Struggling to stay excited during foreplay

**pacachomp** · 12-07-13, 02:49 AM

Heya everyone. I've slept with the girl I'm currently seeing a couple of times, by which I mean, we've been in the same bed and up all night, but never managed to actually make it to sex. We just make out for a long time, interspersed with jokes, and both gradually get undressed, and always ends with me pleasuring her for a while only to discover that my downstairs buddy isn't up for it. Let me just say that this is NEVER usually a problem. A couple of things which I think may be responsible:

-Me making her laugh. Relaxing but kills the mood. On the other hand, if things get passionate I shut up
-Always late at night so we're both tired
-She's too shy to pay a lot of attention to me, and I've been too shy to ask (especially if I'm not, ahem, holding up my end of the deal)
-I find her face cute and pretty rather than sexy, which predisposes me to being all warm and loving
-Generally slow pace
-Thinking too much about how to make her feel good

It's not really a problem yet (especially not for her lol), but I'd like to find a way to fix it. Any suggestions?

**anonymous_a** · 12-07-13, 02:53 AM

Try to be more adventurous and spontaneous. Don't wait until late at night when you're both tired, swoop her off her feet in the middle of the afternoon and start passionately kissing her on the sofa.. or the FLOOR even lol! Try to cut out all the jokes if you find its hurting the situation, stick to the situation at hand. If you find the pace is too slow, then try shortening the length of the foreplay. If you're too shy to ask for a blowjob, or whatever it is your looking for to get your friend excited, then after you've pleasured her for a bit, lay back and give her a look of suggestion.. maybe she'll take the hint and go to work. As far as her looks go, that's not something you can change, but you may be able to get her to feel more sexy and confident. Try dirty talking or telling her how sexy she is, and she may respond positively.

**LifeInflux** · 12-07-13, 02:57 AM

Could be all of those things. You might just not be attracted to her.

This has happened to me in situations where I was dating a girl for a while, and then going into the role of caretaker or more of a father figure, just killed the sexual vibe I was getting.

It could also just be that you're nervous being with someone for the first time, sometimes because you are worried if things don't work out well you might disappoint them.

I would say disassociate yourself from the problem a bit.. and think about something that really gets you .. motivated. Even if its not her specifically... just get moving the first time, and see how you feel afterwards. If its still an issue, maybe she's just not doing it for you.

**anonymous_a** · 12-07-13, 02:59 AM

^^ Also true.

**rafterman** · 12-07-13, 03:50 AM

Maybe deep down inside, she just does'nt "do it" for you... no offence to her. Or maybe just try to relax a little or ramp it up a bit. A bit of experimenting maybe ?

**horndog** · 13-07-13, 09:44 PM

I read your original comments and see this situation entirely differently. I think you are probably the "bore" in this situation and are the root cause for the lack of excitement. Most women, unless they are very open, rely on the man to take the lead and bring out their sexual side by bringing passion to the table. My guess is your woman is begging inside for you to actually give her good sex but is simply becoming complacent and bored with you.

Just a hunch, but I bet if your woman slept with a guy who actually knew how to treat a woman right in bed she would probably be a wild animal. You are so hung up on pinning the problem on her but the reality is your lack of sexual passion is the problem.

And finally, and no offense intended, but if you can mess around in bed with a naked woman that you find attractive enough to go to be with and cant manage to close the deal or get aroused enough to have intercourse, have you considered the possibility that you may be gay?

**Wakeup** · 13-07-13, 11:59 PM

^^^ I actually agree with that to a point. My question is why have'nt you had intercourse yet? Is she not letting you or are you just not trying because she's laying there like a starfish letting you be America's Got Talent's stand-up comedian contestant while you pleasure her? Something's not right she's either not turned on enough to the point where it turns her on to please YOU ... or, she's just a selfish git an you're incompatible sexually.

**michelle23** · 14-07-13, 12:21 AM

if she is inexperienced she may want to take things slow. who says that every kiss needs to lead to sex? whats wrong with a handjob or a bj to start with? sounds like they are not dating long..

what do you mean cute/pretty face compared to a sexy one?? maybe you should stop watching porn....... those girls are not real...

**pacachomp** · 14-07-13, 02:40 PM

Lol these replies are going downhill :/ Only thing worth answering is michelle's: she's cute / pretty rather than sexy because I don't get that aroused looking at her, I mostly get warm or affectionate feelings (girls in porn are ****ing ugly btw). I'm just wondering if she feels the same way about me and if we've somehow landed in each other's friendzones; otherwise I guess we're either just incompatible sexually, or it's just shyness.

**michelle23** · 14-07-13, 04:42 PM

that still doesnt sound normal to me. your saying because you are emotionaly attracted to her-your not physically attracted. that is something that happens to men who have a sex addiction or a porn addiction.

what about past experiences? did you care about other women you slept with or was it just sex? that could be the problem

if its not that than it could be that you need foreplay. its a myth that men dont need it. many do. she should try to tease and touch you too during foreplay

if its not that-then maybe there is no chemistry or spark or attraction or maybe you waited too long and feel defeated or like giving up.

**michelle23** · 14-07-13, 04:43 PM

ill add it could also be performance anxiety. maybe you feel really nervous?

**Boisdevie** · 14-07-13, 10:52 PM

What's wrong with young people today. In bed together and no shagging? Surely she should be beating him off with a stick.

**Wakeup** · 15-07-13, 12:06 AM

Originally Posted by pacachomp

I don't get that aroused looking at her, I mostly get warm or affectionate feelings (girls in porn are ****ing ugly btw).

Maybe you're gay? When you eat sausage, do you sport wood?

**anonymous_a** · 15-07-13, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Maybe you're gay? When you eat sausage, do you sport wood?

Lol. I love this place.

**michelle23** · 15-07-13, 03:48 AM

Originally Posted by Boisdevie

What's wrong with young people today. In bed together and no shagging? Surely she should be beating him off with a stick.

part of getting to know each other and building trust is being intimate without full sex. i personally wouldnt shag a guy who i am not fully comfortable with. for me it takes a lot of trust to go all the way in the beginning and i dont think theres anything wrong with that.

cant win these days-do nothing-your a prude
have sex your a whore
in between-still something wrong with you.

why is there a time limit? its up to the individual and its not you in bed with her

Thread: Struggling to stay excited during foreplay

Thread Tools

Struggling to stay excited during foreplay

Similar Threads

Too much foreplay?

The foreplay thread

Foreplay

foreplay

Posting Permissions