Guys: Explain the mindset behind guys doing this...

[namemyname]

Uhm, remember, this is your thread.. if it wasn't a big deal.. this thread wouldn't be here. You're arguing every point, defending him, defending yourself... and still at the end of the day you came here looking for advice.

Unless you just wanted to come tell us all a story. I like stories.... would have been better if you added a dragon and at least one sex scene though.... because I think you lost all of us somewhere down the line. I personally, thought this was an advice thread.

Yeah, it was my thread. Did you read any of what I wrote? Doesn't look like it. Much like the others...

This was all settled two days ago, but again, no one, including you, cared to absorb that.

[LifeInflux]

Since very few seem to have actually read what I wrote days ago, and instead wanted to indulge their own scenarios... lol

Yeah, it was my thread. Did you read any of what I wrote? Doesn't look like it. Much like the others...

This was all settled two days ago, but again, no one, including you, cared to absorb that.

Only because you've still been replying...fervently... and wasn't it just a few of your posts ago that you said you've seen her posts about what they've been doing? And you don't think they're romantic or platonic? That doesn't sound like someone who's just letting thing be. Nonetheless it is what it is... and all I know is what you've told me here.. I have no idea what else might be going on behind the scenes...


* and I still think it needs a dragon.

[namemyname]

Only because you've still been replying...fervently... and wasn't it just a few of your posts ago that you said you've seen her posts about what they've been doing? And you don't think they're romantic or platonic? That doesn't sound like someone who's just letting thing be. Nonetheless it is what it is... and all I know is what you've told me here.. I have no idea what else might be going on behind the scenes...


* and I still think it needs a dragon.

Yes, I am, and I should stop, because it's truly nutty.

I said says ago I told him we can't communicate anymore, and that was it. Done.

I honestly have NO idea why we needed 4 more pages after that. Yes, I defended him - who wouldn't? The guy was being thrown under the bus and accused of heinous present and future behavior - none of which is actually known. Maybe you guys are entirely right about him. Maybe I'm entirely right. But, at this juncture - NO ONE knows. I was just playing counterpoint to the silly imagined scenarios of what's going actually going on. The responses should have been like Wakeups - to say, "hey, good call on stopping things, see what happens down the road."

Yep, saw what she posted over the weekend, and I said you couldn't tell from those posts if things were romantic nor platonic - they were generic - could be either in reality. What does that signify exactly, though? Honestly, I did it to see if I could corroborate his story. It was a way to verify before trust.

[Slipsonic]

lol This is why Im 30 and single. People over analyze the most minute things and jump to conclusions (for better or worse) and then argue over things that are completely unknown and miniscule.
Name, I don't blame you for asking questions and trying to piece together the facts of this situation to get a clearer picture of whats going on. You like him so (if I were in the same situation) it would be impossible not to analyze and possibly over analyze the facts. Of course you're going to be thinking about it.

All you have to do is sit back and wait (which is what you said you are already doing) and he will either contact you or he wont. If he does, meet him. If hes a good guy and he wants to see where it goes with you he will tell you on his own what happened with the other woman, maybe not details, but just that its not going to work out. If he meets you and doesnt mention it, ask him.
Not in a confrontational way, but just a "hey, so how did it go with <other woman>" If he is honest with you either way then you have your answer, but if he downplays it but says he's seeing her again, while remaining interested in you, there's your red flag.
Texting you that much in a week, meeting her in person, and then meeting you in person would be enough for any guy to make a decision. (at least it would be for me) If you meet him but he continues to act unsure, drop him.

More people need to be optimistic and give others the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. I dont mean trust strangers fully, but just remain neutral. If someone has a guilty until proven innocent mentality and are always looking for a reason a guy is a douche, then every guy is automatically a Douche.

Whether he will text when he gets back wanting to meet you is still up in the air....

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Male insight...I hope all you want is a **** buddy.

[Millie]

I honestly have NO idea why we needed 4 more pages after that.... The responses should have been like Wakeups - to say, "hey, good call on stopping things, see what happens down the road."

This thread would not be out of place in The Twilight Zone, honestly.

Nevertheless, a couple of points...

Of the 90 odd posts in this thread you wrote 40 of them hun, so, pots and kettles and all that.

Also, would that be WakeUp, the same person who thanked Flux for his initial post... Flux being the person whose post you labelled 'just silly'...

Odd.

[smackie9]

Ya I agree there is no need for page after page of negative speculation.

I doubt he will drag this out much longer. Once he is back, and you two get to meet, then he will decide....it's pretty simple. Just keep the communication honest and straight forward and there shouldn't be any problems. Let's just wait and see eh.

[Wakeup]

This thread would not be out of place in The Twilight Zone, honestly.

Nevertheless, a couple of points...

Of the 90 odd posts in this thread you wrote 40 of them hun, so, pots and kettles and all that.

Also, would that be WakeUp, the same person who thanked Flux for his initial post... Flux being the person whose post you labelled 'just silly'...

Odd.

Not odd at all, Millie. He makes good points that Name should keep in mind when she goes forward. So I thought his post was helpful.. Name makes good points that it's all speculation (includes her own). What's silliy, is trying to push on her that he's going to **** her over when none of us know that ... at this point.

Keep us updated, name since we all seem to be so "concerned" for you

[namemyname]

lol This is why Im 30 and single. People over analyze the most minute things and jump to conclusions (for better or worse) and then argue over things that are completely unknown and miniscule.
Name, I don't blame you for asking questions and trying to piece together the facts of this situation to get a clearer picture of whats going on. You like him so (if I were in the same situation) it would be impossible not to analyze and possibly over analyze the facts. Of course you're going to be thinking about it.

All you have to do is sit back and wait (which is what you said you are already doing) and he will either contact you or he wont. If he does, meet him. If hes a good guy and he wants to see where it goes with you he will tell you on his own what happened with the other woman, maybe not details, but just that its not going to work out. If he meets you and doesnt mention it, ask him.
Not in a confrontational way, but just a "hey, so how did it go with <other woman>" If he is honest with you either way then you have your answer, but if he downplays it but says he's seeing her again, while remaining interested in you, there's your red flag.
Texting you that much in a week, meeting her in person, and then meeting you in person would be enough for any guy to make a decision. (at least it would be for me) If you meet him but he continues to act unsure, drop him.

More people need to be optimistic and give others the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. I dont mean trust strangers fully, but just remain neutral. If someone has a guilty until proven innocent mentality and are always looking for a reason a guy is a douche, then every guy is automatically a Douche.

Whether he will text when he gets back wanting to meet you is still up in the air....

LOl. Seriously.

Why are your comments just so calm and rational? Rather than the hysterical, "OMG, he's going to hurt you, he's a player, run, he just wants to shag you, he's a dirtbag, he has women all over, ad naseum..." yawn.

I agreed with you days ago, and I still do. I think you're one of the few who's not only been paying attention, but actually listening, so, thank you again.

I think it's the suppositions, assumptions and attacks made on all of it that is so perplexing. In many ways, it was fascinating to see the histrionic gang mentality at work. Considering none of us know what's going on with him and her, and none of us know what's going on in his mind or heart, it's still amazing how many conclusions were drawn. The only mindset we know has been mine, and I *thought* (though apparently not) I was clear that I liked him, but I didn't like the situation, hence why I disengaged, and said from that point, I was going to hang back and see how it unfolded. I know my boundaries, and he does as well (now). I'm not going to be chatting or dating him if he's seeing someone else. Period.

Not sure why something that was so easy to follow (to some - lol), needed to be so melodramatic and silly.

[namemyname]

Ya I agree there is no need for page after page of negative speculation.

I doubt he will drag this out much longer. Once he is back, and you two get to meet, then he will decide....it's pretty simple. Just keep the communication honest and straight forward and there shouldn't be any problems. Let's just wait and see eh.

Thank you, Smackie!

I agree, he won't drag this out. Either he's going to further a commitment to her, or he's going to walk it back and perhaps we'll meet. If we do, and the vibe in person is strong, then yeah, he has some house cleaning to do before we move forward. And if there's no connection, then he's lost nothing, and I have a new friend.

I think he's been pretty honest, Smackie, I do. If he was looking to play her and I, he never would have told me about her up front. Nor told her that I existed, either.

Not odd at all, Millie. He makes good points that Name should keep in mind when she goes forward. So I thought his post was helpful.. Name makes good points that it's all speculation (includes her own). What's silliy, is trying to push on her that he's going to **** her over when none of us know that ... at this point.

Keep us updated, name since we all seem to be so "concerned" for you

Ha! And I feel that, Wakeup!

I think healthy skepticism should exist when dating anyone. No matter how you meet them, and under what circumstances. I'm naturally suspicious of everyone's intentions, to a degree, so I date with a bit of a "watch and see" kind of bent. Not necessarily looking for things, but not ignoring the obvious, either.

It would be just as foolish to assume he's the love of my life, and we'll drive off into the sunset, as much as it is to assume he's a cheating, lying pig. I never said the former was a given, so not sure why the latter became the reality.

[Slipsonic]

Any updates? When does he get back? I'm really interested to see what happens!