Is this being naggy? if so how do I reel that nagginess in?

[sadbunnyface]

My (?) I can't say ex because still a relationship there but also can't say partner or BF.... So my ( ? )... sister had a baby and he didn't travel to meet the new baby.. the drive is few hours away, but he stayed around the city doing gawd knows what- we didn't hang, because had words, but I said family should come first and you should go see her and the baby and show you care, he seems to be very money driven and egocentric lately and it bothers me. Talking about spending 1000s on shoes and suits and I said hope you donate some money to charity if you have all that to toss away, give back too and he ignored me, and ignored me when I said don't forget to buy the new baby a present.. I even offered to go buy something nice for him to take home for the baby and he could pay me for what it cost...
I push because he was so close to his family and I loved that about him, his grand dad died last year and it hurt him and I want him to see his nan etc. I push because I love him and want him to be that type of man, especially if he ever wants his own family he'll have to put them first before him a lot of times....
He said I am the only person who rides his ass on that stuff and I annoy him when I do it. *sighs*
I don't do it to be nasty, I do it because I care and would mean a lot to his family too.

It's like all the work girls and fun time group take it all so casual, all about self and I am so different, I can't help I am this way. Is how I was brought up, he knows this.
I won't apologize for caring and wanting him to see outside of only himself.

Does what I said look naggy? He still tells me he loves me... but that is becoming meaningless with all the other things that surround it now. Even if I don't marry him, I want him to be a wonderful man for another. I want him to have the marriage and family life he didn't get to enjoy when a child because of his dad's selfishness and adultery.

Time to back off?

[michelle23]

time to find a new ? i think. your not nagging him. your only telling him to do something that anyone who loves their family would. i see it asa red flag tbh that he has no interest in meeting his niece/nephew.

if you want a better man who is capable of putting others first ocasionally then why dont you just go find one?

[basilandthyme]

Yes, you are very much nagging him and I can see why it annoys him. And this business about making him your personal fixer-upper project is just weird. In short, you are acting like his mother.

If you can't love him for who he is now, then do yourselves favour and end it.

[sadbunnyface]

time to find a new ? i think. your not nagging him. your only telling him to do something that anyone who loves their family would. i see it asa red flag tbh that he has no interest in meeting his niece/nephew.

if you want a better man who is capable of putting others first ocasionally then why dont you just go find one?

His sis had a boy this time, had a little girl some years ago and he darted home for that birth, so this was why I was shocked in his change in behavior. I know he doesn't like holding newborns, never seen a guy sweat over holding a baby, but no one will force him to hold the newborn, they only want their brother's support and love. He went home today, was off work.. already on road driving texted me and said " got your wish, driving home in 10 mins, is that alright by you, my dear, love you ..." Bit of sarcasm but happy I got through

But he was a better man in the past, then he went away came back and I saw the changes and in March this year when he started that new job in same office building it got worse. I am not holding out hope for him and I ever being a real couple, but hoping we can still always be best friends... don't feel like besties as of now, but... I can't be married to someone I don't trust and who always lies.

[sadbunnyface]

Yes, you are very much nagging him and I can see why it annoys him. And this business about making him your personal fixer-upper project is just weird. In short, you are acting like his mother.

If you can't love him for who he is now, then do yourselves favour and end it.

Which parts did you find to be naggy, basilandthyme? The whole me pushing to do something he clearly was dead set against doing?
He used to be so close to his family just last year when his grandfather passed, I was there for him and he was there for me when my mom died last september. I think because of my mom dying I know how fleeting things can be and want to make things better for him, his family, us and so on.

I am not a bitch, I try to be polite about it. He knows I mommy him, I always even go " mommies you" and gives him a cheek kiss and he smiles. To a huge degree he expects and likes me mommy'ing him, because I am so much younger, 22 and he is about to be 30 he finds it amusing. I usually get a grimace and " yes, dear" other times. He knows I mean well. Especially on these sort of topics. On other topics he knows I have resentment on his lies and that comes from a place of anger, this stuff doesn't.

I can love him for who he is now, but I can't be in love with him as in a relationship because I don't trust him now. Too many lies. But he was there for me when mom passed and I for him when his grandfather passed. We love each other and in the end we both know it. Already discussed we won't end up married to each other, that time has gone away. I still want him on a good path regardless.
He gets on me on things too, only difference I don't take offense like he might.

[basilandthyme]

Which parts did you find to be naggy, basilandthyme? The whole me pushing to do something he clearly was dead set against doing?

Ya, that would be it.