How to be a selfless and be the best girlfriend I can be

[clairedunham]

I really want to stop having trust issues and stop accusing him of things he does not do. How do I become the greatest girlfriend I can be? Tell me things that you would love for a girlfriend to do. Ive never been good with r/s and want to change. Any suggestions are more than welcome

[clairedunham]

Anyone????????

[basilandthyme]

Claire, you first have to figure out where your bad behaviour stems from. When you can identify the cause and address it, you'll be most of the way there.

Also, being 'selfless' is just boring. The guys I know all married women who will have their say when need be. Hubby ended the relationship with the girl before me partly because she only ever wanted to do "whatever you want sweetheart"

[clairedunham]

But what can I do to makw him happier because were just going through hell.

[Sparkling]

I think you need to look at what underlies your 'selfishness'. Humans are not naturally selfish; there has to be a cause. We are hardwired, evolutionarily, for altruism.

I think you should look at fear as a possibility. Try asking yourself some questions, and see what comes to mind. Stuff like, 'What do I think might happen if I become attached to someone?' 'Am I afraid something bad might happen?' 'Like what?'

[TablesandChairs]

You don't need to be selfless, you need mutuality - this involves a combination of give and take - it's not an exact science, sometimes you'll give more, sometimes he will and sometimes you'll reach compromises..but it should never be one-sided.

As for your accusatory nature; you need to figure out where your insecurity/jealousy stems from - has he given you any reason to suspect he's untrustworthy? If not, then it might just be a fear of closeness and/or a fear of rejection. There are no guarantees in relationships...there's always an element of risk. But if you start thinking/behaving like something bad will happen, you're creating what you fear. Nobody wants to be with someone who is forever accusing them of things they haven't done - it drains the life out of things, makes being together stressful and eventually you'll enable what you don't want: a break up.