I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[JanisS]

There's no reason to feel like that. You wanted it - maybe that's him who was used.
It's in the past now anyway. There's nothing you can do. Don't beat yourself and be kind to yourself. We learn from experiences - it's a lesson for the future to not to do it again.

[searock]

maybe that's him who was used..

Hahahahahahahaahahaah.................

[michelle23]

its okay. dont feel bad about yourself. one bad decision whilst you were free and single. nobody got hurt and you learned a valuable lesson. buy a vibrator now and wait till you meet a guy who cares for you and who you care for before having sex again.

you are young, you made a mistake. your allowed one reckless mistake. we have all been there. id say most have a sexual experience they regret.

the important thing now is to forgive yourself. the way you are talking its as if you were forced. you need to syop feeling dirty, bad, ashamed and stop scrubbing yourself. your clean. you have only slept with 3 guys-its nothing to be ashamed of. and nobody will think your a slut

put it down to a lesson learned and move on. if you are still feeling rotten about this in a few weeks-see a counselor or a sex therapist

you cant let one bad experience like this turn you off men or sex. you need to ebrace your sexuality. its perfectly normal to enjoy sex-just save it for someone you trust and have feelings for in future

best of luck xx

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

hey babygiurll no offense i am also a teenage gal but i think u r a horny gal n u will continue to have sex wid older guys that smile ur way.i mean u won't even drunk n u opened ur legs for him.i dont think this is 1 off cos my cousin is ur age n regretted it but she still sleeps around lol

[rafterman]

I don't know what the hell I was thinking.oh and we live right across from each other. idk what to do now..

i was weak, we had a great time, cuddled and talked for two hours after sex and then i left. it was amazing but now i kind of regret everything that happened. help

I feel sick , disgusted, used, slutyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did'nt see many questions in here seeking advice, I saw it more of a statement.... You made the bed, so you lie in it..... If you dont want to feel all "slutty" or "dirty", after sleeping with a 35yr old guy, then dont get under him in the first instance. Its not rocket science :/

[perth]

hi honey, i know how you feel. when i was 15 i lost my virginity to a guy in his 40s. i was working my first summer job door to door canvassing and he invited me in for a beer, so i lied and told him i was 19 (legal drinking age in canada). i was not drunk (only two beers) and it was consensual but i felt uncomfortable and gross as it was happening, and afterwards i also felt gross and dirty, like you feel.

the reason i did it is because like many teenagers i was very insecure in many ways, i had awful self-esteem and it was the first time anyone expressed interest in sleeping with me. before this i'd only kissed. i felt flattered that someone "wanted me" and i thought maybe doing it with him would make me feel better about myself... but it just made me feel worse. afterwards i went home and cried and showered to try to feel clean again. i told my friend and instead of sympathy she thought i was gross for doing it with a middle aged man.

i can think of something you can do to feel better - take action to protect other girls from experiencing the same thing. let this man know that ever since sleeping with him you have been feeling awful, gross, depressed, etc. you can write it in an email or a letter you leave in his mail box to make it easier. you can also say you never want to talk to him again and to please leave you alone.

this will take a lot of courage on your part, but it will be worth it because afterwards you will feel strong and empowered, instead of used and weak how you feel now. you will feel like a hero protecting others, instead of feeling like a victim or slut.

you don't have to take an accusatory tone or make him feel like he's a predator or an awful guy, because he probably was just ignorant to the fact that sleeping with you would make you feel this way. but be sure to tell him that he should never again do with other teenage girls what he did with you, because they might end up feeling the bad things you feel now.

he should have known better, that as an adult of his age that a teenage girl might be upset and ambivalent about a sexual experience with him. after reading your email/letter (or having a conversation with you if you are VERY brave), he will not have the excuse of ignorance anymore, and if he is a decent person, he will not sleep with teenage girls ever again, and even before sleeping with women who are significantly younger than him, he will take things slow and be cautious before jumping into bed.

he really should have known better already, but some people need some extra help figuring these things out. you can be that person who makes a difference.

[rafterman]

LOL.... Maybe don't lie to him in the very beginning, and give him the impression it was o.k. I would question your integrity just as much as his.

[Starnique]

hey babygiurll no offense i am also a teenage gal but i think u r a horny gal n u will continue to have sex wid older guys that smile ur way.i mean u won't even drunk n u opened ur legs for him.i dont think this is 1 off cos my cousin is ur age n regretted it but she still sleeps around lol

You need to stay in the teenage forum. You sound your age and is therefore making no sense, seriously.

[Starnique]

LOL.... Maybe don't lie to him in the very beginning, and give him the impression it was o.k. I would question your integrity just as much as his.

17 years old is a still a kid in a sense. Was you as wise as you was now when you was 17? He's a pervert. What in the hell was he doing entertaining her in the first place. That's why so many young people think they are grown as it is, people keep trying to put them on the same level with the adults and nobody knows their positions. That's also why teens are quick to curse any adult out because they think they are on their level. no kind of respect. Yes she is responsible for her actions but he is the adult, he was the manipulator.

[rafterman]

17 years old is a still a kid in a sense. Was you as wise as you was now when you was 17? He's a pervert. What in the hell was he doing entertaining her in the first place. .

He was entertaining a woman who he believed, to be of legal drinking age... albeit a lie, in which she agreed to. At 17 I was'nt as wise as I am now, but I certainly was'nt looking for people to blame, If I fvcked up and got myself into a position due to my lack of forethought. Hind sight is 20/20 vision... No need to play a "blame game "

[Rowen]

Why are you getting all hot and bothered about this? OP hasnt accused him of anything. She just said she feels ashamed, dirty, used and regrets what happened even though she enjoyed it at the time. Nobody has accused him of assaulting her so wtf?

Uh, I don't really know what you mean by hot and bothered? I wasn't trying to attack Wakeup or anyone...? Wakeup and I mainly just have a difference of opinion on whether or not we should side with the OP. Personally, I just think she should be adult about it and take responsibility to learn from it. Wakeup feels otherwise. But we're not arguing- just discussing. haha My mentioning of him possibly being accused of assault is just a reason I'm displaying why I feel the way I do. Sorry if it appeared otherwise.

[Rowen]

hi honey, i know how you feel. when i was 15 i lost my virginity to a guy in his 40s who also was not attractive. i was working my first summer job door to door canvassing and he invited me in for a beer, so i lied and told him i was 19 (legal drinking age in canada). i was not drunk (only two beers) and it was consensual but i felt uncomfortable and gross as it was happening, and afterwards i also felt gross and dirty, like you feel.

the reason i did it is because like many teenagers i was very insecure in many ways, i had awful self-esteem and it was the first time anyone expressed interest in sleeping with me. before this i'd only kissed. i felt flattered that someone "wanted me" and i thought maybe doing it with him would make me feel better about myself... but it just made me feel worse. afterwards i went home and cried and showered to try to feel clean again. i told my friend and instead of sympathy she thought i was gross for doing it with a middle aged unattractive guy.

i can think of something you can do to feel better - take action to protect other girls from experiencing the same thing. let this man know that ever since sleeping with him you have been feeling awful, gross, depressed, etc. you can write it in an email or a letter you leave in his mail box to make it easier. you can also say you never want to talk to him again and to please leave you alone.

this will take a lot of courage on your part, but it will be worth it because afterwards you will feel strong and empowered, instead of used and weak how you feel now. you will feel like a hero protecting others, instead of feeling like a victim or slut.

you don't have to take an accusatory tone or make him feel like he's a predator or an awful guy, because he probably was just ignorant to the fact that sleeping with you would make you feel this way. but be sure to tell him that he should never again do with other teenage girls what he did with you, because they might end up feeling the bad things you feel now.

he should have known better, that as an adult of his age that a teenage girl might be upset and ambivalent about a sexual experience with him. after reading your email/letter (or having a conversation with you if you are VERY brave), he will not have the excuse of ignorance anymore, and if he is a decent person, he will not sleep with teenage girls ever again, and even before sleeping with women who are significantly younger than him, he will take things slow and be cautious before jumping into bed.

he really should have known better already, but some people need some extra help figuring these things out. you can be that person who makes a difference.

I think there's a difference here between a fifteen year old experience something like that and this OP...no offense. I'm sorry that happened to you...

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

You need to stay in the teenage forum. You sound your age and is therefore making no sense, seriously.

just cos i'm a teenager dont make me dumb.what i'm saying is that she wasnt even drunk n let an old strange man enter inside her she must be very horny gal lol anddd no offense but i think she is goin 2 open her legs for any strange man dat smiles at her lol

[michelle23]

just cos i'm a teenager dont make me dumb.what i'm saying is that she wasnt even drunk n let an old strange man enter inside her she must be very horny gal lol anddd no offense but i think she is goin 2 open her legs for any strange man dat smiles at her lol

this situation is not black and white and she didnt do it just coz she felt horny. have you ever been in this position with an older more experienced guy who is being quite forward and making it obvious what he wants? believe me if your not prepared for it, you will not know hot to react and could easily find yourself regretting the whole experience.

itis not as easy as you think to say no if its the last thing your expecting to happen. i froze and went along with it. i cant even explain why but it was a numb experience that i regretted. he didnt ask are you sure you wana do this? if he did i would have said no and i didnt say no coz i froze and really didnt no how to handle it.

it took about 10seconds for me to realize i was being a fool leting a stranger f**k me who i thought was a creep and wasnt even a tiny bit wet and i said STOP! and pushed him away...

he text me ten times trying to get me to meethim again. i decided to give him a chance but it never felt right. i didnt trust him coz he was so forward and i told him to get lost two weeks later

you have no right to judge this girl until you have been in her situation. 17 is still youg, vulnerable, insecure. older people can be more intimidating than someone your own age. and maybe she just didnt no how to say no

this girl dont need a lecture. she needs support and anyone who cannot see that can f**k right off

[okwhat2013]

Wow, very interesting discussion. One point, what is this "he wasn't even good looking"? Seriously age doesn't matter if you are good looking? That sort of makes the entire argument a little mute. So is it a bad thing because he was older and not good looking but if he was Brad Pitt at age 35 you would be bragging about it? Ugh. Anyways, I am 35 and definitely associate with younger women but 17 sounds way to young for a 35 yer old, I freak out a little when I'm talking to a girl at bar and she says she is 21, actually they lie a lot about their age a lot. However, overall really interesting subject, really hard to say what is right or wrong in this case.