Fallen for a friend, and looking for help...

[merseyjohn]

Hi guys,

Bit of a long story this one, so please bear with me.

I have a friend who I have known for around 5-7 years. I met her initially when she was in a relationship with another of my friends (we kinda fell out a while back though) and I always thought she was cool, but never really thought of her as more than a friend.

A few years later when me and my other friend kind of fell out, I stopped hanging around with that group so much, and therefore didn't see her much for a while, other than on occasions like people birthdays, etc. Again, we always got on but there was never anything more than friendship there.

So a couple of years ago, she had a pretty nasty breakup with this guy. They basically hate each other now. I hadn't seen either of them in quite a long time. Nat (the girl in question) ended up coming to my Birthday party out of the blue, which was a nice surprise, but at the time there was still no attraction that i'm aware of. I saw Nat a few times after that (did some work with her at a festival, probably a few more social occasions like Birthdays, etc) but not regularly.

So fast forward to mid-last year, and Nat got hold of me out of the blue to say she wanted to come to a festival with me (I had put a message on facebook seeing who was coming). I was really pleased to hear from her, and let her know the details, etc. A few months later I was due to go to an event that got cancelled, and she got hold of me and invited me to a party with her. I hadn't seen her in ages, and I think that was the first time I really felt any attraction to her. Then when we went to the festival, I spent quite a lot of time with her, and we found ourselves becoming closer friends than before. From then (pretty much exactly a year ago) we started hanging around a lot more. We always enjoy eachothers company and have a brilliant time together, and we have become very close.

So probably some time earlier in this year I realized that I was falling for her big time. However, having been friends for a long time, and close friends for a while, I have found it really difficult to tell her. I really don't want to lose her, as she's one of the most amazing people I have ever met: beautiful, kind, sweet, caring, intelligent, funny. I sometimes wonder why she spends time with me.

I feel like I have had a few opportunities to make a move on her. We have shared beds a few times, and on occasion we have hugged/spooned all night. However I have always shyed away for fear of losing such an amazing friend - what if she's just affectionate? We're comfortable with eachother so that wouldn't be surprising. I also have issues with self-esteem and confidence with women: i'm 28 but i've never had a proper relationship before. She's 34, and has had lots of relationships/sexual experience. I guess I find that intimidating, I sometimes feel that even if we did go for it that I wouldn't be able to please her. But on the other hand she is very kind and understanding, so maybe she would make allowances...?

As you can probably tell, my head is a mess about this. I feel like a wreck for days after I see her, but when i'm with her I find it really tough to muster the courage to talk to her about this.

Any advice at all would be really appreciated.

[michelle23]

Okay you have a few choices: Stay friends with this girl for ten years secretively in love with her and not able to move on and meet someone else because you cant get her out of your head or tell her how you feel now and if she doesn't feel the same-move on, get over her and meet someone who wants to commit to you.

Just another example of many as to why I feel men and women can never really be close platonic friends..