i dont know what to make of this!

[*Sarah]

hi guys, this is my first ever post on this forum so i don't know what to expect ! I am hoping that as outside observers to my situation you'll be able to give me objective advice... here goes

I met a guy about two months ago at university, i'm an undergrad and he's a post so there's about 5 years between us. It was totally platonic at first, he's so intelligent and driven, with a good sense of humour. Perfect gentleman too, the conversation is great and we are really comfortable around eachother.

It's just that.. basically he told me he was in a relationship, he was with this girl for 9 months until the poor girl died in a car crash, god rest her soul. This happened in march this year, and i met him in May.

We spend quite a bit of time with eachother, not a day goes by without him checking up on me or chat or arrange plans to meet up. There is a definite chemistry between us, he flirts with me a lot and i can't lie i flirt right back.

but umm.... his girlfriend, who he said he loved so much he intended to marry her, only died a few months ago...

he doesn't talk about her a lot, he's probably only ever mentioned her 3 times. Is our friendship basically his way of getting over her ? which in turn means he probably is not romantically interested in me, no matter how much he flirts. See even as I'm writing this i know how stupid it sounds lol but I really do enjoy his company a lot and the more time i spend with him the more i like him.

should I cut him off before i get too attached, or is there a shred of possibility between us ..that something may happen in future ?

i feel silly writing this, go easy on me lol

[michelle23]

i doubt he is planning to use or hurt you. howver you could unintentionally end up being a rebound. its too soon for him to move on

just be a friend to him for now. if he makes a move-tell him you would rather wait and give him time to heal as you feel he may not be ready for something serious and serious is what you want

dont be afraid to be blunt about it. be honest as to why it cant happen yet. if you want to risk waiting 6-12 months for him to be ready-thats your decision.

i wouldnt though. id cut ties and move on. if your both single a year from now and you still see potential you could get back in touch. if you meet someone else in the meantime then forget about him

[*Sarah]

thanks so much for the advice michelle <3