Do you believe in monogamy?

[michelle23]

I am not asking whether you believe or not that humans are meant to be monogamous/non monogamous.

I am asking your honest opinion on whether you believe in monogamy for yourself personally? Do you choose to be monogamous to keep others happy? Would you rather not be? Are you happy being committed, loyal and faithful? Would you ever agree to an open relationship etc

Honest answers please and give details

Thanks

[4 ratties]

I'm very happy in my commited monogomous relationship. I turn 23 in a couple weeks so I am still young so of course there's a chance I may change when I'm older, but as of now I do not see myself willing to be in an open relationship. My boyfriend is 36 and never wanted an open relationship, so I think ill be okay. I think he would of at least entertained the idea before now at his age of 36. And he has never thought of it and would not be willing to do it at this time. I have issues with "feeling special" especially in relationships. I felt ignored and not special from my parents growing up and it really scarred me. So I need to feel special in a relationship and I don't think I would feel special if my boyfriend was doing what he does with me, with other people. I also want to have a baby next year and I think an open relationship would confuse a child. Maybe it wouldn't idk.. But for my own child, I would want him/her to see what a loving committed relationship looks like

[horndog]

That's not an easy question to answer as monogamy can literally mean different things to different people. In the simplest form I think most people believe in monogamy and have no problem practicing it. Its just how we are programmed socially and religiously, but not genetically. I personally choose to be monogamous because I love my wife. Besides, It seems like a awful lot of work to not be monogamous. Open relationships? well, that again is open to interpretation. My wife and I have been a happily married and monogamous couple for over twenty years. We by no means have an "open marriage" but did have a one time consensual swap with another couple. We still consider ourselves a monogamous couple although there certainly are those here who have called my wife some rather unflattering things for our behavior. I would never want to be in an open relationship but I do believe a couple can still be a monogamous couple if the "openness" is conducted together as a consenting couple. Love me or hate me, that's my personal opinion based upon personal experience.

[michelle23]

I personally believe that many humans are biologically monogamous. I have done my research on the topic and for most people with sex- comes emotions. I have studied the hormones oxytocin, vasopressin and dopamine in some detail and It made sense to me that we are monogamous beings. I know everyone has their own opinion though and I respect that. I doubt I would ever agree to any sort of open relationship. Monogamy all the way for me

[Wakeup]

We also prefer to be monogamous lovers, however: The world is not black and white, one does not have to be a narcissist to be non-monogamous as their nature nor do they need be sexually addicted to think outside chruch and society dictated dynamics or your (the general "your) own beliefs and boundaries. Not everyone is of one way.

Something of interest pertaining to the subject at hand:

http://www.livescience.com/27128-polyamory-myths-debunked.html

[michelle23]

WU the only people I believe are narcissistic or sex addicts are the ones who would f**k anyone single or attached and it means nothing to them. And I dont believe all cheaters are narcissistic or sex addicts-only serial cheaters

[Valixy]

I believe in monogamy. It comes naturally to me but I used to be a little bit judgemental about people who would agree on having an open relationship though until I met a dear friend of mine. I realised then that being a wonderful person has nothing to do with people's sexual views. This is her story, if any of you feel like reading it
She is originally from Russia, never knew her dad and had a physically abusive mother. When she was around 8-9 years of age, the school finally reported the mother because my friend couldn't come up with a different lie every time she was bruised or had an arm broken. She was put in a provisional centre for minors for some time which she recalls as being very violent but she says that it was where she learnt to stand up for herself. She has nice memories from the orphanage where she was placed later though, especially from her 'escapes'. Every now and then she would take a train and do a bit of travel. She had no ticket of course but she said that nothing bad ever happened because she was simply sent back to the orphanage. On one of her escapes, she visited a city and saw a circus advert that needed someone to look after the animals. Since she had always loved animals, she offered to do the job. She was 13-14 years old then and something extraordinary happened: the people from the circus decided to adopt her. There was a law around that time in Russia that allowed people to adopt an orphan if they were able to provide him with a home and a job preparation so everything was in her favour. Her life changed completely, she travelled all over Russia, became an artist and an animal tamer. Her photos from that time look like film scenes: wearing beautiful costumes, looking spectacular, working with tigers, snakes, feeding a baby bear...

At 20 she decided that she didn't want to spend all her life in a circus and came to Spain. She worked as a dancer in a night club where she met a nice guy who's a doctor and got married. They were happily married but after 8-9 years they started to have problems. Maybe the relationship stagnated or maybe they just wanted to experience something different and it was when they joined a swinging group. They had to pass several serious interviews for that until they were finally admitted. According to her, it was more than an interest in sex when all those married couples used to meet, sometimes they simply had a very good time together. A couple of years later their marriage was having problems again though and they separated and later got divorced. They're still very good friends.

That's when I met her and according to her she was feeling depressed for the first time in her life! She remains a mystery to me for being so strong, so happy and so optimistic in spite of everything that happened to her. I even talked about her with a psychologist once that told me that she might be one of the rare lucky people that are called 'the invulnerable' in psychology.

Maybe I should add that she has a very nice job that allows her to travel all the time, has been to so many places all over the world and after being single for 2-3 years she met a very nice guy, very rich too and she is happily married again. They have a beautiful child together and she is a wonderful mother. She is also a fantastic person that treats her friends as nothing else but family.

When she was 16, she started to do parachute jumps and she has done over a 100 parachute jumps in her life and whenever she needed some extra money when she was single she used to train dogs with problems and she was very good at that. She really is something

[TablesandChairs]

I believe in it but I think truly loving someone is necessary for monogamy be a thing that the person happily commits to. For anyone who has been in a relationship with someone they didn't really 'gel' with, being monogamous is more like an obligation.

[michelle23]

I believe in it but I think truly loving someone is necessary for monogamy be a thing that the person happily commits to. For anyone who has been in a relationship with someone they didn't really 'gel' with, being monogamous is more like an obligation.

lol that is why you break up. It did feel like an obligation with my ex coz I didnt want him and by the time we split, I hit the ground running, ready to get back into the dating world. If your unhappy leave asap. I learned that the hard way coz I was too nice and felt to guilty to just rip that band aid off quickly

[dickriculous]

I believe in doing whatever the fukk you want as long as you're not hurting people, whether that happens to be monogamy or an open relationship is of no consequence.

I've never understood this monogamy vs. open relationship argument. It's like making an issue out of which hand to jerk off with - da fuq does it matter as long as all participants are being true to themselves?

[michelle23]

I agree dick. The problem i have is some people use the argument "humans are not naturally monogamous" as an excuse to cheat, lie, decieve and hurt others. If they really and truly believe that then y pretend to be something there not? Y not just be honest and upfront from the start? Its usually because these people dont want their partner sleeping with others but want to themselves and one thing i hate is double standards.

Some people even use the argument that men are not naturally mongamous but women are which makes no sense.

The only reason years ago it was deemed socially acceptable for men to have more than one wife was because many men died at war which meant there were too many women left alone and husbandless. The population of women was far greater then men at the time and most women didnt work which left them vulnerable

[Hightower]

I believe in doing whatever the fukk you want as long as you're not hurting people, whether that happens to be monogamy or an open relationship is of no consequence.

I've never understood this monogamy vs. open relationship argument. It's like making an issue out of which hand to jerk off with - da fuq does it matter as long as all participants are being true to themselves?

You probably aren't going to be taken too seriously with this post since you are talking like you're from the ghetto, but never kid yourself about an "open relationship" somewhere along the line it is very possible for someone to get hurt. There is always one person who wants to do it a little bit more than the other one.

[michelle23]

You probably aren't going to be taken too seriously with this post since you are talking like you're from the ghetto, but never kid yourself about an "open relationship" somewhere along the line it is very possible for someone to get hurt. There is always one person who wants to do it a little bit more than the other one.

I think it depends really. If they meet and both decide and agree from day 1 to have an open relationship than it probably COULD work but only if they both are the type to just f**k and leave someone which I find distasteful but meh whatever floats their boat. Or if two people have a marriage of convenience that is just based around money or children then they both may be happy initially with an open relationship but eventually one of them will fall in love with someone else and then it is all over.. Id say it is rare that it would work long term. Most people crave more than sex. Most want to be loved and to love too and that is one thing that open relationships dont really provide.. How can they? How can you commit 100% to anyone if your always looking around for your next lay? Id say it takes from the intimacy of the couple and they are likely not as close as two monogamous people are. Just my opinion

[dickriculous]

You probably aren't going to be taken too seriously with this post since you are talking like you're from the ghetto, but never kid yourself about an "open relationship" somewhere along the line it is very possible for someone to get hurt. There is always one person who wants to do it a little bit more than the other one.

If anyone is enough of a short sighted dumbass to read "da fuq" and determine based on that alone "oh the content of this post is invalid no matter what the poster is actually saying" then their opinions mean nothing to me. As for it being very possible for someone to get hurt, how is that any less true of a monogamous relationship? For that matter, how is "there's always one person who wants to do it a little bit more than the other one" any less true of a monogamy?

[TablesandChairs]

People are so different; despite us being incredulous, polygamy can work when two people genuinely want it. Those relationships have issues, just as monogamous relationships have issues.

I find staying faithful to one person very easy when I love them (and genuinely like them as a person) but I've also experienced not genuinely liking the person I was with and in that relationship, being unfaithful, had my moral compass not gotten in the way, would have been easy.