how do i forgive myself?

[michelle23]

But are you happy to destroy his marriage? Do you understand the affect an affair can have on a marriage or their kids? Sure if it wasn't with you-he probably would have found someone else but why would you want to be a part of that?

Its immoral.

Imagine if you spent ten or twenty years with a man you love and trust with all your heart who you have built a life, home and family with and he has an affair and everything you have had for so long is taken from under your nose in an instant. All of a sudden you feel like your whole life is built on a lie and the man you thought you knew is actually a stranger. Can you imagine the emotional impact of that.

My grand mother had a nervous breakdown over her cheating husband. Many people have attempted or committed suicide. Are you really that self absorbed that you dont care how your actions impact others?

[avine]

I have not destroyed anything, it ended and he went back to his wife acting like nothing has ever happened. Had it come out though, it would be He destroying His marriage not me.
Most things in life are not black and white Michelle its easy to say this is wrong this is right and judge but some times things happen in our lives that make us question what we believe and know.
I don't want to upset any one, i am only asking a question here to which is actually irrelevant that it was an affair it might as well not have been my issue would be the same but i wanted to describe the situation truthfully.

[michelle23]

Its easy to make excuses. It is black and white. He is a cheat and you are an enabler. All the excuses in the world mean feck all to me. Im not judging you. All I am saying is you should take a closer look at yourself and the wrong you did and not sugar coat it or make it seem not so bad..

Sure hes gone back living a lie pretending everything is fine when its not but the truth will come out. It always does..

And you will go on and do the same thing again and not learn anything

[avine]

See i think that he having an affair with me doesnt mean he doesn't love his wife, clearly he does otherwise he wouldn't be with her. He had sex with me. its 2 different things.

[michelle23]

Who said anything about love. Betrayal is what we are talking about and as far as I am concerned you do not betray or lie to someone that you say you love. She could find someone who would love her enough not to do that but I am done with this discussion. Its a waste of time. Enjoy your miserable life

[avine]

Enjoy your miserable life

Hostility above tolerance, not a most mature approach. Live and let live, we all have different beliefs.
what you were discussing was not even the topic of my post.

[michelle23]

yes but it is an issue that needs to be addressed. You can stay in denial if you like. I am more mature than you are by a mile. I have something called self respect and respect for others as well as empathy..

[avine]

yes but it is an issue that needs to be addressed. You can stay in denial if you like. I am more mature than you are by a mile. I have something called self respect and respect for others as well as empathy..

maybe you are maybe not, its not the point. All i want to know is how do i move on from this and make peace with my errors.

[stilldoubting]

maybe stop making those arrerors and accept that your percieved errors are not the only ones you have made. maybe you will forgive yourself if you take responsibility and accept it was wrong to have an affair and vow not to do it again


that is the point i am trying to make but its not sinking in coz your in denial and choose to believe you did nothing wrong by rationalizing it saying he is the one that betrayed her. that is true but you still played a major part in it

[madelinel]

I think you should get a new job. A new work environment will help you move on with your life faster. Seeing him every day only reminds you of the things you want to forget. We all make stupid mistakes. The important thing is to learn from it and make sure it never happens again. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Just treat it as one of the life experiences that really help you grow up. Don't let this horrible guy ruin your happiness you deserve. He will belong to your past. you should live in the present and look forward to a wonderful future. Good luck!