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Thread: Is she losing interest?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
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    Is she losing interest?

    Hi all, I'm new here. I met a girl about a year ago online, chatted every day for hours and then finally met up in december. We had been living in different countries but are from the same place originally. We got on so well, everything clicked, made each other laugh, and had everything in common, even strange little things about us that we both shared. She knew some of my family, and other people etc, it all seemed so right. We're both early 30s.
    So having only met a few times, and spending a few weekends together, she was leaving where she was living anyway so she moved here to be with me (London). Queue many months of happiness and great sex. She wasn't working until about 6 weeks ago and this had her really down. Now she has a job she is happy with.
    The problem is, lately she's been snapping at me a lot, over tiny things. Getting really mad sometimes. She believes it's because we spend all our time together and don't have lives independent of each other, so naturally we're going to get on each others nerves at times. I do agree with her but in truth she doesn't annoy me at all, so it makes me feel bad when she snaps.
    So this weekend just gone she's decided she's going to make a real effort to get out and about and meet people and try and make a life for herself and hope it makes a difference. I guess I'll have to do the same, I know some people here and I can keep busy. It's a rather big impersonal city so it's not easy to make friends here.
    The thing is now that I'm just really worried she's going to leave me, that she's become bored with me. She's said when angry that I don't do anything at all, just sit around, and it drives her nuts. I haven't been doing much lately but neither has she. It seems like she's getting bored of me and this has me on edge now. I think she probably needs time apart to miss me etc. We do an awful lot of stuff together though, eat out very often, go on long walks, plan holidays...
    I don't really have any interests or hobbies though, well I'm not passionate about anything, and I can see how that would be a turn off for someone. Is it possible to force yourself to take up new hobbies etc? I don't know what to do about that.
    But what is the correct balance? How much time should couples spend with each other and how much do they need to be apart?
    What can I do now to try and salvage this? She says she really loves me and fancies me still, I mean we had sex like 5 times yesterday and the same the day before, and it's still really good, best I've ever had anyway and she has said the same.
    Any help would be much appreciated, thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
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    Philadelphia
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    Hmm, usually when I start getting snappy in a relationship and blame it on "spending too much time together" I do secretly feel bored with the relationship. I can spend every spare second with my current boyfriend and never get snappy or irritated with him, but my last boyfriend had me so irritated I could barely stand to be in the same room as him. But remember, this is NOT everyone's way. Some people really do just need some independence to feel sane. If she moved there for you I'm guessing she doesn't have much of a social life outside of your mutual social life? Some girls just plain need a group of female companions for "girls night out" without the boyfriends. Having your own friends is important, especially for people that feel isolated or smothered without them.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    Langley, BC
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    2,344
    Quote Originally Posted by aspidistra View Post
    I don't really have any interests or hobbies though,
    Everyone has things they enjoy. If your only hobby has become your girlfriend, then you're in some serious trouble my friend. You need to have an independent life from your relationship or you're screwed in the long run (much like is happening now). Join a running group, some sports team, go back to night school, just do SOMETHING. Nothing is more smothering than an SO whose only interest in their life is the relationship their in. I have (well had) friends like you growing up, now they're all pinned in long term marriages or relationships and I haven't seen them in years. Scary part is, through the grapevine I hear they've made no new friends along the way. I have been in my relationship for just over two years, and I play softball, hockey, run with a group, and go to class a few nights a week. It makes the 2-3 times a week we spend together much more amazing.

    Get out there, see your friends, and do fun things.
    "All is fair in love and war." - Francis Edward Smedley

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