update, sister and husband suspicions

[TrinaRose]

Thanks for everyone being helpful to my situation as I needed to vent. This whole situation has been difficult to me. I couldn't find my original post so I just decided to give you all an update. My adopted sister left this past Sunday and I doubt I will invite her back. I never got the information I was looking for from either one of them so I just decided to do away with my sister and focus on me and my husband. I know it seems crazy but I love him so much. The strange thing is my sister seemed very sad when as she was preparing to leave. I don't feel as though she was sad because I asked her to leave but because of the way he was treating her these past few days. She came to me the other day and pulled he and I aside at a cook out that we had and apologized for being careless about leaving her things in our room and using things that didn't belong to her and being in our way. She then said she had a guy come to visit her there while he and I wasn't home and that was why her stuff was laying around and she apologized for causing any problems between us. My husband did reply, he just sort of look away as if he was still mad at both of us. Her, for causing problems and me for not believing him. I told her that it wasn't a big deal but I was glad she understood my point of view. It seemed like for the rest of the evening despite us having guest and everyone enjoying themselves, she was sort of distant as if she was putting on a front.

I really hate to say this to anyone other then myself, but I think my husband forced her to take the blame. I really don't want to think that but as long as I have been knowing my adopted sister, with her sort of attitude, she isn't the kind of female that is easily bullied into anything. She is actually stubborn and bull headed at times. My husband can be very pushy at times and he can sort of persuade people easily and he is just one of them guys he normally gets what he puts his mind to and he can be intimidating. Not in a mean way, at least not to me but I think he can with other people. . I hate having admit that. I would never tell anyone I knew personally. I hope that's not the case and I may seem like a pushover but I am not and I am not naïve. I am just trying to move forward in this situation. I know it seems as though I am pushing it under the rug but I just don't want to go through this problem and dig for information and I just want to move on.

Another thing I was reluctant to mention is that while preparing for our weekend get together, I had ran to the store to get some things but my hubby knows I take my time when I shop and he didn't want to go. At the time, my sis wasn't there so I didn't think anything about it. When I got back home about an hour later, her car was there. In the back of my mind, I was still thinking these thoughts. I just decided to creep in. It wasn't anything going on. My sis was in the guest room with her door closed and the shower running. I went to the kitchen area and my hubby was on the patio messing with the grill and I was like okay, I'm paranoid. I'm being silly. I just wanted to have some fun because my hubby was looking good and working hard and that always turns me on. I was going to give him a little head and he likes it all the time, but he pushed my head away and sort of laughed. He said, babe the blinds are open and I said so, you don't care about that any other time. He said well, the neighbors blinds are open too. That bothered me a little because as I said, normally he don't care about that but I do. Embarrassed to say this, but I don't know if it was sweat from him working and running around all day but, he smelled like..you know . I really hope I'm being paranoid and putting things together in my head but I don't know. I know my scent and we didn't do anything before I left. . I pushed it all out my mind now that she is gone and things are normal between us. I called my sis and she didn't answer and I sent her a text and told her to call me but she sent back this text saying that I treated her differently and me and my hubby problems don't concern her and I need to question my marriage with him if I'm having these thoughts. I didn't text back, I didn't care enough. I know our relationship will be off but she will need me sooner then later the way I see it and when I feel the need to apologize, I will. I'm starting to not like her at all because I feel she is jealous and I don't need that in my life.

I still will always wonder and if it comes about, I will deal with it but I don't want to keep looking for it. If in the future, I find out, he will be history but for now, I feel like I was being insecure in a sense because he's been so great as usual.

[namemyname]

Trina - you know I've been in your corner from the beginning, so it pains me to say this, but your marriage is over, even if you aren't ending it right now.

You will forever be suspicious of him cheating, and therefore, you will NEVER trust him again, and will always look for confirmation of that. Your sister is right about that.

I live in a hot weather state, so men sweat a lot here. lol I've never smelled another woman's snatch on a BF's dick, just because he was sweaty.

They definitely had an affair, but she only took the fall, because you refuse to hold your husband just as culpable.

I'm really so sorry for all of this.

[michelle23]

i think you are in denial. i cant believe your willing to let this go. your husband likely f**ked your sister and your pretending everything is fine.. to me that is INSANE!!

he pushed you away when you offered a bj.. he f**ked her before you got home which is why she was in the shower. sorry but thats a sure sign he cheated especially if he has never refused it before.

i dont understand people who can ignore this coz they "love someone" that is just crazy to me. i wouldnt lrt this go if i were you. id confront him properly and ask as many qs as possible till im satisfied hes telling the truth and if i still had doubts sfter interogating him-id follow my instincts and get a divorce.

your in denial, not ready to face the truth. your kidding yourself if you think you can put this out of your mind and pretend it never happened. you will never trust him again..

and what you just wrote about him makes me wonder if you could ever trust him. his player past, his manipulative, persuasive way of getting people to do what he says, his anger, defensiveness, shifty eyes. i think your living a lie and your marriage is a sham.. makes me wonfer does hubby travel out of town a lot on "business"? or whats he up to when your at work??

sorry but i think your head is in the clouds. living in fairyland

[michelle23]

i also think its messed up that your placing full blame on her and turning against her whilst hoping you and he can get back to normal.. you should be more pissed and upset at him. hes the one who married you, vowed to be faithful and to love and cherish you forever. f**king asshole. i couldnt stay coz if i did id cut the cunts d**k off in his sleep. id end up doing time for the bastard and no man is worth that. i think love is nothing without trust and respect. if you think love is enough to keep you two happy your deluded

i know this is hard and you dont want to face it but sooner or later you will have to.

[Wakeup]

I just don't want to go through this problem and dig for information and I just want to move on.

Then I suggest you do that and forget venting here where everyone is telling you you're wrong to do that. Its your life and you'll leave if you feel you need to not because people think you should.

Ciao.

[Starnique]

*Laughing* But both of these women are right. Some men can really make you go there with them. Michelle is right, no man is worth losing it over. My Ex, was a liar and a cheater and I used to really lose it over him and it got to the place, where I was like, let me leave because I will end up hurting somebody. I used to blame the other bitch until I wised up and was like, f**k that, his ass is the problem. Love can make a girl go crazy and I look back at times, like lol, wow it wasn't worth all that. But if its a sister or friend, then yeah as I said before, she would have left wearing one. Just the simple fact. I think that you are starting to despise your sister because of him. Think about it. He is selfish and all about himself because, he doesn't care who he hurts in the process. I mean, he is willing to let her take the blame and have you hate her for him and I bet he is getting off on all of this as if he has both of you right where he wants you. Another thing is this, name my name is right, you know as well as I do, what your scent is. I know and you know when their dick smell like sweat and like your juices. And if you don't, then next time he works out smell him and then do it to him and smell him. Yeah, its that serious because you are being naïve in a sense. I hate to put more thoughts in your head but don't let him make a fool out of you. If you choose to be with him then that's on you but at least face reality. It could be diff, but the evidence is too much. Until you get the truth you will always wonder. Seems your mind is made up. Enjoy the ride is all I can say.

[Wakeup]

I didn't say anyone here was actually "wrong," Star. ;O) I just said she should do what she wants rather then continue to listen to people tell her what she's decided to do is wrong. It's her choice and god effing knows that she's been told a hundred times already what people think.

You can lead a filly to water but you can't make her drink.

*Sings: Schools out for summer*

[Starnique]

oh yeah, I know. I had posted when it was only michelle's and namemyname. That's why I said both of them so it wasn't directed at you. I agree with you also. She's in a fairy tale.

[michelle23]

ya i agree its pointless flogging a dead horse so ill try to give it a rest. i just hate to see people getting screwed over. there are better men out there and i think as much as it hurts to walk away- it prob hurts a lot more to stay with someone who has betrayed you like this. i personally could not do it. i know id turn into an awful person and id ever let it go. if i did stay it would only be to make him suffer so id rather walk away. when
it comes to cheating there is no such thing as forgive and forget and i think anyone who tries must live in cloud cuckoo land

[Nightshade]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please be strong and try to remember, you deserve better then that.

[UnderTheMoon]

I think somewhere in your mind, you are willing to take a backburner stance because in your previous post, you more or less said he was a ladies man. That's how I call it, not your exact words but that is how I took it. So you also said he picked you above all others and somewhere in your mind, you are thinking, "I married him, he's mine, so I can let it go because he still picked me over everyone else."

You know, sometimes people only get married to have a pretty picture to cover up the dirt. Your not being stepped on, your the rug that he's sweeping his dirt under. I would be ashamed and I would not be in love with someone like that. Sadly though, with how you have said this, you are going to waste away a good portion of your youth and I can't help but shake my head. When your young, you bounce back and take your experience with you, but if you settle, if you just sit there and think "This is how it is going to be." Then look for a life of stress and hurt. One day, you will regret that moment you just sat down, instead of getting up and going. I would be mad at my sister, but I would be angrier with him. She is young and stupid, making mistakes and hopefully learning from them. She has a screwed up past and though it isn't something you forgive, you need to realize who really had the power in this situation.

I am your sisters age, and even though I don't act that way, I get older men who try to push me around and I don't put up with it. That's the difference in maturity that two people can have. I may be young, but I am not foolish so much that I would get sucked into a forbidden encounter... I tend to run from them.

Down the road, you will look back and either still be in denial, or in regret because you should have done something sooner.

[namemyname]

You know, sometimes people only get married to have a pretty picture to cover up the dirt. Your not being stepped on, your the rug that he's sweeping his dirt under.(

Well done, Moon.

[Starnique]

Yeah, that was pretty deep.

[Millie]

Thanks for the update Trina - personally I think your husband lost all credibility when you confronted him and he played the indignant card, only to then go and share your concerns with your sister. A guy who was truly innocent would call-out the third-party together with his wife, he wouldn't use it as an excuse to collude with the third-party together-alone the very next day. Anyway, good luck with things, I too think you're wasting your time but I guess it's your time to waste.

[michelle23]

have a long hard think hun. this is prob not the first time, nor will it be the last especially since he has just gotten away with it.. can you live like that? its your life, your decision and I wish you luck but just remember there are better men out there who would never hurt you like this. if hes cheating now a year into your marriage-just wait till the kids come-it will be all the time..

I would never trust a dog like him who chases women as if they are in heat. He spend 10-15 years doing that before he met you. Did you really think he would change? *sigh*

anyway I wish you happiness and I hope you find the strength and courage to face this soon and leave him. We will be here if you need support