Break up email?

[TablesandChairs]

It's hard to know whose perspective bares more weight. His side makes you look like a lazy, pesky user. Your side makes him look deranged, like someone whose laughing one minute, raging the next.

If you're right then I would get away asap...someone so volatile and uncertain is not someone you want to be with long term. Also, if he's been able to fake it for 3 years...then there's something wrong with him.

If you stay, you risk him turning around in a month or 1 year and sending you another email outlining how you're draining his life and not allowing him to break up with you.

Go home, lady. Know when you're not wanted and say 'thanks and bye'.

[SEsunshine]

Has your bf said all of this before? Has he tried to break up with you? Has he begged you to get a job?

It sounds to me like he feels that you are taking advantage of him, spending all his money and preventing him from seeing his family..

Why cant you work? I think that is not true. As long as you are not there illegally-then you can get a working VISA.

It is wrong to be so dependent on this man. Go home to your family, learn to stand on your own two feet. If you were married with 2 or 3 kids-then yes, it would be okay for him to provide for you and your kids coz being a mum and running a home is like a full time job. However, you have no children, you are not married and you are completely dependent on him.

I don't blame him for dumping you. He is thinking about his future and he can no longer see you as his future wife-probably because he thinks you are lazy and a user

I understand that it's not okay to rely on him 100% financially and how this could put a strain on our relationship. When he was trying to convince me to move here with him I told him I was concerned that it may not be easy for me to find a job in my field. He assured me that he would have no problem supporting me for at least a year if not longer if we decided to stay in this country. I was reluctant and asked him several times if he was sure and he said yes. I told him my concerns that he may leave me because of this down the line and he said it wouldn't happen.

Since moving here I have also brought up the idea multiple times about maybe getting a random job so that I can help pay for my expenses and do something productive. He always seemed very offended and said I don't have to do that, it's not a problem. He instead suggested I take up a hobby, which is why I enrolled in dance classes 5 times a week. I also have been talking with someone now about starting a career position this fall, before he sent the email. It's not a guaranteed position at the moment, but they have shown great interest in hiring me. I have also been applying elsewhere. My boyfriend knew this.

Believe me that I do not enjoy asking him for money and I have felt very guilty about it and I love feeling independent. I also have a little bit of money in my savings, but he will hardly let me use it when I offer. He finally let me buy him a meal for his birthday the other day, but even he was reluctant about that. I usually secretly use it for things that I really don't want to ask him for. I think if this were the issue he could have talked to me about it and told me I need to find work somewhere or he wanted to break up. I think it would be very strange to pretend he's alright with supporting me when the topic has come up many many times. Also I don't understand why he did something like take me on the extravagant vacation this weekend....I never asked for anything like that, although I did appreciate it very much. However, it does seem like now he resents me for it, which I am confused about too

[michelle23]

Okay well in that case your bf is a nutcase. He is unstable. Go home.

In future though if someone breaks up with you-just let them go. Dont beg them to come home until they do as that way they are only there due to guilt-not love. But that was a long time ago so if your bf has stayed with you all this time when he didnt want to-then there is something wrong with him, not you.

Its time to go home hun. He doesnt want you there. Why would he send you an email like that? Why could he not speak to you to your face? Does he lack communication skills? He sounds like a passive aggressive to me and that isnt the type of man you should want or need in your life.

[namemyname]

I think he said he was going to keep up the front that you were still a couple to the world, so the FB comments means nothing...

If you have savings, buy a plane ticket home, pack your belongs, and leave.

If it were me, I would do it just as he did - subversively. I would be at the airport, waiting to board, and I'd shoot him a text telling him that when he gets home, you won't be there.

End, period, done.

[michelle23]

Ya id leave while he is at work. Let him come back to all your stuff packed and gone. Then text him when you are checking in at the airport. "Going home now, boaring the plane, thanks for everything, bye"

[smackie9]

I just wonder if he just waiting for you to pack up and leave so he can go around telling everyone that YOU have left HIM, so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Wow he is a big fat coward.

[namemyname]

I just wonder if he just waiting for you to pack up and leave so he can go around telling everyone that YOU have left HIM, so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Wow he is a big fat coward.

Coward for sure, on many levels. But, the OP can still have the final "hand", as we would say back home, by not telling him of HER plans, and just leaving when he's not around. Oopsie - did I not mention TUE was the day I was leaving. Sorry, slipped my mind with my plans for my NEW LIFE.

[smackie9]

This is exactly what he wants her to do so this will not have any negative affect on him.

[Kaius]

I am sorry this happened. 3 years ago I met a woman who promised to help me financially when we moved in together, but she ended up draining me. I was so resentful I kicked her out completely one day...out of the blue. There must have been signs. Your man was paying beyond his means and he is sick of it. Please move back and start over.

[Saya]

And now after everything if you can believe it he has just been on facebook making comments on all the photos of our trip saying how great it was and what an amazing time he had!!!! I had posted the photos before I saw his devastating email...now I am even more confused.

I think reason why he is making comments on all your photos of holiday is he is just pretending... He told his mum about how your excited to move in etc... that is a lie as well and he is pretending.

Just like he said in his email saying "For now I will continue to tell people that I am in a happy relationship with you, but this will not last for long, it will definitely not be the case for a single day of next year. You have forced me to pretend long enough."
"I will not simply dump you on the streets, EVER." <- I think that he want you to move out without him telling you....

Also, I think the reason why he is pretending to be happy around others is... he can say to others that, HE was in a happy relationship, but you weren't happy so YOU end up breaking up and leaving him...so others wouldn't think how awful/jerk he is since they think that he wasn't the one who broke up with you.

[michelle23]

I think hes messing with your head. He sounds like an insecure asshole to me. Lying on the couch, sying, humming and haing, not being able to talk face to face, needs to email.

Hes a freaking attention seeker. It sounds like he could be testing you, wanting you to beg again.. If that is the case-what a f**king asshole is all ill say.

If this is the case and you wana go out with a bang and make his freaking head spin-then do what i suggested early-pack and leave while hes at work. Just disappear. I bet he will be the one begging and you can so f**k you!

He wants to drag this out and hurt you and pretend everything is fine. He has you dangling on a string like a pupper and hes enjoying the power. Take control and leave now.

Dont even say goodbye.

[Wakeup]

I just wonder if he just waiting for you to pack up and leave so he can go around telling everyone that YOU have left HIM, so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Wow he is a big fat coward.

If you're worried about that, OP then just send a copy of the email to his mother with a little note from you thanking her for being such a pleasure while knowing her.

I'm really just chiming in again at this point to ask you why you haven't packed up and left this man with very huge emotional/mental issues. One of you has problems for sure and i'll err on the side of caution and say it's him going by you're discription of this situation.

My advice: Leave and start new in your home country. He's nuts. With zero contact and keeping yourself busy getting a degree or finding your carer of choice, you'll soon enough be over him for good this time. Really, at this point, what other choice do you have?

[TablesandChairs]

This is strange for sure; on one hand, I feel like there must have been signs you were either not seeing or choosing to ignore because you love him. On the other, maybe he's just so passive aggressive that instead of dealing with the issues as they pop up, he pretends all is fine and then blows up, out of the blue - hence leaving you with the unexpected news in the email.

It's odd. I have dumped a guy via email before only because I knew he would make it impossible for me to do so in person (I had tried). Maybe he has wanted this for a while but felt bad because you had moved to another country to be with him. Now, that he has his own apartment and is getting serious about life, he realizes he should have ended it with you years ago.

Doesn't make sense that he would take you on vacation just days before...but people do strange things. Unless he's mentally retarded, you have to take what he says seriously - don't worry about the sighing and the groaning on the couch - he's sent you a perfectly legible, clear e-mail indicating what he truly wants. My guess is that you will be blamed down the track if yo refuse to leave or talk him out of it.

Sometimes, it's worth keeping your dignity and after that email, I'd have a hard time keeping mine if i chose to stay (or worse still, begged).

[lamobatsman]

Tbf to this guy at least he emailed you and hasnt led you on so u know now wats goin on. I had a girl tell.me she didnt like me by kissing someone else in front of me lol. No explanation. Yh im sure ur heartbroken but at least he has had the decency to write u an honest email.of how he feels rather than ignore you and act weird for a month where you are thibking whats goin on. Youre lucky you have your answer. Move on. Leave tomorrow u know how he feels. Bye