Girlfriends moving away from ohio to oklahoma..

[rpm49]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now and we're both 20 and are both in love with each other. But she just recently told me that her cousins visited the other day. Her cousins are from Oklahoma and they have two kids probably around 3-5ish. She's moving next month to see if she likes it down there or not and im not sure how i should feel im torn between the feeling of sticking together through thick or thin and the thoughts of wow shes leaving her family, her grandparents (not taking it well at all) her sister that just had a baby last week and well me I suppose. As a boyfriend i cant force her to stay because that would be selfish of me and im not that kind of person to force my idea on a person in this situation. She works now at a small burrito restaurant making about 8 bucks an hour around 35 hrs. so with this she'd babysit their children a couple of days a week for $100. Also have a job or two and now shes thinking about going to college or school up there. So its either stay with her and plug though it even if shes gonna be there forever while im stuck in Ohio going to school for 3 more years. If anyone can help me with advice I would appreciate it, everyone here is saying dump here cause your so young but thats too hard of an option for me to realize so far. Thank you

[horndog]

honestly, I don't see her staying out there for very long. I give it a month or two at the most. However, If she decides to stay then your only real option if you want to be with her would be to follow her and finish your education out there. Of course, that may be financially very difficult when you consider living arrangements. Your best bet is to be supportive but sincere in your feelings and just ride it out until she come back. Whatever you do don't lose your level head and let stupid things come out of your mouth before and after she leave. You want her to love you, not loathe you while she is gone.

[rpm49]

The best post and advice i've gotten dog, after 20 some people its the most grown up and mature advice ive gotten thank you. although, i cant move out there nor can i go to college there i think thats out of the question...

[namemyname]

Her life sounds so limited where you are. Good for her for getting out - she seems to have some solid goals. And, good for you for not standing in the way!

What are you doing with your life?

[rpm49]

I'm going to College for Computer Forensics. got 3 years left.

[basilandthyme]

I wouldn't stand in her way. But I wouldn't continue the relationship either.....long distance is just a waste of time.

In short, I'd wish her luck but let her know that I would not be continuing the relationship long distance.

[namemyname]

whats computer forensics? never heard of it - sounds interesting.

[celestina]

I understand you won't break up because you love her and you want to be with her, but staying with her in a long distance relationship will be awfully, excruciatingly difficult, especially at your age. I'm in a long distance relationship and we're doing fine, better than expected even, but we're 30 and we both got our careers and lives going and we have our goals set, one of which is to live together by the end of next year. Do you and her have future goals whether it be together or individually? Do you know what you want out of life and out of the relationship? Does she?

Staying together in a long distance relationship is a commitment, and I don't know if you or her are ready for it. At 20, it's likely that one of you will meet someone else and fall for someone closer. I don't mean to be rude or negative, but the simplest path is often the best in life. If at some point in the long distance relationship things get too hard and painful between you too, the obvious, logical, easy way out would be for one of you, whomever first, to turn to somebody else who is more available for them. And at your age and because you're in school, you WILL meet other people. And so will she, in another town.

This being said, it is HER decision to go away and live elsewhere far from you. She must have thought this through, so she must know what she wants or doesn't want from you.

Now, I'm just throwing a theory out there: you're getting an education, a good three-year program, while she works at a burrito place at minimum wage? Maybe she thinks she's not good enough for you, and maybe she wants to get away from that feeling, that condition? I mean, they need babysitters where you are right now don't they? Not just in Oklahoma... But that's not the point. The point is that she wants to leave the frame she's stuck in right now, and it seems you may be a part of that frame too, unknowingly.

Maybe I got things all wrong. And also maybe she won't like it there and she'll be back quickly. But bear in mind that she HAS made the decision to leave... and that if things turn out well for her over there and that she has a good opportunity, she is ready to stay there and to leave you here, despite the fact that you two were in a serious 2-year long relationship. I think THIS is what you should be pondering over primarily.

Best of luck

[smackie9]

Just play it by ear....if things get too difficult you will know when to call it quits.

[surfhb2]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now and we're both 20 and are both in love with each other. But she just recently told me that her cousins visited the other day. Her cousins are from Oklahoma and they have two kids probably around 3-5ish. She's moving next month to see if she likes it down there or not and im not sure how i should feel im torn between the feeling of sticking together through thick or thin and the thoughts of wow shes leaving her family, her grandparents (not taking it well at all) her sister that just had a baby last week and well me I suppose. As a boyfriend i cant force her to stay because that would be selfish of me and im not that kind of person to force my idea on a person in this situation. She works now at a small burrito restaurant making about 8 bucks an hour around 35 hrs. so with this she'd babysit their children a couple of days a week for $100. Also have a job or two and now shes thinking about going to college or school up there. So its either stay with her and plug though it even if shes gonna be there forever while im stuck in Ohio going to school for 3 more years. If anyone can help me with advice I would appreciate it, everyone here is saying dump here cause your so young but thats too hard of an option for me to realize so far. Thank you

Im 44 so I guess its easy for me to say, but at this point in your life but you need to look at your priorities. Right now education is your number one. Obviously you think so too or youd be moving to Oklahoma. Doesnt sound like her prospect are that great there too ( Oklahoma has to be the worst place on the planet) but she obviously thinks her life would be better there....without you. Im sorry....this all sucks but you need to look at it that way.

I think shes made the decision for both of you in this situation.....shes the one breaking up with you.

There's hope though....once you find another girl you wont care. Always keep that in the back of your mind.

[basilandthyme]

Surf is right on. She's made a decision which will take her away from you. She'd rather be without you somewhere else than with you where you are.

[AbigailR]

First of all I'd just like to say that Oklahoma is not the worst place on the planet.

Now that that's out of the way.. I agree with surf and think y'all should call it quits.

[surfhb2]

It was such a lovely place, everybody up and moved to Bakersfield....

[smackie9]

Don't call it quits. She will be back before you know it.

[rpm49]

I just dont understand her logic its very puzzling to me, we're supposed to be planning a future and oklahoma definitly apart of being with out of me. Looks to me im not included in her plans although she did say i could come down and rent an apartment but im supposed to pick up and leave too? Financially that'd be impossible while going to school im already a bad student as it is and working 40hr a week and going to school thatd kill me. plus i look at it as a waste as i live with my parents and i work over the summer to pay for some bills and a car payment so i dont have enough money nor would i like to move to oklahoma.... of all places... but it will not work of she's going to move out there i just dont have it in me to wait 3 years and just skype and call thats crap.. so i wouldent mind waiting awhile like year or so but if shes gonna be down there and want to go to school atleast it wasnt me who up and left. She got this message about a week and a half and made her decision within that week so it was pretty quick. so im still wondering what that means if someone decides that QUICK cause her cousins said hey come down and a week later shes like o hey, blah blah gonna go to oklahoma sadface.. so..