five months later....the first visit.

[Tommy]

Thanks guys for all your posts. Even if I knew the answers to all my questions, even five months ago, it helps because you guys are objective. True you guys don't know every intimate detail, but enough to give sound advice.
Today felt like the first day of the rest of my life so to speak. I don't worry about calling her or her calling me. Allthough it feels like I'm starting over, I know this time it will go quicker with the firm rule of NC. One final question for everyone:
If someday she calls, perhaps in the next couple weeks. Should you answer the phone , let VM pick up, return the call? If she does the contacting, are you breaking NC by answering? Not too clear on how that works. Thanks for the info guys.
-peace-

Don't answer, will only re-open wounds. Changed your cell number even if you are worried about it.

[misombra]

jsman... i don't know this girl sounds a bit flaky to me. you told her that you didn't want her to call you because you feel more for her than she does for you and then you call back and tell her that you want to see her and she tells you that you just said you wanted to end it? you didn't shoot yourself in the foot she's trying to turn this around on you and you're taking it. tell her to keep her drunken phone calls to herself and to **** off. go find somebody who lives closer to you and forget this girl.

i think she's ****ing with your mind.

[whaywardj]

Yes. Once you really have a stab at letting go, it IS freeing. In fact, freeing enough to let you respond to any future contacts just as you would respond to contacts from anyone else. I wouldn't INITIATE any contact, but I wouldn't avoid responding to contacts from her on the basis of some arbitrary, NC rule. I wouldn't bring up anything about the past either. If she she does express an interest in maintaining an association by contacting you in the future, let her take the lead. Treat it as a whole new ballgame and make little, tiny moves, one at a time, based on what she signals.

[Tone]

I think it's up to you to respond or not.

Can you handle responding if she contacts you? Or will you go into your whole "I want to see you again I love you" spiel? If you're not ready, then just don't answer.

[whaywardj]

Yeah. What he said.

[Jsnowman]

Guess I won't know that until she calls...if she calls. But I've decided one thing for sure. No more contact. No more bringing up the past. What a waist of time it's been. I wish I could back and change how I reacted to the whole break up but I can't.
I don't think I'll go to the extreme of changing my number tommy, but thanks for your input. Whay, you are quite insightful. I've read a lot of your posts, and it sounds like you've been through a lot.
Misombra, she is messing with my head..in a way. I'm messing with myself as well. I'm to the point where I don't want to feel this way anymore that I'm willing to do anything. I've decided this is it. So many times before I've told myself that but then she calls and i start all over again. I know this is it because I feel better...I feel free. I know it will take longer but this is just the beginning. I have such great friends here and great friends at work. There is always so many activities for me to do to be around people I know this will work if I just let it.
Anyways, I feel more confident that I will get through this, if I just let go. That's been the solution the whole time. Thanks again guys.

[misombra]

...so often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never ever know we have the key...

[Jsnowman]

Great quote....your's?

[misombra]

the eagles.

[whaywardj]

and I'm aaalllllready gone....and i'm feeeeellllin' strong...woo woo woo....woo woo woo....

[whaywardj]

Who's this: "You hold the key to love and fear in your trembling hand"?

[shh!]

Just one key unlocks them both,
it's there at your command.

C'mon people now
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try to love one another right now

(Youngbloods...)

[Jsnowman]

haha....show's how much I know. Nonetheless, it's great.

[Tone]

I wish I could back and change how I reacted to the whole break up but I can't.

Don't we all.

[artyemi]

Don't we all.

Don't we all.