cut this girl out?

[jamie2010taylor]

Hi, i have to say as im typing this now i am in a deep state of depression, and while the girl hasn't helped, she is by no means the original catalyst. I suffered for years from low self esteem and seeing this girl last night (my friend with benefits) indeed confirmed that. Ive always considered myself an okay looking guy but recently ive been so overly concerned with my looks in a negative way, that it tends a strong impact on determining my mood. This girl ive been seeing looked stunning last night, and she's nice enough, but i know she's a user. To be fair ive been playing the field the entire time ive known her anyway. But i believe my feelings towards her developed more than i thought possible. due to my recent struggle with depression its lead me to not going out much (last few months). So in turn i was unfortunately resting all my hopes on this one very unreliable girl. Stupid i know, but whats a 21 year old guy to do when he has a gorgeous girl at his beckoned call to help make him feel better about himself. Or at least i thought so.
The night backfired, i took her to a few places in mayfair and just wasnt acting myself. I was overly friendly buying her whatever drinks she wanted, without a care in the world for money. I just wanted her to have a good time, on the contrast she didn't. I was staying over at hers and she had to get up early anyway to catch a plane so i think with that playing on her mind she was a bit reluctant to drinking, i was nervous anyway so overcompensated by drinking too much. The night ended with awkward sex, where we clashed heads accidentally. While i laughed she got really upset and refused to talk to me. I acted like the sorry arse loser i have been and just kept asking her if she was okay and if she needed anything. anytime during the night i tried to cuddle her she took my arm off her, and eventually i was sick in her toilet. Talk about a rough night. This morning ive never felt like such shit. I was pissed off with her but never expressed it on the night. She kept changing her mind about things and it bugged me a lot, but i kept a happy face anyway. Why, i dont have a f***ing clue. Sex is something that ive always been very confident with, but that experience knocked it badly. Her reaction to it and general mood all night has knocked my confidence and judgement of women in general, and i just cannot stop thinking about the night. Why? after all this did i end up getting attatched to the wrong girl? i knew she was bad news but obviously i seem to favour looks over personality in her case because shes dead boring, and i was always convinced she was lovely.

i dont know what to do, ive had a lot of issues with myself recently and im starting to believe that continuing to have this girl in my life is making more problems than its solving. ive known her for about a year now and we only meet up occasinaly, but last night i do feel was definately the worst experience ive ever had with a girl. And now as i sit here typing this thread everything reminds me of her and im struggling to deal with it.


if anyone can give me advice on what they think about this and what i should do then thank you

[basilandthyme]

Jamie, you're bagging her out after last night....but I'm failing to see what she did wrong.

She wasn't able to get blind drunk because she was flying the next day. But you chose to get shitfaced and was probably being a pain the arse. (I assume you were a PIA because most people who are shitfaced are a PIA to someone who's sober). Not to mention clumsy in bed, laying all over her and puking later on. PLUS it's bad form to get shitfaced when your drinking partner isn't matching you.

I think you owe her an apology

[LifeInflux]

You need to get a handle on your depression and your drinking.... drinking is definitely not something you should be doing with depression as it is...

More to the point.. apologizing is just the beginning of what you should do, I understand you're 21, but your responsibility should always be to your date first.... ALWAYS. Drink if you want, but drink far under what it takes to get you drunk... don't even get tipsy if its going to impair your judgement to the point that you can't take care of your date and act responsibly.


Sorry to break it to you bud, but as you get older these are just rules of the game. Learn to be okay with being yourself, don't try and compensate by drinking.... learn how to have fun without it.


If it isn't this girl, you realize it will be another one... you'll need to make the decision sooner or later when you meet the right one, if its enough to act responsibly enough to keep her..... my advice would be to get the practice in while you have the chance, well before you meet a girl that really means a lot to you.

[Philip123]

Agree with all of the above, sound advice take it all in and reflect on it and move forward.

[michelle23]

You were drunk, she was sober. You were probably irritating the life out of her way before you had sex.

Go and get some counselling for your low self-esteem. I'm guessing you seek validation from women in order to feel good about yourself? That is unhealthy and unattractive. Confidence comes from within you. No matter how many girls you have sex with-its not gonna make you feel better about yourself. Its just a temporary fix to your problem.

You should get rid of all the women in your life. Focus on healing and loving yourself and when you are emotionally healthy-you will find it much easier to have a healthy relationship with a good woman.

[jamie2010taylor]

Thanks for the replies guys. I mean the one thing about the night that really keeps bothering me is rather awkwardly we bumped heads during sex. Sounds stupid i know but she was really upset and refused to talk to me for the rest of the night. I apologised but she was having none of it. Anytime during the night i tried to cuddle her she just took my arm off her. Did feel bad at the time to be honest, and it completely killed the mood, but looking back now its really knocked my confidence sexually. The night just finished as a disaster and i cant stop thinking about it. In the morning she just looked at me smiling. Don't know what she was thinking to be honest. i think she'd cheered up a bit but i had to leave early because she had to go to the airport, so we didn't have a chance to talk about it. I just hate how we left it.

I know after this that she probably wont want to see me again, but do you still think its worth sending a text apologising to help clear my conscience about this?