Was romantic, now treating me like one of the dudes

[kbee]

Once in a while I would like him to tell me I'm pretty and not stand over my head while I'm bent over tying my shoe, and then laugh when I try to bend back up and hit his crotch with my head. I tell him that I'm proud of him, often, even after he recently lost his job. I love him - and I tell him that. He does tell me he loves me, too.

Of course, I know he is just teasing me, when he does these things, and I often joke around with him, too. But when I met him 8 months ago, what attracted me to him was that he was romantic. Now, I have no idea where this quality went. We've talked about this issue, and he thinks I'm being ridiculous, which makes me feel needy. I think I'm just expressing a basic need to feel loved and desired.

I have tried to lead by example, initiate a different dynamic, by doing and saying cute and kind things for him, go out of the way for him, but he doesn't seem to notice or care. I don't expect Prince Charming, or for his actions to be the same as they were when we first started dating, but where's the compromise? Where's the effort? I don't feel like his girl anymore, and I don't feel special. I am starting to not have any desire to be intimate with him because I feel like he doesn't have interest in me. Yet, he says very sincerely and during appropriate times, "I love you, [my name]".

I'm kind of lost.... anyone have any insight?

[Ann S]

Dear kbee: This guy sounds like he hasn't a clue about how to sustain romance in a relationship. In fact, he sounds, crude. And why don't you expect, "Prince Charming?" This guy sounds like he's all about himself. I say, go out there and find a guy who can adore you on a consistent basis. It mystifies me why we all stay in unsatisfying relationships, expecting things to change. Good luck, Ann

[pcmaster]

Well romantic part is over. Buts its easy to recreate if you find a new BF. In your place I would cut off the sex until he learns apreciate you just like he did before. Realy he gets it too easy. Why should he try hard when things come easy? Make sure you stop doings things thats not apreciated, so he have chance to see how much you did for him. You dont know what you have until its gone.

[basilandthyme]

He's gotten comfortable with you. Being on his best behaviour is now a thing of the past and now he's showing you who he REALLY is.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[michelle23]

The honeymoon period is over hun, he thinks he has caught you now and doesn't realize that it actually takes work to keep you too. He was on his best behavior in the beginning, doing everything to impress you but now he is comfortable with you and just being himself. If you don't like what you are seeing, don't try to change him-just leave him

If there is no affection or romance and he never makes you feel special then just go now. 8 months in and your going off sex? That is not a good sign. It means you are not right for each other. In a happy, loving relationship with trust and good communication as well as respect, affection and intimacy-you would never go off sex.

It sounds like he cant tell the difference between affection and sex.. They are two different things. Is the only time you get any kind of affection from him when he wants sex?

[kbee]

That guys (and girls) don't show who they really are from the very beginning is damaging, I think. I starts the relationship on a false foundation. I am going to quietly move out. Thanks for all your feedback.

[michelle23]

That guys (and girls) don't show who they really are from the very beginning is damaging, I think. I starts the relationship on a false foundation. I am going to quietly move out. Thanks for all your feedback.

People dont plan it that way. When you are in the honeymoon period and all infatuated by someone-it makes you obsessed with them, wanting to impress and be the best you can be. Its natural. It happens to everyone. It could be that you were so infatuated by him that you didn't notice at the time his flaws and are only seeing them now.

It does funny things to your brain.

If its not working, its not working and its pointless dragging it out any longer.

[Bigdaddy.]

Maybe cos you can do it like a brother, do it like a dude grab ya crotch, wear ya hat low like you do it like a brother, do it like a dude do it like the man'dem, man'dem do it like the man'dem, sugar, sugar, sugar