Confused about what to do

[pacachomp]

Hi everyone, I'm an 18 year old guy living in Australia, and I could really use some advice on my current situation. I've been seeing this girl, A., for a few months pretty irregularly (like once a week or so) but we keep in contact over Facebook constantly. I know she likes me, and I like her, but for whatever reason she doesn't really excite me (I don't just mean sexually), I just feel really comfortable around her. Don't get me wrong, she's attractive but I just don't feel much spark. Oh and I should mention, she's a friend of my sister so that's another reason I really don't want to hurt her.

Enter girl C., who's almost the complete opposite. She works at the same place as me, although we've only had a few shifts at the same time, and we've been to a couple of the same parties. I am absolutely obsessed with her - she's exciting and interesting and fun to be around (and sexy as hell, like that matters psssh). We're friends, but not that close due to rarely seeing each other; she's hinted a couple of times that she likes me more than that. Then a week or so ago she started going out with this other guy (so of course now I'm beating myself up for not asking her out ages ago).

Before she started seeing this guy, I thought I should just try to get to know C. better so I could tell if I just had a temporary fixation on her or whether I liked her enough to ask her out and stop seeing A. Of course I still want to do that, only now I feel like a complete dick. Even if I ignore C., I still can't stop thinking about her and that's making me really confused about A. who now seems boring (which sounds terrible) - and I'm a bit ashamed that I'm pretending to A. that I'm more into her than I currently am. At the same time, I don't want to stop seeing A., because she's my first real relationship, I do like her a lot as a friend and I don't want to lose that, and because I'm worried that I'll just get over my obsession with C. and realise that breaking up with A. was a massive mistake.

Sooo, what do I do? At the moment I'm just being dishonest to everyone and it's not going to make them (or me) happy :/ I'd really appreciate anyone's advice.

[LifeInflux]

First and foremost you need to be honest with yourself.

Take C out of the equation. Are you happy with A or are you complacent? If you're with her because its easy, then you are just headed towards being miserable in the near future and bringing her along with you. I know exactly how that is, as this has been my most recent relationship. You don't want to hurt the one you're with, yet perhaps, you're a little worried about being alone or making a mistake...

If C wasn't around to taunt you, it would be someone else. Unless you are completely enamored by the one you're with, then it will always end up being mundane and boring. Keep in mind you are thinking about long term relationships here.. if its boring after a few months, what will it be after 6 months? A year?

If this is your first real relationship then you are still just getting into the idea of having someone around consistently. Its best to learn early that, just because you are both two nice people with an okay relationship, it doesn't mean that you should be together or will be happy with each other.


Make the decision about A before you bring C into the mix. If you decide to stick it out with A for a little longer to see how you feel, give yourself a timeline on when you want to revisit it, and not when the next girl comes along. If you want to make the right choice you have to do it without any emotional or sexual motivation. Keep us posted

[pacachomp]

Hey, thanks for the response I feel like I need to spend more time with A to see if we can be happy together, rather than just, like you said, two nice people who get along well but aren't really made for each other.

Question - is it easier to get over an obsession if you just pretend that the person doesn't exist, or if you just try and be friendly and behave normally around them?

[LifeInflux]

In my experience, these obsessions or these type of infatuations do dull a little in time even with constant contact with the person. You would want to limit the amount of time you spend with C if it can be helped while you work things out with A. Once you have your head straight and know that you can be happy with A, that feeling you have for C may still be there, but it will be much easier to ignore because you'll be happy with the person you're with.

Hopefully we'll get some others in here with some better ideas on how to get past C while working things out with A.

[pacachomp]

Update time! Not much has really changed. Girl A is back from holiday, I saw her a couple of nights ago and it was really nice. Basically we had a great time, but within a day I'm feeling bored with our relationship again.

Meanwhile I'm still in exactly the same (hopelessly obsessed) place with girl C. Haven't seen her for a bit over a week but had a fun conversation on FB. Currently feeling depressed and writing hopeless love songs on the piano *eye roll*.

I'd really like some other opinions. I don't think I should break up with girl A because: I like being with her; if I get over this thing with girl C it may turn out I like girl A a lot more than I think I do now; and even if me and A did stop seeing each other, there's only a small chance I could get together with girl C (she's still seeing this other guy, although I'm pretty sure now that she likes me too). At the same time, I can't get over girl C and it's making me hurt a lot. What do?