhaps he felt you'd be more apt for a fling as you've already had a sample of the good previously.


Unfortunately, my monocle is in the shop. Yes, the Monocle Shop... but I do have a top hat. Thats equally classy, if not more so

I have a top hat too. I love it, and I love to use my pimp cane with it. LONG story why I have these but I would like to own a monocle.

[LifeInflux]

I have a top hat too. I love it, and I love to use my pimp cane with it. LONG story why I have these but I would like to own a monocle.

Then you'd look like Mr. Peanut. Just more attractively female and less attractively peanut...

[michelle23]

hey hun

First of all I am really sorry about your sister. I hope you are doing okay.

If you have his phone number just text him and say "How dare you use me like that-you should know full well that I am not that kinda girl who would swoon in on another girls man and I am insulted that you thought Id actually go along with your plan to seduce me. If you don't have the balls to end a relationship that apparently "makes you unhappy" and feel the need to line up a plan B first-then in my eyes you are a weak pathetic excuse for a man who lacks the inner strength and integrity that I need. You had little chance of impressing me before, you have zero chance now so stay the f away from me and have a nice life"

Hope this helps

[UnderTheMoon]

hey hun

First of all I am really sorry about your sister. I hope you are doing okay.

If you have his phone number just text him and say "How dare you use me like that-you should know full well that I am not that kinda girl who would swoon in on another girls man and I am insulted that you thought Id actually go along with your plan to seduce me. If you don't have the balls to end a relationship that apparently "makes you unhappy" and feel the need to line up a plan B first-then in my eyes you are a weak pathetic excuse for a man who lacks the inner strength and integrity that I need. You had little chance of impressing me before, you have zero chance now so stay the f away from me and have a nice life"

Hope this helps

I knew you would have something good to say. I looked forward to it because you run along the same line I do with this kind of bullshit. I already did the app suggestion and that worked nicely. Now I am just worried he will come knocking at my door. I've lived in the same place for the last 6 years and I am just hoping he doesn't remember. BUT if he does show up, I am just going to call the cops.

[michelle23]

Are you scared of this guy?

Why do you think just telling him to f off wont work?

[basilandthyme]

Are you scared of this guy?

Why do you think just telling him to f off wont work?

For some guys, any attention is good attention. If he knows he's getting under her skin, he may keep trying

[michelle23]

it sounds like he genuinly thought she was interested. He read the signals wrong and perhaps unintentionally scared her by being too forceful. Maybe he thought he was being passionate. Guys can be fairly thick at times. I think just telling him straight she is not interested should work

[JoeyFromFriends]

lol, never happened. underthemoon is big attention seeker. ignore

[michelle23]

Stfu ^^^^^^