The phone call.... what do I say to her?

[lustlovelost]

I'm in a marriage of convenience. We got pregnant on a one night stand, and married with little to no love.

Sleep in separate bedrooms, no conversations, nothing, but pretend to be happy to family/friends/ etc.

One night while she watched tv on couch i surfed web and saw an ad for a girl offering to sell her undies to make extra money.

I'm a bit of a pervert and this sounded cool. We emailed. and got along really well. stayed up all night chatting and exchanging photos.

She worked at a neighborhood bar and invited me over the next day.

I went and we clicked.

I waited for her shift to end and we heavy petted and kissed in the parking lot.

no money or undies exchanged, that was forgotten we were just two people with a connection.


We started texting and talking multiple times a day major conversations about life, future, kids, etc.

She had a live in boyfriend who was also one of her bosses and got her, a great job. Something was missing she said. but she couldn't go

for me i stayed for my kid but as this relationship heated up i felt a need to come clean so I told my wife.

She was indifferent. Said she didn't care what i did as long as I continued to provide for her and our baby.
It confirmed what I always thought. she just wanted to be a stay at home mom, i gave her that. it's all that mattered.

Shared the convo with Natalie, (new girl) and she was so loving, supportive, told me she hated I was treated that way. I was awesome and deserved to be loved.
but she did say she was not willing to leave her guy. Still we talked about being together
kids, houses, said i made a great argument but she couldn't. but i could be her man on the side.

i somehow agreed hopeful i'd wear her down.

we finally had sex, and then talked about fantasies and fetishes, she had a laundry list of things she wanted me to do to her.

but we still only talked and texted all day with a few quick meetings in the car after she left work and before she got home to him

The the wife wanted to go out of town to visit relatives. It allowed me a chance to see Natalie. I talked to Natalie and she gave me her schedule of when she was off
I booked the tickets around it. last minute $1100 a piece for wife and kid.

Off day comes and i have a full day planned for us. well i get no text, no phone call. Then finally she tells me bf is still home but she'd reach out when he left.

The midday finally i get, he's gone but i'm out having drinks with a friend. I was livid what the hell. but ok. let her have her girl time. days' still young. Then I got texts telling me she's drunk and her friend he finds it sooo funny.

she's out drinking with a guy.

I was like well i'll come get you. she says no "he doesn't like sharing me"

wtf?

She's out with a guy she's sleeping with and telling me all this and i've switched schedules, and spent a fortune to send family away so we could have time together.

we had plans.

i told her she needed to come to my house, she kept sending me sad faces and "i'm sorry"

never heard from her the rest of the night, nor the next day.

then i finally text her.

she tells me one of her bosses died, i knew he had been sick, and she was hurt, and trying to keep staff morale high. but very short quick answers.

I told her I was very sorry, but then immediately said we needed to talk. she said ok she would call me tomorrow.

but she didn't never did

for days

then i texted her and asked if she was angry with me, she said no. it had just been crazy.

i told her i had a horrible week, and had a lot of pain and frustration and we needed to talk.

she said, she was sorry. and we would talk tomorrow....

well that's in a few hours from now.

I don't even know what to say if... and that's a big if. if she calls.

I want to go off on her. but in all honesty we're not dating, she can see who she wants.

but not keeping plans sucks.

and telling me she's ****ing another guy hurt my heart. i had no idea i had such strong feelings until she told me that
even my friends who know all about her were shocked and how hard i took it.

I want to recapture what we had, but i can't be walked all over either.

any advice? what should I say to her? How do I get her to feel just half of the pain i felt when she stood me up for this other guy.


Please give me your two cents.

[michelle23]

oh for f**k sake. This woman is a serial cheat. She prob has 5 or 6 different guys on the go. She doesnt give a crap about you-just likes the attention.

My advice is to forget about her. Talk to your wife about getting a divorce, make a plan to share custody of your child and move on with your life. Your marriage is a sham and your wasting your life. You are not being a good role model to your child right now. You are showing him/her that a relationship where mommy and daddy barely talk, sleep in separate rooms and f**k others is normal. If you want your kid to grow up knowing what a healthy relationship is and knowing what true love is-then you and your wife should go your separate ways, both fall in love properly with someone that you actually want to share your life with and make sure you both make the kid feel loved.

That is the best thing you could do right now for yourself, your wife and your child. Children need to see their parents laughing together, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, sleeping in the same room. It shows them that affection and intimacy is perfectly normal and it sets them up for their own loving relationship when they become adults. It is normally learned behaviour when a kid grows up to be an awful husband/wife who is uncomfortable with affection or intimacy, cold and rigid towards others. If you and your wife split up-you will give your kid a chance to see you both in a healthy partnership with someone else

[VincenzoG91]

OP, I don't understand your complaint. Are you saying that you are unhappy that the cheating woman who is cheating with you is also cheating on you? Do you have any idea out how ridiculous it would be to complain about a cheater cheating on a cheater?

As for your marriage of convenience... end it. You're not helping your kid in the long run by living a lie. Get a divorce and pay child support and get on with your life.

[namemyname]

This lady is a sex addict. Not to mention her other addictions (drinking at noon? Yeesh).

Get yourself tested, divorce your wife, and go find a SINGLE woman you can share a happy, loving life with.

[LifeInflux]

but she didn't never did

for days

I think you've already gotten about the best advice you're going to get on this subject, so instead I just quoted my favorite part.


Priceless...

[Valixy]

Believe it or not, you really need to get your life in order and set some healthy standards for yourself. Your poor relationship with your wife is unfair to you, frustrates you and cripples you. You feel that you cannot approach a girl in a more serious and traditional way, as you would like I suppose, because you find yourself 'married'. This limitates you tremendously and distorts your most natural need of connecting physically and emotionally with someone. You start looking for sex, because you think that you are not entitled to anything else but you have just proved to yourself that you actually want so much more than that and you have so much more to give.

Natalie is too twisted and problematic and sounds corrupted actually. The way she's behaved with you is pretty sick honestly, but what else could you expect if you thought you could find a nice normal person by responding to such an advert? In order for a person to have some common decency, he or she should at least look like they have it, and not even that is a guarantee of course.

Do not go that way. It's wrong and it's not even what you really need. Be honest with yourself and with your wife that your arrangement you two have does not suit you and do the right thing, separate and start again. You desperately need a change. You either admit this to yourself and do something about it or you could end up being very miserable and in big trouble for meeting the wrong kind of people.

[lustlovelost]

I understand.

One of my friends even said, "you always said it was just a needed escape."

She was shocked I took the news so hard. Hell I was shocked.

But I guess I really did buy in even if I didn't realize it.

You really think ignoring her is the best advice?

I was going to tell her how she mad me feel and move on.

Of course my friend says I should threaten to expose her to her live in boyfriend. I know his name, his Facebook, where he works, and i have tons of pics of his girlfriend doing very dirty things.

He says use it as leverage to make her do what I want, even if just for a day.
Just sounds like it would end poorly.


As for my current marriage. We realize how this situation would be negative four our child. We're awesome actors. Lots of hugging, kissing, hand holding, loving statements around our child.

She has no idea we don't sleep in the same bed.We're awake after her and up before her.

Our clothes etc are all in "Mommy & Daddy's room" Daddy just sleeps in the guest room.

We do everything to make sure our kid sees nothing but happiness. We're awesome parents

[Millie]

Sorry OP but I think you're kidding yourselves on several levels: quite aside from the issues with Natalie herself, if you really think her boyfriend doesn't already know what she's like you're crazy - I'll bet money there's nothing you could 'expose' to him regarding her that would surprise him, you're most likely just one of many. Also, if you think blackmailing her into doing what you want for a day will make her want you more you're dreaming. And as for your child, if you really think she hasn't picked up on anything then you really are delusional, kids are way sharper than that - here's a shocking fact for you... awesome parenting 101 - do not lie to your child.

[namemyname]

Millie's totally right - your child knows you're both miserable, and you're only kidding yourself to think otherwise. The child is well aware you are in a loveless marriage. Kids KNOW these things, so sure, you can spend 18 years in a toxic, unhappy marriage for your "child", but your kid will wind up more messed up than if you were divorced. Your kid will learn to suffer in silence, not care about their own happiness, and will end up in a marriage JUST LIKE YOURS. So, BS on thinking you're doing the right thing there.

For all you know, this chick's BF cheats even more, or maybe he gets off on her cheating. You don't know their relationship. BUT, I can pretty much be certain he and his friends will deliver quite the beatdown on you for banging her and making a point to tell him. Even if he's turned on by it, he will feel the need to top you, because you will be insulting his masculinity.

Your friend is a jackass. Make her to do what??? That's just so twisted.

OP - you make some of the worst life decisions I've ever seen. Marry a girl from a ONS, loveless marriage, affairs with whores and sex addicts, friends who encourage criminal behavior...

As we used to say, "check yourself before you wreck yourself".

[LifeInflux]

As we used to say, "check yourself before you wreck yourself".

Whats this "used to" nonsense?

[michelle23]

if her bf doesnt already no what shes like he must be slow.. you dont need to tell him. forget this girl, stop living a lie and focus on sorting your life out. maybe you wouldnt be so perverted (in your words) looking for seedy nsa sex online if you had an honest relationship and were truly happy. love is a basic human need and your kidding yourself if you think you can do without it and carry on this ridiculous excuse for a marriage.

your in charge of your life. take control, take the risk. you have nothing to lose. you dont have to support your wife-you support your child and let her go find a man who actually wants her to support her

[lustlovelost]

I met with a divorce lawyer this morning. and i haven't spoken to Natalie again.

thanks for those of you who beat me up when i am down

but i deserve it.