I feel used (and sad)

[DeanW]

Hey.

Short story, she had a 3 years relationship ended, i was the first to know. Never really cared for her, i was just there. Some months later, she started to show interest, i had a previous relationship that ended as well.

I started to like her.

We begun to date, going out, stuff like that, hours and hours of me and her, sleeping together, first few weeks, but then, i started to notice some coldness. No more hours of conversation, no more sleep overs. I have a pretty low ego, but at the same time, i dont let anyone mess with me or people i like. I defended her a couple of times, even grabbed a neck once. I have a lot of bad qualities, but i think i have a big heart, i treated her right, i wanted her to feel good.

Last night she just said, we need to talk, i like you as a friend. I was like "ok...what can i say". But then i started thinking, i was the rebound guy. She still loved her ex, now she doesnt, and i was just used. I feel so bad, so hurt, feel like a pussy. I do martial arts, and the physical pain is nothing compared to what im feeling right now. I feel heart broken, i really liked her. I do. Hours dont pass by, time slows down, food lost its taste, music has no meaning, i dont feel like doing anything. I asked her "why me? why didnt you let me be? why did you say you loved me?", but the worst thing she said was "pretty things dont last forever". She is a nice girl, she has past issues, specially with the guy she dated, but its not my fault. Its not. I have no one i can talk to, i have some friends, but im not a guy that talks about this stuff with friends or family. I feel really lonely.

Sorry for the rant.

[smackie9]

I read it. Shit happens because life happens. You will start to feel better in no time....best of luck to you.

[anonymous_a]

That is a super shitty situation, for sure. Unfortunately it happens, more often that not. At this point, she doesn't even deserve your friendship. Move on.

[DeanW]

Yeah I know, she says she needs to clear up her life, fix some things, and she has some things to fix, but the emotional pain i feel is terrible. I just came from a class of kickbox, i got punched in the face, it didnt hurt, not compared to what i feel when i think of her. She said today that she adores me, i wish i could tell her to **** off, but i had a great month, to be honest, i feel like she could come around, but it doesnt feel right. Not anymore.

I am a lonely guy, i got out, have some friends, and im not social awkward, but this is the reason i put a wall between me and girls.

[smackie9]

Lesson learned? Don't go out with anyone that has recently ended a long term relationship....they are not emotionally ready. Stop torturing yourself and go no contact, block her number, etc.

[VerticalMoon]

You don't know that you were being used as a rebound or if it was something else. I'm sure she did feel things for you, or she wouldn't have spent so much time doing the things she did with you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this though. I know it feels really terrible right now. The good news is that feelings that horrible don't last that long. It's just the first day, and things will get easier. If you have any close friends or family members that would be supportive, don't be afraid to lean on them, even if you haven't in the past. I'm sure there are some who would want to be supportive if they knew how you were feeling. Hang in there, and be good to yourself.

[DeanW]

Lesson learned? Don't go out with anyone that has recently ended a long term relationship....they are not emotionally ready. Stop torturing yourself and go no contact, block her number, etc.

I thought i could be her white knight, i was so dumb. Yeah...she works with me. I cant completely block her....

[DeanW]

You don't know that you were being used as a rebound or if it was something else. I'm sure she did feel things for you, or she wouldn't have spent so much time doing the things she did with you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this though. I know it feels really terrible right now. The good news is that feelings that horrible don't last that long. It's just the first day, and things will get easier. If you have any close friends or family members that would be supportive, don't be afraid to lean on them, even if you haven't in the past. I'm sure there are some who would want to be supportive if they knew how you were feeling. Hang in there, and be good to yourself.

Thats how i feel. But everyone saw her happier when she started going out with me. I dont get it. Is it me? Am i not interesting? What the hell...

[VerticalMoon]

You can't take it personally. This happens to almost everyone. People fall for each other. Sometimes it lasts a long time. Often, it doesn't. It's nothing to do with you. Another girl out there would have thought you were the perfect guy and held on to you much longer. She just wasn't the right one.

[basilandthyme]

Thats how i feel. But everyone saw her happier when she started going out with me. I dont get it. Is it me? Am i not interesting? What the hell...

Dean, in the first post you said that you have a lot of bad qualities. Unfortunately, too many bad qualities will turn someone away from us even if we do have a heart of gold.
So yeah, it might be you. What kind of bad qualities are we talking about here?

[Calvin]

poor guy. you'll bounce back. you've bounced back from at least one break up before

[DeanW]

Dean, in the first post you said that you have a lot of bad qualities. Unfortunately, too many bad qualities will turn someone away from us even if we do have a heart of gold.
So yeah, it might be you. What kind of bad qualities are we talking about here?

Im jealous, but i dont exagerate. I dont know, maybe its my low ego, but it doesnt show, we had nice times together, i thought she was loving it.

But now, i just got confirmation, i am the rebound guy. I am extremely happy, she told me she hold on to me because she was sad and felt good with me, she needed love. Great, this feeling is amazing. I have been through rough paths, but this hurts like hell.