I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[LatinoHeat]

wow 150 posts

very popular thread

[searock]

I respected, trusted, and admired Kristy, and I still didn't feel like a victim. You can say "that's not it" all you want but I have to go by the evidence I see, and the evidence I see is that that the two most outstanding points that coexist as differences between our cases are the two that I pointed out in my last reply to you and as long as that remains the case I have to put two and two together in how I perceive the situation.

You don't know the full story (because I don't want to get into it), but the thing is, the fact that I'm female has nothing to do with it. He could have done the same thing with a male kid my same age, and nothing would have changed. It's fine if you don't believe me - as I said, we can just agree to disagree. I know how it is.

The amount of maturity of ALL kinds required to command an army to victory while your life and the fate of your empire is on the line is exponentially greater than that required to choose a sex partner. The latter is too miniscule to even register on any kind of scale that can possibly measure the former.

As I said, I think it's wrong for a kid to do that, too. But the comparison doesn't make sense.

And what about the ones that volunteer to join the military at that age? Do you disagree with that and think they are too immature?

Yes.

If so, the millions of people who are doing so as we speak all disagree. The ones who got in the military fresh out of high school and are effectively bearing the weight of exponentially bigger responsibilities than deciding who to have sex with are not only disagreeing with you but actually poving you wrong by handling their responsibilities just fine. Some of them are responsible for multi-million dollar top secret equipment that affects hundreds of millions of people on an international scale. Everyone higher ranking who joined out of high school and went through what the young ones today are going through and went on to become leaders all disagree with you, and spent years proving you wrong by handling the same or similar aforementioned responsibilities as the young guns today are handling.

Again, the comparison doesn't make sense. By the way, I don't think that most people in the military are emotionally healthy - but this is off topic as I said. We are talking about something VERY different.

If the amount of maturity of ALL kinds required to do what many late teen women are doing in the military today is enough to fill an ocean, the amount required to decide all by herself who to have sex with would fit inside a shot glass.

Different things. Having sex is not remotely comparable to guiding an army or whatever. Having sex is an intimate, private experience that can make you completely vulnerable to another person. Being in the military requires a completely different type of responsibility and maturity, that is incomparable to the emotional maturity required to have sex with such an older and more experienced person.

Again, she is not powerless, she is not weak-minded, she is 17, and he is 35.

[babygirll]

Good - see this negative experience as a learning experience.

You should stop feeling bad about yourself - I don't understand why you feel "cheapened"? Having sex (with anyone) doesn't make you less valuable as a person. If anything, you are "wisened" by this experience.

I do understand your feeling used, on the other hand. It's an awful feeling I know, but what matters is that you've learned to stay away from sleazy guys like him in the future. The feeling will pass, with time. You'll be alright, don't worry :-).

I dunno. It is just not who I am, and I feel horrible about it. I felt empty and drained afterwards, and like the entire experience was a waste. I dunno how to explain it feels cheap and tacky to me.

Maybe it has to do with the fact my parents are traditional and would have been deeply shocked and disgusted by my behaviour.What if my friends found out.Even throw religion in there(though it's not very important to me).

I really don't know I just don't feel good about it.But I feel slightly better now. It was an isolated moment of madness and one I bitterly regret.

Off topic - This TeEnAgEdIrTbAg makes me LOL

[LatinoHeat]

Yes you have let yourself and your parents down - naughty girl.

Now keep your legs closed

[4 ratties]

It's okay.. As long as u aren't pregnant and didnt get an std, then no harm done. Just be careful next time and don't think down on yourself

[smackie9]

Ya this thread just needs to die..... the majority of the responses are the same. Instead of 1000 ways to die, it should be 1000 ways to say you made a mistake now move on.

[LatinoHeat]

Ya this thread just needs to die..... the majority of the responses are the same. Instead of 1000 ways to die, it should be 1000 ways to say you made a mistake now move on.

ya just jealous nobody cares about your stupid threads

[dickriculous]

Dick: no matter how many times you repeat YOUR theory. I'm not going to agree with it. Nor will I agree with anyone that thinks it's brilliant. There is a good reason why the Canadian Goverment puts a restriction on that age of consent at 16.
If he were her age or only a few years older and she felt this way, I'd not keep on about him.
So: I Agree to Disagree once again.

Disagree all you like. Nobody is forcing you to agree with me, we're just discussing the subject at hand. If you're tired of dragging this on then our dialogue can end here without a care in the world.

As I said, I think it's wrong for a kid to do that, too. But the comparison doesn't make sense.

Different things. Having sex is not remotely comparable to guiding an army or whatever. Having sex is an intimate, private experience that can make you completely vulnerable to another person. Being in the military requires a completely different type of responsibility and maturity, that is incomparable to the emotional maturity required to have sex with such an older and more experienced person.

The comparison can apply to anything, so what if it's different? If you can handle a trip around the world you can handle walking ten feet. If you can run a 100m dash in 10 seconds you can handle 5 jumping jacks. If you can handle an entire keg of beer you can handle a cupcake. All of these things are being compared to something completely different, yet it's easy to see how all of these things are true regardless of the difference between the subject and what it's being compared to. The lone fact that we're talking about different things does not render the comparisons invalid.

The term you keep bringing up is "emotional maturity". So let's zero in on it. Emotional maturity involves being able to keep your emotions in check, being able to adjust or adapt, and being emotionally stable. Here is the literal psychological definition according to psychologydictionary.org: "Using the appropriate level of emotional expession and control for a given situation."

So...you don't see how these qualities and abilities are important for someone working with equipment that could have effects ranging throughout the entire world? I can see it very clearly. A lack of emotional maturity could easily cause someone to do something careless with a piece of critical data in a way that has consequences that are out of this world compared to "oh dang, I didn't want to have sex with him afterall". And yes, you're right, it is incomparable to the emotional maturity required to decide who to have sex with - refer to my ocean vs shotglass analogy in the previous post. Completely incomparable.

[haxan]

Jimmy Page had a 14 yr old girlfriend that he dated for years and years when he was 30ish. She still looks back fondly on it and she's in her early 50's now. Just some thread related trivia.

[IndiReloaded]

IndieReloaded: This is the gist of it. I add only that I think he is a creep and most likely much more for having the proclivity to bed a teen that much younger then himself. Doesn't matter if he's a doctor or a prof. The way I see it, there is no line there... the ages involved are still the same ages.

Wakeup I'm sorry but your post makes no sense. There is no logic to it, just you saying ad nauseaum "he is a creep".

Of course it matters if he was her medico or prof. As I said already, that describes a power imbalance and what ~Dick would call 'creating a victim', or at least the potential for one if she was coerced. This is the reason there are laws against this kind of thing, or (at least for profs) strong professional censure.

But an age delta alone isn't sufficient to make someone a creep. It's too arbitrary. You could call someone a creep with a 1, 5 or 50 year delta. What is your criteria for this? Until you define *why* it makes him a creep, you have no argument, simply an opinion.

You may have a point, but you are explaining it very poorly. Shrug.

[searock]

The comparison can apply to anything, so what if it's different? If you can handle a trip around the world you can handle walking ten feet. If you can run a 100m dash in 10 seconds you can handle 5 jumping jacks. If you can handle an entire keg of beer you can handle a cupcake. All of these things are being compared to something completely different, yet it's easy to see how all of these things are true regardless of the difference between the subject and what it's being compared to. The lone fact that we're talking about different things does not render the comparisons invalid.

The things you mention here^ all require the same type of skills, which is why they are comparable (although I could still argue that a person could be on a wheelchair and could travel around the world on a plane but couldn't walk 10 feet, a person could be allergic to an ingredient in the cupcake and could handle beer but not the cupcake, etc, but that's being pedantic). Having sex as a young kid with a much older person, and joining the army, require different types of emotional maturity and experience. Which is why they aren't comparable imo. As I said, sex is a private, intimate experience that can make you completely vulnerable to another person. Joining the army (even handling risky information and guiding men into battle etc) doesn't require the same kind of emotional tools.

Here is the literal psychological definition according to psychologydictionary.org: "Using the appropriate level of emotional expession and control for a given situation."

Key word is "for a given situation" - not "for ANY given situation". One can be emotionally mature for one situation, and not emotionally mature for another situation.

[IndiReloaded]

Something of interest:

Link: http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/other-autre/clp/faq.html

I wonder if their age difference is considered to be "exploiting?"

What is Canada's age of consent?
The age of consent for sexual activity is 16 years. It was raised from 14 years on May 1, 2008 by the Tackling Violent Crime Act.

However, the age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity "exploits" the young person -- when it involves prostitution, pornography or occurs in a relationship of authority, trust or dependency (e.g., with a teacher, coach or babysitter). Sexual activity can also be considered exploitative based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the young person's age, the age difference between the young person and their partner, how the relationship developed (quickly, secretly, or over the Internet) and how the partner may have controlled or influenced the young person.

Wakeup - Thank you for this post, it actually illustrates your problem perfectly. You don't read for contextual understanding, only what you think supports your 'argument' (I use the term loosely b/c you don't have one yet). This statement provides a clear context for the age difference statement, and it is *exactly* what ~Dick and I have been saying. I have highlighted the relevant part. This is where the OPs partner being a medico or prof would absolutely affect a case.

Read up on argumentation. Blanket statements (the age difference makes him a creep) without defining the context are impossible to defend as anything other than blathering opinion. Fine (and fun) to spew, but not very effective at making someone change their own opinion.

[IndiReloaded]

Having sex as a young kid with a much older person, and joining the army, require different types of emotional maturity and experience. Which is why they aren't comparable imo.
Key word is "for a given situation" - not "for ANY given situation". One can be emotionally mature for one situation, and not emotionally mature for another situation.

Same problem as Wakeup. Define 'emotional maturity'. How do you measure it?

Age can be well defined. Emotional maturity cannot and, as you point out, is fluid and situational. Some 17 year olds are more mature than 35 year olds. You can't create law based on that. You certainly can't make a blanket statement saying "age difference X = creep". It's about context and *more importantly* about personal choice and responsibility once the age of majority is reached.

If you don't like that, then you need to approach your lawmakers for a (by necessity, equally imperfect) new limit. Its been done, as wakeup has shown.

[searock]

Same problem as Wakeup. Define 'emotional maturity'. How do you measure it?

Age can be well defined. Emotional maturity cannot and, as you point out, is fluid and situational. Some 17 year olds are more mature than 35 year olds. You can't create law based on that. You certainly can't make a blanket statement saying "age difference X = creep". It's about context and *more importantly* about personal choice and responsibility once the age of majority is reached.

If you don't like that, then you need to approach your lawmakers for a (by necessity, equally imperfect) new limit. Its been done, as wakeup has shown.

Emotional maturity and experience. Unless the 35 year old was a virgin, he had more experience than her. Most 17 year olds aren't emotionally mature enough to be able to consent to having sex with a much older person. Which is why I think the law should be changed - the age of consent at 16 is fine, but not with people over 5 years older, or something. It wouldn't solve the problem of course, but it would make it partially better.

Yes it would make a difference if he were a doctor or teacher, but it still doesn't make it ok if he isn't.

You can't measure emotional maturity, you can just esteem it - I think we all agree that most 17 years old aren't emotionally mature like most adults with years of experience on their shoulders. It is definitely the case of OP at any rate, and it was mine.

[IndiReloaded]

An 18 year old can have more experience than a 17 year old. Definition of 'creep'? Not a good one. Try again.

You haven't defined emotional maturity. Nor experience. Good luck with that.

Which is why I think the law should be changed - the age of consent at 16 is fine, but not with people over 5 years older, or something.

You need to think this one through^ to its logical end. This might be the reason why the limits are specific to *age* of consent (not a delta)? You are really grasping on this one, both you and Wakeup.