My girlfriend kissed another guy...

[fraser]

So the other night I went to pick my gf up to take her out and she just broke down when I walked through the door and told me she'd kissed another guy earlier that day!

This came out of NOWHERE we were honestly really happy, no problems whatsoever in the relationship (we went to paris for the weekend the Other month and she told me it was the best time of her life) Plus she's a really shy girl around new people, she's just NOT the type to go round kissing other blokes.
I broke up with her on the spot, told her straight I love her but I wont be second best, I deserve better, I'm a nice guy, it was over!

She messaged me on Facebook saying:
"I love you, im in love with you. I don’t think ill ever stop loving you. Everyday i think about you, i miss you so much, every second i miss you more and more. You’re my other half. You are my everything. You got me sprung, i want you and only you i ******* love you baby with all my heart.
You are so different compared to any other guy in a good way - in a GREAT WAY. The times we have is worth everything to me. The memories we share can never be forgotten. I can’t believe how well you treat me, all the little things you do.
You attract me in so many ways, your amazing your green eyes, your smile - it makes me feel like i can just smile a whole day after i see it, Your laugh is so cute haha it makes like laugh. I loveee just everything about you! You make me go crazy, like I never thought I would for a guy. It still makes me feel sick to my stomach that i could of easily said i didnt want to go on jess' idea for a blind date and you still would of been 'just lex's brother' to me!
Even thou we’ve been going out for awhile i still get butterflies, and an hour before i get to see you i start to get goosebumps. When you look into my eyes, its unexplainable its like everything is in slow motion. When i watch you leave or when we have our last hug and kiss my heart aches makes me wanna go run after you and make you stay. But we both know you can’t . It’s gonna be us forever, i hope.
While i was writing this i was crying. I feel so bad, my guilt is hurting me. I'm so so sorry, I've let you down, it kills me I've hurt you, I'm disgusted at myself. I DO NOT have any feelings for him what so ever. It was a huge mistake! Im not just saying that please it was all me fault you dont have to trust me anymore its understandable but just don’t leave me. I love you. I need you. i’m being 100% honest. Ive hurt you . You have the right to break up with me, but just understand that i love you so much never meant for it to happen like that, i wanted your touch not his but he was upset and i was trying to cheer him up and he made a play and i kissed him - it was just a moment of stupidity, which isn't an excuse but it was. I cried infront of him as soon as it happened.. i really did. I never cry when there are other people around me and you know that!.
Im not proud for what i did and im terrified because you have every right to leave me, just please oh please understand. Im standing here feeling so hurt for what i did just knowing the fact ive done something that could end our relationship - and I'll never forgive myself for that. Im sorry. Just please give me another chance , dont give up on us.. and i promise you this will never happen again, I promise you, I want to grow old with you fraser, please don't leave me!!"

And now I don't know what too do, I do love her, so much...but I don't know if we can we ever be the same!


im just stunned its so out of character -
she's not a party girl, she's always more down for a chilled night with a couple of close mates or a quite night with a movie just the two of us.
Shes very reserved when it comes to her feelings normally - like even at her nans funeral, I know how bad she was hurting (she was very close to her nan and her death was very sudden) but she didn't cry, she was looking after everyone else (as per). Shes different with me to some extent though, she lets me in more, y'know she cried herself to sleep that night in my arms but saying that she'd made me breakfast in bed as per next morning when i woke up - again alwasys looking out for everyone else.
I would always of sworn she was our core values were very similar, shes got good morals, this whole situation hasn't just shocked me its knocked her own friends and family for six, I just don't understand.

[anonymous_a]

Based on what you've said so far, she seems like a very caring person. I do believe in second chances, and this girl sounds pretty sincere. Especially considering she told you about it a mere hours later. There is some honor in her honesty. It will take a while to build that initial trust back up, but I think if you both really want it, you can do it.

[babyfox]

At least she was honest with you and right away (bonus points). Love is also about forgiving and I'm sure nobody here knows your relationship as well as you do so you are the final judge. My advice to you is to tell her to give you some time. A break if you please. After you cool your head down and prepare yourself for a discussion, ask her to meet you somewhere quiet where you two can discuss what happened and why. Try to find the main cause of the situation and find if there are any solutions to this. Love revolves around trust, and it will require you to trust her again but if you are willing to make that sacrifice, I recommend a second chance. I hope all is well as my relationship isn't going so well either. If you have the time, please stop by my thread as well!

[babyfox]

Based on what you've said so far, she seems like a very caring person. I do believe in second chances, and this girl sounds pretty sincere. Especially considering she told you about it a mere hours later. There is some honor in her honesty. It will take a while to build that initial trust back up, but I think if you both really want it, you can do it.

I really love how we said basically the same thing. hahaha

[VincenzoG91]

How long have you two been together? Unless she is pretty young, the stuff about butterflies and goosebumps could be a sign of future trouble. That kind of stuff is normal for the initial infatuation phase of a relationship, but will tend to disappear later in the relationship. Is she going to continue to chase after butterflies and break up with you at that point? Or is she going to be mature enough to appreciate the familiarity of a stable, long-term relationship?

[Maple1714]

It was just a kiss...how old are you two? What was the context of this kiss? If she is shy, was it someone she's known for a long time or someone she works with? Need more specific details in order to give you better advice.

Her email was nice and everyone deserves a second chance if you are able to give them a real one...able to really forgive.

[HeartIsAching]

One thing jumped out at me. This:

I DO NOT have any feelings for him what so ever.

doesn't make her transgression better, it makes it worse. She kissed a guy she didn't even have feelings for. What she wanted was her own gratification, and she cared less for your feelings than she did her own edification.

There's little chance you'll ever trust her again. I think you did the right thing - this relationship is over.

[fraser]

At least she was honest with you and right away (bonus points). Love is also about forgiving and I'm sure nobody here knows your relationship as well as you do so you are the final judge. My advice to you is to tell her to give you some time. A break if you please. After you cool your head down and prepare yourself for a discussion, ask her to meet you somewhere quiet where you two can discuss what happened and why. Try to find the main cause of the situation and find if there are any solutions to this. Love revolves around trust, and it will require you to trust her again but if you are willing to make that sacrifice, I recommend a second chance. I hope all is well as my relationship isn't going so well either. If you have the time, please stop by my thread as well!

Yeah I totally agree that her telling me was important - I can still trust her to be honest even if im dating her faithfulness.

I'll def have a look at you thread....if your sure my advice is anything to go by!

[fraser]

How long have you two been together? Unless she is pretty young, the stuff about butterflies and goosebumps could be a sign of future trouble. That kind of stuff is normal for the initial infatuation phase of a relationship, but will tend to disappear later in the relationship. Is she going to continue to chase after butterflies and break up with you at that point? Or is she going to be mature enough to appreciate the familiarity of a stable, long-term relationship?

It was just a kiss...how old are you two? What was the context of this kiss? If she is shy, was it someone she's known for a long time or someone she works with? Need more specific details in order to give you better advice.

Her email was nice and everyone deserves a second chance if you are able to give them a real one...able to really forgive.

I'm 19 she's 21, we've been together about (im terrible with dates) 18 months, maybe a little more.

Context of the kiss wise - he's home cause his grans ill (he works/lives abroad normally) and her and her friend were meeting up with him (he was quite close to her friend back at school). Her friend pulled out sick but Meg felt bad pulling out as well seeing as he was having a tough time.
Then she says that they were just chatting, he mentioned our trip to Paris (he'd seen her photos on facebook) and asked her how it was going with me, to which she apparently tells him how great we are, that im not like other guys. Then she tells me that he was like 'well I hope he knows hes a lucky guy' and she though he was messing about so just said 'don't worry I tell him'. Then apparently there talking about there grans. And she also said that he was paying her compliments but he's always been like that with all the girls since school, she says 'he's one of these people who thinks he's really charming but it comes off a little creepy or at the very least tying to hard'. But supposedly she felt sorry for him cause he was getting upset etc etc etc and she put her hand on his shoulder which he obviously saw as a green light and kissed her. She said 'I don't know why I kissed him back, I guess I was talking about something quite personal and its still raw, and I dunno, I was hurting frayz and so was he and it felt like a quick fix, except it didn't it felt really really wrong, I was like sh*t what are you doing!! but I feel like im making excuses and I don't want to do that - I f*cked up and I want to make it better if you'll let me fraser'

And yeah I totally get 'really forgiving' not just kind of forgiving like I'm not playing some tit for tat game, I'm not looking to hurt her or punish her I want to be able to move forward and work out in my own head if I can deal with this and put it to one side so that it doesn't affect our relationship going forward because i'm not going to play the jealous boyfriend who doesn't trust his girl, I don't want to be that guy - I want to move forward but I won't do it unless I we can fully deal with this and put it in the past and be in a place where we have trust in each other.

[Maple1714]

I really don't think its a big deal. You both are so young and you're going to be in situations like this from time to time. She made a mistake and hopefully she learned from it and it wont happen again. She confessed to you and apologized. I think you should forgive her. Truth is you'll probably break up in the next 2-5 years anyway if you stay together. You will grow apart etc...tends to be the natural progression of things at your age.

[fraser]

Truth is you'll probably break up in the next 2-5 years anyway if you stay together. You will grow apart etc...tends to be the natural progression of things at your age.

I know that like you hear 19 and 21 and like you just think like, teen fling, wont last but we were, more than that, I mean everyone probably says that, but you know we were 5-year-plan, she was the girl I saw myself marrying.
My mate was saying said to me today (as best as I can remember it) "The thing is you and megan always reminded me of my folks –not as in like age or looking after me but as in how stable you were, you mightas well of been married for 25 years with two grown up sons and a daughter at uni for all the chance I thought you had of ever splitting up. You’re a stable, reliable kinda person frayz and I always thought she was too, but if you take that away do you still want to be with her? She’s still pretty, funny &down to earth but if you take away her stability do you love her regardless and not for the girl she was 3 days ago? For what its worth I hope you work it out –but make sure you do what you want and don’t just do it to protect her – Courtney[that’s his gf] saw her the other days so I know shes a mess bud but if you make your decision just so as not to hurt her you’ll hurt her more in the long run."

[smackie9]

I wouldn't believe a word she says.....she had something emotional going on with this guy long before she kissed him. And now it's all finally caught up with her. Whatever your relationship looks like on the outside doesn't mean there isn't going to be temptation.

[toknow]

I'm not saying don't give her a second chance, but even if half of what she wrote to you were true, she would have not done it.

It is a big deal, if you love someone.

[fraser]

I wouldn't believe a word she says.....she had something emotional going on with this guy long before she kissed him. And now it's all finally caught up with her. Whatever your relationship looks like on the outside doesn't mean there isn't going to be temptation.

See that all went through my head when I first found out - I was looking for a reason but the truth is she hasn't seen this guy in 3 years, it was her friend who arranged and wanted to meet up with him, and my gf wanted me to go with her....I don't actually (strangely maybe) feel threatened by the guy...but u don't know if her act would of been easier to understand if she had felt something for him.

[smackie9]

Well I've had plenty of guys try and make a pass at me.....it takes nothing to jerk back and say no, so IMO there is more to it than what she is telling you, unless she was totally intoxicated.