First of all, let me just say that I am NOT making this topic to lament about the situation, or anything like that. Please refrain from just telling me to "move on", and all that, because I already know that, and that's not what this topic is about. This topic is about educating me and helping me understand, because honestly, I'm too naive and dumb to really understand any of it, myself. I know I've posted about this situation many times already, but again, it's always really been in a lamenting way, and I feel like no one has ever really helped me understand what, exactly, happened. Let me try to break things down into a proper timeline to make this background information easier to read:
- Last year, I was well beyond a point where I had accepted people didn't want to talk to me or be my friend (and certainly not a girlfriend), and I was just content living in my own little bubble. I was reserved and kept to myself, but I was never rude or inhospitable to anyone. Last summer, this girl I work with started popping up around me more, and was becoming very persistent (almost to a degree that I felt uncomfortable for a while) in trying to get me to open up to her. Honestly, I don't know why she was so persistent, since I was still pretty reserved and content in my own little bubble.
- I started coming around, and the more I opened up to her, the more she seemingly wanted to spend time with me at work. I'd be off doing my own thing, and she'd constantly come find me to talk, joke around, or just hang out. It was a lot of fun, and we discovered that we had a ton of things in common, and everything. I feel like I was a very happy, upbeat person during this period, and I feel like I was being the absolute best person I could be. I'd like to think that she could see that I was a mature, good-hearted, warm, funny guy. Naturally, I developed feelings for her and asked her out, but she said no.
- After she turned me down, she started to distance herself from me at work, and that, combined with the rejection itself, made me bum out super hard. Admittedly, I got a bit weird for a couple months, and our relationship at work became strained even more.
- There's another guy we work with that's a super sleazey douchey womanizing "player" type (almost completely stereotypical even), and everybody knows this within about a week or so of knowing him. He literally targets and attempts to sleep with every single girl he encounters, and more often than not, he's successful. So, apparently, before I ever liked this girl, she dated this guy for a little while, but they broke up when he cheated on her (shocking, right?). To make things easier, I'll refer to this guy as "ex #1".
- After she turned my date down, and started distancing herself from me, she started becoming chummy with ex #1 again. As you can imagine, that only added to my feelings of sadness and discontent.
- There's another guy that used to work with us that I always thought was kind of a dumb "frat boy" type, though he hasn't for over a year, now. Apparently, he and this girl kept in touch, though, and started dating earlier this year. They were together for about six months, then they split up recently because he cheated on her (I'm sensing a pattern, here...). This is ex #2.
- Ever since her and ex #2 split, her and ex #1 have pretty much been "best buds" at work. They're seemingly attached at the hip, constantly spending time together, talking and joking about god-knows-what. I'd bet good money that ex #1 (despite supposedly having a girlfriend) wants to get her in bed. Whether he has been (or will be successful), I don't know, and I don't really want to know.
- She's been a bit nicer to me since she split with ex #2, and I feel like we're on better terms now, but we're still nowhere near where we were last year, and it seems like she's much more into spending time with ex #1.
I guess what I find myself curious about is why ex #1 is more "appealing" to be around than someone like me. I mean, he's a sleaze with a silver tongue, and he cheated on her, so why does she want to indulge him and hover around each other so much at work? Why is it that a guy like him is "okay", but someone like me, who only ever had feelings for her, is a "keep away from"? I don't know what will happen with them, and like I said, I know it's none of my business, and again, that's not what this topic is about.
I make this topic because it's incredibly rare for me to find a girl I like, so when it happens, I really need to get it right. If/ when I find someone again some day, I don't want to repeat this same situation, but I've just never felt like I understood it. I never understood why I'm "unattractive" to a girl like her, and why a girl like her would care to indulge the lame "cool guys" and "players" instead.
Of course, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have lingering "something" for this girl, but again, we're not here to discuss how I need to "move on". I'm aware that things with her are a complete and utter lost cause and that there's no chance things will ever be any different. Again, I just want to understand and educate myself on what went wrong, and why those guys "won" and I "lost", because again, I don't want to repeat this later on down the line if I ever manage to find another girl I like enough.