How to Act When You Have Feelings For A Guy And He's The Shy Type

[Elle_ephant02]

Hi everybody,

My name is Elle and I'm 22 and completely inexperienced with men and dating.

I'm currently in school and have met someone there that I've gradually fallen "crazy in love" with. My first impression of him was that he's a little awkward and not very social. He ended up in the same friend group with me and I got to know him a little better. He laughs, jokes around, seems normal. As I started wondering about him, mutual friends were telling me that they think he's really shy and inexperienced with girls. I'm still unsure about this since he seems so normal when we are all hanging out in a group. At first he would talk with me the same as with everyone else. After a while, friends started approaching him and encouraging him to ask me out. He immediately shut down and for several weeks we completely ignored each other. There were times where I would come into a conversation he was having with other people and he would find an excuse to walk away. Then I'd find him looking at me from across the room. I had no idea what he was thinking or why he was acting this way. I finally called him up and apologized for making him uncomfortable and he told me (sounding nervous like a middle school-er and going "ummmm" a lot) he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend. I accepted that he didn't feel the same way, was a little heartbroken but happy that we had finally talked about it. Our interactions returned to normal for the most part.

One day I was talking with his sister and she brought it up. She said I had intimidated him and she thought that everyone asking him about me had made him that much more uncomfortable and had caused him to turn me down. She also said he doesn't talk about girls with her a lot and she didn't think he was very experienced with them. This made me think about all the times people told me he was shy and I started to think, maybe he is!

Now I'm noticing things such as - I will approach our table in the cafeteria and he will move to come stand near or right next to me but won't actually face me or look at me. When I turn to talk to someone on my other side and then turn back, I'll see his head turn away and I know he was just looking at me. It confuses me and makes me a little sad that he still feels awkward around me.

My obvious question is: does it sound like he is still scared/awkward/uncomfortable around me because he feels bad about turning me down or is there a chance he might be interested and I've scared the poor thing with my bold behavior? Also, any advice on how to continue pursuing him if he is indeed shy and experienced would be appreciated. I have very little experience with shy guys (or just guys period) and would be happy to read someone elses thoughts and experiences. (And if it helps, I've tried talking with him through AIM to see if that's easier for him than in person but he actually responds to me more in person than online. This makes me think he's not actually that shy because talking to someone online is easier).

Thanks in advance! - Elle B

[Empty Road]

Just take the initiative to get him to go do stuff with you. When I was 15, I was quite shy around girls. My first girlfriend had to make all the moves. She lead and I follow.

So what is it about him that you like?

[Elle_ephant02]

I have tried. He works fulltime and goes to school fulltime so he never has the time to hang out with me. I thought it was just me (since things seem awkward between us) but he doesn't really hang out with anyone else in our friend group outside of school. :/ Any tips?

How did your first girlfriend approach you? Did she just come out and explain that she liked you?

I haven't had a chance to get to know him well enough yet. But I like how he is very hardworking, determined, and family-oriented. He makes me laugh and has a great sense of humor. Since things became weird between us though, he doesn't show his personality as much.

[Empty Road]

How did your first girlfriend approach you? Did she just come out and explain that she liked you?

She saw me at the library and ask for my number. Then we talk almost every night. Eventually we hang out at a local pizza place and went for a walk. She held my hand, first time holding a girl's hand. Then after our date, she gave me a good bye kiss. I'm glad she took the initiatives because it help me be more comfortable around her.

If he's going school full time and works full time, maybe he's not focus on having a relationship since he has no time for one. I think you will have to put this pursuit on the backburner. Just continue to be his friend and perhaps someday an opportunity will presents itself.

[Unusual]

I was very shy and yes