a little advice needed for a confused broken heart

[Lisa-Marie]

I love my bf to bits and we are so happy together..this is what i dont understand though... i found a txt on his mob to another girl that just said : would you make coffee, and her reply was bring milk and of course... but the thing was it was after midnight when we werent together. I just started crying so hard that it made me almost vomit... he just kept asking me whats wrong, what happend talk to me...so i just said to him: were all day together, our sex life is amazing so u say, you have everything you wanted with me...then why the hell would you go to another girl in the middle of the night for a coffee??? he just sat down and said : babes we were old friends and we found each other in the street that day and we wanted to catch up thats all i swear nothing happend... of course i said do i look dumb or stubid...but then he kept saying i have everything i want with you, i adore you and i prove it everyday. this is the best relationship i ever had and i want to be with you..do you really think i would do something so stubid and leave it on my phone for you to find? and risk loosing you? I just asked him to turn the tables and get into my shoes what would he do if i was the one who went for a coffee in the middle of a night to a guys house? he just shook his head lowered his eyes and said your right... So what do you want me to do? do you want me to prove it to you? ill call her now and ask her straight on loudspeaker if anything happened and youll see i was telling the truth!....I cant stop thinking about it and yes i love him so much but i will not tolerate this...i dont want to break up cause he might be telling the truth but what if hes not and its just a cover up? I dont know what to do please can anyone advice me? plz

[Lisa-Marie]

im just sitting here and crying my eyes out...feel really shitty now...

[toknow]

Yes, text sounds bad. But my first impression is, he is genuine and he is telling you the truth.
So don't stress out, it might be for nothing. His reaction seems genuine, or he is a very good liar.

Very careless and foolish of him not to tell you about this and risk your relationship this way.

The fact that he said to call on loudspeaker also speaks in his favor. If he had something to hide,
thinks could get messy if he hadn't warned her about this conversation.

[Lisa-Marie]

then why am i sitting here torned up crying my eyes off and feeling so scared that it could be true? i mean he offered to prove him self and i said no...

[Lisa-Marie]

the thing is before he went to her, he called me to see what i was up too and told me about his day... the way i see it or think is maybe he was making sure that we talked before he went just in case i called him when he was there?

[toknow]

Because you love him so much. And he should really make this up to you. The reason for your reaction is a beautiful thing. He should kiss your tears away and show you love.

[Lisa-Marie]

so you think in your opinion he might be telling the truth, and im just making a fuss for nothing... deep down i want it to be true, but i feel so bad and when he came over a while ago, while he is at work just to check up on me and say goodmorning might be cause hes concerned or just cause he feels bad cause something did happen

[Lisa-Marie]

he did ...he kept holding me all night last night kissing my forehead and holding me close saying to me all the time im sorry didnt want to hurt u

[toknow]

It doesn't have to be guilt, he could just see how much you love him and feel bad that he put you through this.

Good, don't stress out about it. Also know that when someone cheats on you, they cheat themselves even more.

[Lisa-Marie]

i hope your right... i have to pull myself together i believe, talk to him today and just tell him basically that i love him and to ask him not to hurt me again cause once is forgiven, second time is not....

[toknow]

Yes, focus on your love for him and you will feel better.

[Lisa-Marie]

thank you i actually feel better a bit now xxxxx

[toknow]

I'm glad you do. You should feel much better, because the phone on loudspeaker sounds extremely genuine. Also his eagerness to explain it also indicates he is telling the truth.

[michelle23]

Hun you need to calm down and clear your head. Don't contact him for a few days. Just take some time out on your own to think and tell him you will contact him when you are ready to talk.

Then when you are calm and thinking clearly, you need to ask him what kind of old friend? Were you dating her? Did you ever sleep with her or have any sort of sexual relationship with her? If she is just a friend then why didn't you tell me about her? Why was I never introduced to her? Can I meet her? Why would you arrange to meet her after midnight? Why were you alone with her? How long have you been meeting her behind my back for?

This is a HUGE red flag so don't ignore it. It is possible he is having an emotional affair with her. And also possible that he is cheating with her. Of course he is going to lie and say nothing is going on so you may need to be sneaky to get the truth. You could approach her without him knowing and ask her is there anything going on between them. That is what I would do. You will find it easier to tell if she is lying than if he is.. You are too close to him and its too easy for him to manipulate you. However, if you approach her and she knows who you are and she is more than happy to talk to you, is friendly etc then that probably means there is nothing going on. If she doesnt know who you are, and gets defensive or tries to walk away from you-then yes he is a cheat

How long have you been together? How old are you both? How often do you see him?

[michelle23]

I'm glad you do. You should feel much better, because the phone on loudspeaker sounds extremely genuine. Also his eagerness to explain it also indicates he is telling the truth.

toknow no offence but you like thinking everyone is genuine. OP call his bluff and say yes do ring her and put her on loudspeaker and tell him not to let on that you are there.