Would It Be Weird With My Boyfriend If I Became Room-mates With My Guy Friend?

[Bomba]

My boyfriend and I are in a long-term relationship (over a year). Due to some some uncontrollable issues, my financial situation has been getting progressively worse, to the point that I am considering moving to a cheaper place.

A close, male (platonic) friend of mine offered me a room-mate situation that would save me a lot of money and hassle. My boyfriend has not said anything about us (boyfriend and I) moving in together instead, nor am I sure I would want him to. But I am feeling weird about having a boyfriend and living with another guy (that people have always thought I was "with" anyway because we are so close).

I would basically be spending more time with my guy friend than with my boyfriend, and to be honest, I don't know how thrilled I would be if my boyfriend had a female room-mate (especially if he moved in with her after we had started dating--and especially if he asked someone ELSE to move in and not me, lol).

So, I'm kind of in a strange bind, because it would really save me a lot of money and trouble, but I'm the first to admit it probably wouldn't "look" or feel too good to my boyfriend or to our other friends.

The thing is, if it came to that for my boyfriend, I'd be totally offering for him to stay with me, but I also know that moving in with a romantic partner should be about more than convenience or practicality. I'm actually not really sure what it SHOULD be about. I'm confused...and still in my financial bind.

I don't want to put any one of us under some weird kind of pressure, but my current lease runs out soon...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It is going to be a problem. Find another living situation.

[searock]

I believe that your best friend should be your boyfriend, not another guy. How close are you to this friend of yours? Do you keep in contact every day, talk about deep intimate stuff, go on platonic dates together?

Back on topic: you should ask your boyfriend what he thinks. Explain your financial situation to him, tell him that you are looking for a cheaper living arrangement and that you are considering moving in with your friend.

In the remote possibility that he agrees to you moving in with the other guy, just know that your relationship will very likely suffer from it. What would be the worse option: moving in with your boyfriend for financial convenience rather than for other reasons, or jeopardizing your relationship by moving in with another guy?

[basilandthyme]

I've had male flatmates in the past and it hasn't caused an issue. But it must be said that my boyfriend at the time was always welcomed into the house and was always my first priority when planning activities. Boyfriend, flatmate and I used to all hang out together sometimes too - like when there was sport on TV which we all enjoyed - or even going camping together. But it's about making sure that boyfriend knows he's still #1 on your priority list.

[Bomba]

I believe that your best friend should be your boyfriend, not another guy. How close are you to this friend of yours? Do you keep in contact every day, talk about deep intimate stuff, go on platonic dates together?

Back on topic: you should ask your boyfriend what he thinks. Explain your financial situation to him, tell him that you are looking for a cheaper living arrangement and that you are considering moving in with your friend.

In the remote possibility that he agrees to you moving in with the other guy, just know that your relationship will very likely suffer from it. What would be the worse option: moving in with your boyfriend for financial convenience rather than for other reasons, or jeopardizing your relationship by moving in with another guy?

I agree that my boyfriend should be my best friend, and I also agree that I'd rather move in with my boyfriend for financial reasons than risk jeopardizing my relationship, but, like I said, it's not like my boyfriend has offered...I don't know that he knows what to make of it either.

And yes, I've looked at other possibilities, including taking on more work and such, but right now, timing-wise, this is the only solution that has presented itself.

[searock]

I agree that my boyfriend should be my best friend, and I also agree that I'd rather move in with my boyfriend for financial reasons than risk jeopardizing my relationship, but, like I said, it's not like my boyfriend has offered...I don't know that he knows what to make of it either.

Why don't you ask him then? Tell him "I need to find a cheaper place to live, so I am considering moving in with my guy friend... however, I think it would be cool if I could move in with you. What do you think?"

[michelle23]

What is with all this malle/female best friend rubbish? Is this a common thingvin america coz i just think its naive and stupid.

No guy wants a girl best friend. I bet hes secretely in love with you.. The only guy you should be this close to is your bf. Im surprised any guy would date you at all with this "friend" snipping around

*shaking my head*

[michelle23]

To answer your qs: its a bad idea. Find a room share somewhere else.

[surfhb2]

What is with all this malle/female best friend rubbish? Is this a common thingvin america coz i just think its naive and stupid.

No guy wants a girl best friend. I bet hes secretely in love with you.. The only guy you should be this close to is your bf. Im surprised any guy would date you at all with this "friend" snipping around

*shaking my head*

This all depends on the age. At my age all my male friends have wives or soon to be wives. Once you hit 40 the whole hanging with the mates things gets old and a little faggy if you ask me.

When I dated my wife we quickly became best friends

I find nothing wrong with it....as long as there's trust and communication

Girls can have guy friend much easier then vice versa

[horndog]

It would probably be a tad difficult for your BF if it were just you and another guy living together in a two bedroom apartment. When I was in college it was not uncommon for groups of people to go in together and rent a whole house but have separate rooms. That type of situation in my eyes is totally different.

[4 ratties]

Living with another guy who's not your boyfriend would not be a good idea..
Pick Saving money or your relationship or find a way to have both..

[searock]

This all depends on the age. At my age all my male friends have wives or soon to be wives. Once you hit 40 the whole hanging with the mates things gets old and a little faggy if you ask me.

When I dated my wife we quickly became best friends

I find nothing wrong with it....as long as there's trust and communication

Girls can have guy friend much easier then vice versa

Are you saying that a man's best female friend should be his wife? Cause I think that's exactly the point Michelle is making...

[michelle23]

This all depends on the age. At my age all my male friends have wives or soon to be wives. Once you hit 40 the whole hanging with the mates things gets old and a little faggy if you ask me.

When I dated my wife we quickly became best friends

I find nothing wrong with it....as long as there's trust and communication

Girls can have guy friend much easier then vice versa

I had close male friends as a teenager in school. Probably ten lads who I got on really well with. If I see them now on a night out I always have a chat with them and a quick catch up. However, I don't spend time alone with them, don't text them, ring them, barely FB them unless its commenting on a photo etc. 7 of these 10 lads asked me out at one point. I kissed a few of them once or twice years ago and ended up going out with one of them for about 8 months... I just don't think its ever truly platonic when its male/female..

Its different when you are older and married. I bet you consider some of your wifes friends your friends or your friends wives are your friends but still I bet you don't ring them, text them, hang out one one one, meet them alone for drinks etc.. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed if it is to be purely platonic. I doubt OP has any of these rules with her friend which is disrespectful to her bf.

It is true that your husband/wife should be your best friend and the only opposite sex person you are that close to.

[Bomba]

Why don't you ask him then? Tell him "I need to find a cheaper place to live, so I am considering moving in with my guy friend... however, I think it would be cool if I could move in with you. What do you think?"

Well, I have mentioned it like that (except for the asking him about moving in with him part), and he's kind of just said, yeah, or whatever, so I guess it either doesn't matter to him or he doesn't know what to make of it.

But I would certainly never basically invite myself into anyone's home or life or anything. I figure if he preferred me to live with him, he would say so (It's not like I'm not giving him fair warning or notice or whatever).

I think that you guys have a good perspective on this, because there is something I just realized. The one and only real fight we've ever had was when we were kind of in a disagreement and I was kind of griping about my money situation and I said I guess I WILL have to move in with my friend, and my boyfriend's anger very quickly escalated and we almost broke up. I had associated his extreme anger with what we had been discussing, but maybe the roomie thing set him off? (Ok, maybe I'm a little dense, I don't know...)

So, anyway, I guess I will have to find another solution, but it also does make me wonder what my boyfriend (and my friend) want out of life. You guys have great insight and have made me think of stuff I never really considered...

[michelle23]

seriously hun your friend has a hidden agenda and your bf doesn't like you being too close to your friend. That is my opinion.

How serious are you and your bf? I was with mine 3 years before moving in together but we are both young i'm 23, hes 24 which is why we waited so long.