Unrequited Love again

[Alyce]

I feel so very very sad. I know I should be able to handle this thing but its killing me inside. I met a guy and we had thought that maybe there was the chance of something more. In a very honest and gentle way he made it clear that he did not want a relationship with me. We shared a lot of common experiences and as friends we get on great. But deep down I feel gutted as... although he does not know.... I feel very deeply about him. He has now mentioned that he is possibly meeting up with a girl and I have gone totally to pieces inside. I can't tell anyone about my feelings. My pride won't let me tell him how I feel and despite everything I don't want to lose his friendship even although its hurting.

I can't imagine a relationship with anyone else. We have shared so much and quite deep emotional conversations. He is everything I'd look for in a guy. Now I feel no one would live up to this. I couldn't date anyone else whilst I feel like this as it wouldn't be fair. But how do I get over it? I just cry and feel so miserable despite trying not to dwell on it. Its consuming.

Sorry for rambling and thanks to you all on this forum for being here
Alycexx

[Wakeup]

You have a problem with not thinking highly enough of yourself if you stick around taking the crumbs from a guy that doesn't want you the way you want him.

My advice is for you to go no contact with him, let him get on with his life with the woman(women) he chooses and you leave him out of your life while you work on yourself and your confidence so that you'll immediately distance yourself both physically and emotionally from anyone who doesn't want what you want. Settling only gets you to the place where you're hurting the way you do now. He's not a bad guy, he told you outright that he couldn't give you what you crave... that is when you should have told him that you'll not be hanging out with him anymore because you need to neutralize your feelings for him so that you'll be open to meeting someone that DOES want a relationship with you. Even if you didn't outright tell him all that, you should tell the most important person that very thing. That most important person is You. Look after your own emotional health from here on in and don't trust to give your heart to anyone who has outright told you they don't want it.

Sorry you're hurting, with zero contact, you will feel better much sooner.

[Alyce]

Hi Wake Up
Thank you for your reply. You are right: I missed a trick I let it get too far. To be honest it crept up on me I was cool with it at first but as time went by the feelings started to emerge. I hoped it would just pass and that I was going through a phase. I was wrong and now I have to face the consequences.

I do need to look after my emotional health I'm just reeling right now and need to work out how I get out without losing my dignity and looking weak. The irony is that he would agree with you and say I should look out for myself!

It feels like a big step but I know it has to be done

Thank you
Alycexx

[Wakeup]

Alyce: The thing with situations like this is you have to have YOUR OWN best interests in mind and in heart and the strength to actully look after yourself and those interests... even when what is in our own best interests isn't really what we want. I think we tend to look after ourselves better when we try to remain logical about the situ and not let ourselves become vulnerable to another that doesn't want the responsibility.

He knows whats best for one's self when feelings are'nt reciprocated so don't be afraid of losing face. He'll know exactly what the score is and he won't be holding it against you. Do the fade, and just let it die. He'll be busy with the new chick now anyway and he'll likely not give you as much time as he once did so on ya go so you can be free of any risidual infatuation and can be open to meeting someone who will reciprocate

Cheers.

[Alyce]

The logical thing to me is to not tell him anything because I'll feel better about myself and like you say... just fade.
Thanks xx