Guys: Explain the mindset behind guys doing this...

[Wakeup]

Michelle: You HAVE made your points and some of them are good one's to consider if she's going to go forward with this guy. You push and you push and you push. Let it go. She knows your views. You push so much that people start to tune you out because of your obsession with making your point.

I agree with a lot of what you've said but what you're saying is no more truth then what Name is saying when she defends him. It's ALL just words to her at this point, without actions. Let her find out on her own while hopfully taking into consideration the things she doesn't want to hear when/if he's showing her that he's just setting her up to be his at home girl while he (travels for business) to where the other girl is.

Most people want to be positive until its PROVEN that your nagativity has warrant.

[michelle23]

Michelle: You HAVE made your points and some of them are good one's to consider if she's going to go forward with this guy. You push and you push and you push. Let it go. She knows your views. You push so much that people start to tune you out because of your obsession with making your point.

I agree with a lot of what you've said but what you're saying is no more truth then what Name is saying when she defends him. It's ALL just words to her at this point, without actions. Let her find out on her own while hopfulling taking into consideration the things she doesn't want to hear when/if he's showing her that he's just setting her up to be his at home girl while he (travels for business) to where the other girl is.

Most people want to be positive until its PROVEN that your negativity has warrant.

I'm not trying to push my opinion on her. She responded to me each time so I wrote back. You have just as many posts in this thread as I do. If she wants to go for it, fine.I hope it does work out for her. I'm not trying to be negative here either. I am simply just backing up what I said in my first post and giving reasons why I feel she should be wary of this guy and that she should take the other girls feelings into consideration too. There are red flags here-there is no denying that. I was just explaining what I think they are. And i wouldn't have wrote another post if she didn't respond to me.

[Wakeup]

I stopped pushing when it was quite obvious that she will be taking into consideration what he does with the other girl. Stop denying, it's tiresome. Stop trying to divert what I say back to me... it's immature. How about just once you stop trying to have the last word? You don't know how to end a conversation. You can write another post by summing up and then after you say things like" This thread is boring me now, I'm out." You actually leave. lol She responded to what I said and I had no need to push my own agenda on her any further after advising that she keep her eyes open ... Unlike You.

[LifeInflux]

I think whats truly going on here Namemyname is that the assumptions you're accusing us of, really are more assumptions you have of this guy you're trying to see.

This isn't a situation where you are casually dating a few people and he's casually dating a few people locally.... this is a situation where he's flown out to meet someone and he's going to be there for a good span of time.


You can assume that he's going there just to date, and assume they haven't slept together, and assume its not a relationship, and assume he is going to come back and hang out with you, and assume he isn't just interested in sex, but its all assumptions because you haven't been talking to him all that long, and you have no lasting rapport with him.

You don't know what he's said to this other girl, or what the nature of their relationship will end up being... and you can't even be certain he'd tell you the truth if something did happen between them but he decided to come back and mess around with you too.


People here are giving you advice to what they feel would be the best solution to hurt you in the least... you're fighting it every step of the way. In the end you'll do whatever you want. If you want us to tell you this dude is legit, and he's not going to hurt you with his time away with another woman, which could very well happen often and none of us would be the wiser, I guess we could all forget our instincts and just do that....... you'll do whatever you want to do regardless of what we say anyways.

good luck.

[namemyname]

Im a guy. Let me chime in. I can tell you what i do and what i think. Firstly if im talking to a girl that much ie 900 messages a week then yes i wouldnt be doing that for a ****. Boy i must really like her if im investing that much time. Other guys may be different.

but also he has a girl he has flown over to see. Yet again i wouldnt spend 2 months talking to a girl in another state and fly out there if i wasnt really into her let alone spend a week with her. Thats not dating. He must really like her to fly over for a girl trust me on that.

Your a silly girl for getting involved but maybe he does really like you a lot and doesnt just want sex. Like i said every guy is different. All i know is you are in control of your life. You make the decisions in your life. You take the risks and deals with it. Sometimes life isnt fair and you get messed around but you have all the information you have here and if i was a female with tits i.e you i would walk away and meet another guy in real life. Yes it may work out with him and 50 years down the road you still.tigether with kids telling us we go it wrong. But i play by percentages and percentage tells me move on. This isnt the drama you need. Then agaun im not you and maybe you like drama

Well, of course he liked her enough to go meet her. That's obvious, yes? Doesn't everyone have to have some interest in a person to expend any energy to meet them? I also agree if you spent 2 months interacting with a person, that's sign of a significant interest as well. I would like to think he wasn't the type who flies around the nation meeting women indiscriminantly. I would like to think you're right - that he liked her a lot to fly to meet her. But again, isn't that the point of dating?

But, for anyone who has done internet dating or met someone online, the interaction you have before meeting isn't reality. It's quite easy, and common, to get carried away with the fantasy of someone, which, I can say from doing OLD, often doesn't match what you envision in your head (to varying degrees). Who knows what happened when he actually met her. From where I'm sitting, it doesn't seem like it went *that* well (for him). Before her went there, he was pretty gung ho on her, saying she was a great catch, there were lots of good things about her, etc., to not being sure how it was going to go anywhere. I do give him credit for not sharing with me what's going on. I really don't care to know the details, honestly.

But, it bears repeating - it's very possible he met her, and it just didn't click the way he hoped. From both sides - who knows. Wouldn't he be a dick to tell me this? I think so. It's not my business, and I like that he's respectful enough to NOT say anything potentially negative about her.

I think the fact he had to fly to meet her is someone making people think it's more significant. If she were local, they chatted for 2 months, then met, and he was "meh" and then chatting me up, I'm sure people wouldn't be so hard on him (or me). They would say, "oh, he's had a few dates with her, go meet him and see how it goes." Some people travel for a living and fly a good deal - I did for YEARS. It wasn't unusual for me to fly cross-country for a night to have dinner with friends, so I guess to me, flying to stay in a hotel, do business, see some friends, and yes, finally meet and date a girl you've been chatting with and very interested in meeting is not a big deal.

[namemyname]

Ummm, okay well I wasn't aware I'd made any assumptions at all, much less the lofty kind the only thing that could qualify is that I did take it as a given that the girl in question would be somewhat upset if she knew he'd been texting you as frequently as he has been, which is less an assumption and more the impression I got based on our conversation about things before you created this thread. If I got that wrong I apologize.

Oh and again, for the record, I'm not assuming that he need break things off with her before investigating potential with you, I just happen to think that's the right thing to do when you 'care' about someone, especially when it's someone who's blissfully ignorantly posting about their 'dates' on social networking sites.

That's because *I* said I wouldn't like it if my BF did that. I have no idea what her boundaries are. Heck, he said she was fine that he and I were meeting for the sport, so perhaps she's not the type to care.

Again, no one knows what's going on with them. It's all pure conjecture, for the most part, besides the little pieces I've been able to suss out over and above what he's told me.

So, what do you think he should have done, then? Flown home a week ago? Again, he has other reasons to be there besides her. And again, no one knows what going on between them, but them. Yep, she's posting about what they're doing, but I can't say her commentary could be construed as romantic, nor platonic. More like, "we went to a movie and had a lot of fun!". Just reporting.

[michelle23]

I stopped pushing when it was quite obvious that she will be taking into consideration what he does with the other girl. Stop denying, it's tiresome. Stop trying to divert what I say back to me... it's immature. How about just once you stop trying to have the last word? You don't know how to end a conversation. You can write another post by summing up and then after you say things like" This thread is boring me now, I'm out." You actually leave. lol She responded to what I said and I had no need to push my own agenda on her any further after advising that she keep her eyes open ... Unlike You.

Why are you so obsessed with my posts. I don't have any agenda. I am at work with nothing to do, I come on here coz I find this forum interesting and I like talking to people as I am on my own 6 days a week all day. You keep making me feel unwelcome here and everything I say is bloody contradicted. If I find a better forum, I am out of here coz I don't come on here to argue with you and dog and anon and now name. Its ridiculous. I have been on other forums and people don't spend all day and all night arguing with each other on them. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine and this is a FORUM. I should be allowed write what I want within reason. Stop psycho analyzing me. I dont care about getting the last word but when someone writes directly to me-I am going to respond.

You can have the last word this time coz I am sick of this.

[Wakeup]

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

You have lots of good insight but you push. I like to push too, but I know to stop under two conditions:

1) when the Op is a stupid git who ain't gonna learn until the experience what is more then likely going to happen.
2) when the Op has shown that they are not a stupid git and they have a head on their shoulder enough to consider.

Your main goal appears to be to get your own words out there and if they are'nt agreed to, you keep at it until the op or another poster tells you about it.

YOU don't take into consideration anything said to you but you want to Op to take into consideration what you say ad nauseum. That's all I'm saying here.

[Millie]

That's because *I* said I wouldn't like it if my BF did that. I have no idea what her boundaries are. Heck, he said she was fine that he and I were meeting for the sport, so perhaps she's not the type to care.

Again, no one knows what's going on with them. It's all pure conjecture, for the most part, besides the little pieces I've been able to suss out over and above what he's told me.

So, what do you think he should have done, then? Flown home a week ago? Again, he has other reasons to be there besides her. And again, no one knows what going on between them, but them. Yep, she's posting about what they're doing, but I can't say her commentary could be construed as romantic, nor platonic. More like, "we went to a movie and had a lot of fun!". Just reporting.

Actually no that's not why, but as you wish. Good luck with things

[michelle23]

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

Its not the same thing. Its only you who keeps saying what you said above. Dog is literally like a dog with a bone on the whole friendship thing but I will put him on ignore.

[Wakeup]

Its not the same thing. Its only you who keeps saying what you said above. Dog is literally like a dog with a bone on the whole friendship thing but I will put him on ignore.

I added to that post (and, I thought you said *I* could have the last word? )

BTW: You are the one that mentioned all the people who are now on your back, not me. It might not be for the same reasons I am on your back about... point is, they are on your back.

Anyway... put me on ignore too... god knows I had you on ignore for awhile until you were being quoted and I couldn't ignore the same things being said to you that I've said in the past.

Just consider that and I'm out....

[namemyname]

I think whats truly going on here Namemyname is that the assumptions you're accusing us of, really are more assumptions you have of this guy you're trying to see.

This isn't a situation where you are casually dating a few people and he's casually dating a few people locally.... this is a situation where he's flown out to meet someone and he's going to be there for a good span of time.


You can assume that he's going there just to date, and assume they haven't slept together, and assume its not a relationship, and assume he is going to come back and hang out with you, and assume he isn't just interested in sex, but its all assumptions because you haven't been talking to him all that long, and you have no lasting rapport with him.

You don't know what he's said to this other girl, or what the nature of their relationship will end up being... and you can't even be certain he'd tell you the truth if something did happen between them but he decided to come back and mess around with you too.


People here are giving you advice to what they feel would be the best solution to hurt you in the least... you're fighting it every step of the way. In the end you'll do whatever you want. If you want us to tell you this dude is legit, and he's not going to hurt you with his time away with another woman, which could very well happen often and none of us would be the wiser, I guess we could all forget our instincts and just do that....... you'll do whatever you want to do regardless of what we say anyways.

good luck.

This is just kinda silly.

All of it, really.

I have said repeatedly, days ago even, that I told him I didn't want to communicate while he was there and with her. Period. He understands my boundaries, and has respected that (minus the text yesterday - lol).

I have no desire nor interest in dating someone who is dating other people. That is why I don't want to engage with him right now.

I have also said, repeatedly, that this will resolve one way or another soon enough. And until then, things are stalled. Maybe they will pick up again, maybe not. Who knows.

What's really disturbing, however, is the amount of drama, assumptions and accusations people have hurled at him, or me. He isn't trying to date me, nor f*ck me. I'm not trying to date him, nor f*ck him. Neither of us is trying to hurt, betray, nor deceive the woman he's visiting/dating/screwing - whatever (and no, I am not in denial about what they *may* be doing. I just know it's not my concern right now).

What has happened is that he went to meet a girl. While meeting said girl, he forged some kind of connection with another girl. Why it happened, what it means, what the future is, no one knows.

For now, he's not a friend, he's not a potential lover nor date. He's not someone I'm communicating with at all. He's just a guy who I clicked with at a REALLY inopportune time, and a guy who I put the brakes on for just such a reason.

I've shelved him, he's shelved me. If things become uncomplicated in his life, then we can see about moving forward and meeting. He also very well could come back to town and tell me he's moving to her city, the connection was that strong, and honestly, I'd be happy for him. He's a good guy.

But good Lord, the posts here and just stunning in their magnitude. I don't think 99% of the posters have read what I wrote about where I'm at with this. Perhaps Wakeup, because I posted specifically on TUE to tell her that I had told him there would be no more communicating, as it simply wasn't right. And that's how I left it with HIM. So, everything that has come after that on here, is seriously just crap, because none of it is the reality of what I'm doing with this. Some are acting like he's engaged, and I'm the other woman, and he's coming home to bang me, while he keeps up his relationship with her. It's just insane, it really, truly is.

So no, I don't understand the "advice" given, I really don't, because it's all based on hypotheticals. I'm fighting what, exactly?

I'm sitting tight, living my life, not engaging with him, and open to see what happens down the line.

[LifeInflux]

This is just kinda silly.

I'm sitting tight, living my life, not engaging with him, and open to see what happens down the line.

Uhm, remember, this is your thread.. if it wasn't a big deal.. this thread wouldn't be here. You're arguing every point, defending him, defending yourself... and still at the end of the day you came here looking for advice.

Unless you just wanted to come tell us all a story. I like stories.... would have been better if you added a dragon and at least one sex scene though.... because I think you lost all of us somewhere down the line. I personally, thought this was an advice thread.

[michelle23]

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

You have lots of good insight but you push. I like to push too, but I know to stop under two conditions:

1) when the Op is a stupid git who ain't gonna learn until the experience what is more then likely going to happen.
2) when the Op has shown that they are not a stupid git and they have a head on their shoulder enough to consider.

Your main goal appears to be to get your own words out there and if they are'nt agreed to, you keep at it until the op or another poster tells you about it.

YOU don't take into consideration anything said to you but you want to Op to take into consideration what you say ad nauseum. That's all I'm saying here.

Point taken. I will just say that I have learned a lot since I joined here and I too stop when I realize that OP is either a troll or stupid and I too think some people need to learn their lesson the hard way. I respect other peoples opinions on things but sometimes it irritates me when people pick things out of my posts and twist them which is why I keep responding and trying to explain myself (like with crazy and dog) but its stupid and a waste of time coz no matter what I say they find something to use against me to back up their point. We agree on a lot of things WU and I don't want to spend my time here arguing with you. I just want to say that I don't try to irritate or annoy anyone here. I dont come here to argue.

[namemyname]

Since very few seem to have actually read what I wrote days ago, and instead wanted to indulge their own scenarios... lol

Wake Up - you'll be pleased to know I told him today I didn't want to continue to communicate further while he was seeing someone.

So, now if he winds up single, he'll know how to reach me, and if not, then I hope he is happy.

Well, I put a kibosh on it today, as I told him I didn't think it was right to text while he was there, and not as much as we have been. He understood. I'm sure he doesn't want to come off like a dirtbag. It's just a bad spot to be in all the way around.

I guess now all I can is wait until he gets home, and if he's single, then we can meet. Otherwise...

No, I agree - you don't know someone before you meet and get to experience them in reality.