dating a separated man

[tracie.michelle]

For the past few months I've been dating a guy who is still married but had left his wife when he found out she was cheating. Him and I were doing perfect until about a week ago and he started acting weird. He wouldn't respond to any of my texts unless I sent him a few. He's 21 and I am 20. He's been married to her for a year but they'd been dating off an on for 3 years prior, and they have a 2 year old son. He has told me multiple times that he just misses seeing his son every day, and that is the reason that he decided he wanted to try to fix the marriage. He just completely dropped me, but he hasn't moved back in with her yet. A lot of his stuff is still at her house, but he's been paying rent and staying with a friend. He told me he's sorry and that we rushed into it and he just needed some time because he's confused about what he wants. I don't need the lecture about how I shouldn't have got involved with a married man. I think I have him a little upset now because of my texting him all the time. So I haven't done anything for about a day and a half. Him and I were so happy and I am completely crushed now. I cry all the time and can't sleep and I hardly eat. I understand I need to give him some space, but how long should I avoid contact and when I try to talk to him again, how should I go about it so that he'll actually talk to me? Personally I think he owes me to at least be civil and have a legit conversation about it. I'm just so lost right now. Please help.

[TAEHSAEN]

You must feel terrible right now and I am sorry for your situation.

I think its best for both of you that you see other men... Try using an online dating site like OKcupid (I think its free but not sure), Match.com or eharmony... There you can find guys who match your personality type.

A guy who would betray his marriage to date another woman CANNOT be a good person. His wife probably cheated on him because he cheated on her first.


Leave him. He's an asshole. Its just that you like him so much you can't see him. But a guy like that is NOT what you want.

[TAEHSAEN]

Think about it. If a guy can cheat on his wife so easily within an year, what makes you think he'd be faithful to you?


I'm sure he felt the same way about his Ex when he got married to her, the way you feel about him now. But look what he did with his marriage.

YOU DO NOT WANT HIM. Trust me. Let him sort out his own mess.

[tracie.michelle]

he wasn't cheating, she was going out with other guys too

[TAEHSAEN]

honestly, from personal experience I know that there are plenty of guys out there who would be much much better to you than this guy ever could.


You seem like an 'attached' person by looking at how you are still desperate to make things work with him, and that is a REALLY REALLY GOOD THING


There are many guys out there who wants a girl who thinks about them all the time, so you really don't want someone like this.

Just play it all out in your mind. Even if he comes back to you, do you think it would ever end well with this guy? You will just experience a heartbreak at the end of this.

Trust me tracie, you'll find a 10X better guy within a month if you just look. Don't go to bars to find good guys to date, go to more civil places like the park OR GO TO ONLINE DATING SITES!!! (Thats my plan to get myself a girl someday!! )

Trust me, usually non drunkard guys take time to create proper profiles in those sites so chances are you will find a good match.

Plus, dating another guy will help you forget about this one.

[TAEHSAEN]

And I hope you don't get offended when I said you seem to be 'attached'. Its a GREAT GREAT quality and I actually look for that in girls haha so trust me you're good! ^_^

[tracie.michelle]

I don't feel like I could see anyone else when I Just want him but I appreciate the compliment. I treated him perfectly and I thought it was going to last.

[TAEHSAEN]

aww that's very sweet of you

You did your best. But logically speaking it just wouldn't have lasted... I think the best I can think of is for you to wait it out.

I personally will not give any advice to you about how to get back with him because I believe that you should not do so (for the sake of your own happiness).



You deserve better. A guy who breaks off his marriage, would do it again. In fact, becomes easier to do so once you do it the first time.

Its really good to know that you're sad because it shows that you have a heart. But we both know he isn't a great person because a better guy would have worked his ass off to fix his marriage rather than copping out and dating other people.

Give it time and try and get over him. Start watching Arrested Development or Game of Thrones to distract yourself in the time being (they're great shows, you'll LOVE THEM trust me ^_^ ). If you google around, you can actually find all the episodes free online (just work your way through the ads).


And I know im repeating myself here, but trust me, FORCE YOURSELF to create a profile in OK Cupid / match / eharmony.. EVEN IF you don't want to right now. once you see how much a guy might match up with your personality, you'd be much more open to seeing other people and you'll get over this guy in no time.

[tracie.michelle]

no matter how many people tell me not to contact him, I know how hard headed I am and I know I'm gonna try again. I'm already hurt so it can't get much worse :/

Thank you for continuing to give me advice though

[Starnique]

he wasn't cheating, she was going out with other guys too

That's what he told you! I'd like to hear what the wife has to say about this. As oppose to jumping into another relationship, you should take time out for yourself. It's never good to get out of a relationship and jump into another one. Why? Just look at how your guy did you. Their married so his priorities is with his wife. Never expect more out of a guy that has unfinished business elsewhere. You need to let it go and move on and don't get involved with him again or else you will keep getting hurt and denied when the shit hits the fan.

[JoeyJR]

You need to cut this guy off out of your life asap for your souls sake.

Being with this dude is unhealthy dont pursue in anyway anymore. No closure nothing.

Cut all contact. Wipe him out of your life completely. Move on.

[WatchmansMoon]

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Even if this guy's wife was cheating on him (and you can't really believe everything a cheating man says about his wife, can you?), I don't know of any marriage vows that go something like "as long as you're faithful to me alone, I'll be faithful to you alone." A promise is a promise, two wrongs don't make a right, etc. I think you've heard enough of us saying this whole relationship is bad news for you, bad news for him, his child, his wife. He may never get his life straightened out, but you sure can! Do you think hanging on here is going to make you feel better any time soon? Cutting your losses now may be the least painful route for you, friend. Hugs!